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And away we go!

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TransFormation

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Trans-Formation

This column is about my future, my past and whatever else comes in with it. Welcome to here and welcome to you! As I try to figure out the oldest of Man's questions, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy finds out she is with another. This will naturally involve my dating history, my life and the present, all centred on the person I am enamoured with. The title is basically the spoiler of it all. The girl in question is a transsexual. She was born a boy and transitioned to being a girl. As such, names and identifying information will be hidden to prevent anyone from finding out who she is, because she is still "in the closet" and has not made herself generally known! Not that she has to tell you or me or anyone as if it is anyone's business. If you are privilege to be trusted to know her life story or even a part of it then respect her wishes. She does not need to be anyone's gossip. She is who she is and that is more than enough for me. Formation is a French word meaning learning, or training. The title is my learning about transitional people.
I will try to tell you about the things that are happening and my take on them. I have a vested interest here to protect that someone, so don't ask me identifying questions. Protecting her is more important than your questions. We live in Quebec, French and English speaking, she speaks French and I speak English! Two Solitudes by Hugh MacLennan, is a story of Quebec's language wars. It is frankly more of funny comment on my society when I was not in love with the girl from the other side of the wall. We work in shipping and transportation. Basically we move boxes for a living. We work in a warehouse for a company that you have never heard of. And the rest, well I feel no compulsion to tell the truth about anything that will identify her. I will try my best to say what is true and what a lie is. But anything that pinpoints anything to her is untrue. 
I am a middle age white man with a university education. Why I am moving boxes? Part of that long story yet to come.  I am heterosexual. This is not something you normally have to say. After all, are not all of us thus so? Of course not. But until this recently, it was not a question that I had to grapple with in anything but abstractions. Human rights good, gay pride good, Marriage equality act, sounds great to me as I flip the channel for more sports news. I don't watch sport news. You get the point. My life was not something that you would consider extra ordinary. As a white man, I live in the world of privilege, White privilege, male privilege, Heterosexual privilege and I am sure many other privileges that I am not even aware of. Such as being able bodied; another privilege that most overlook, but it is the most glaring of privileges that we are to over look. I am also a member of the elites. In this French province, I may speak English, but my last name is that of the elites of the land. If you have an English surname, you are not discriminated against exactly; you are just treated with suspicious as being an "Other" (Une Autre). Someone who is allowed into society but not quite allowed all the way in. The thousands of digs that he real elites tell themselves they are still superior and in charge. But just as republicans, Donald J Trump and the white Americans are presiding over there coming lost of majority status with absolutely no grace at all, so too in Quebec is the privilege of our French speaking elites who got off the boat with Champlain coming to an end. My ancestors also got of that boat too. He was a blacksmith or so I am told. The difference is, my parents sent me to be educated in English to embrace the world, whereas most elites here just teach their kids French and try to shun outside influences. It won't work, and it never has worked in the past. All too often someone will rip the curtains and allow in the sunlight.
Missing the metaphors? Read that again. Thanks. 
I have written books, don't ask, you have never heard of them. I have a blog, which you have also never read. In fact, unlike this one, not even my mother is reading this one! It has a low readership and yet I keep writing. It’s not much but it is something that I do. You know, waiting for that day when something of mine sells into the best seller list. Until then I will keep experimenting and keep writing. Right now, this is my subject. 

As I boil this all down, I come to the song by the Pursuit of Happiness, "She aint Pretty" paraphrased of course:
"Boy meets girls, Boy loses girl, and boy tries to figure out what went wrong."
In the end, that is what this is. A day by day blog of my life around her. And yes she is a she and I love her. The rest is mere details.

Here is my journey.

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Hello TransFormation... and welcome to TG Guide.

I'm usually pretty bad about welcoming new members - thank god the women around here take up the slack in that department.   But on occasion, a new member will come in with something that reels me in.

This is a very open and welcoming board - mind you, it is not restricted to only those who are transgender or intersex.  Instead, we fly just about every flag imaginable - including the flags that cisgender and gay people walk under.  We include family, friend, ally and on occasion have even tolerated foe if it meant exposing truth, or trying to share enlightenment.  There has even been one member who was not trans, whom we later decided was simply using this board as a testing ground for a novel or something.

All that said, I have to admit that I don't always read blog entries either.  Once again, I must be humbly and ever so grateful for some of the insatiable readers that roam these halls.  A person has to come up with a pretty catchy blog title for me to put on the brakes and stop in for a while and check things out.  I hope you take no offense as none is intended, but your username and Jackie Gleason-like proclamation caught my eye.

Now to the meat of my introduction:

1.  About half your entry is all about making sure we know you will give up no details about the woman of whom you speak.  I commend you on your respect to her status as trans.  I hope you will soon come to learn that respecting one's identity is the number one rule among trans and [and usually] among gay people.  We do not out anyone, and those who do become a kind of pariah.  What one chooses to share with us is wholey up to the individual.  We, of all people, on such a site, need no such castigation.
2.  Perhaps in time you will learn that it's really not necessary to announce your sexual preference/orientation.  Before reading, "I am heterosexual," I had already assumed as much.  As a rule, the only people who assume they will be perceived as gay are those who harbour homophobic tendancies, and/or do not believe/respect 100% that a trans woman is a woman, or that a trans man is a man.
3.  In that despite your privileged status as a straight, white man, you apparently ARE subjected to some degree of unacceptance - a Frenchman who is percieved to have turned his back on his people, his culture, his heritage in being English-educated.  Magnify whatever slights you have noted by 1,000 times, and you will then understand the great degree of unacceptance we endure 24/7/365.  I believe if you endured that level of unacceptance, your blog entry would no doubt have a very different tone.  Or at least reason for existence.
4.  You are either clairvoyant or highly presumptuous in stating that no one here has ever heard of your books let alone read them, or never seen your blog.  I wonder why you believe this.  Do you believe trans people to be less intelligent?  Perhaps we cannot afford your books?  Have you determined what we are or are not interested in?
5.  I'm not a woman....and I can't help but think I have an idea why she left you - the writing is, on the wall so-to-speak.  Just above, in your blog entry.  The answers are all there the way I see it.  My apologies in advance if I am being presumptuous.  Or wrong.  I've been known to find my own foot in my own mouth.
6.  Or are you another come here looking for more fodder to fuel the writing juices?  After all, you do so bluntly comment how low readership is on this board.  Makes me wonder why you are REALLY here...

-Mike

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Point 4. My lowest selling book has sold 6 copies. that would be one, two, three, four, five and six. What are the odds that someone have been one of the 6 purchasers are in fact someone who is on this blog?

Point 6, low readership on this board? again presumption that i refer to someone else other then my own readers. I know exactly how many people read my blogs. Buy my books and read my writings. I do not presume that they are works of Shakespeare or Daniel Steel. My numbers of readers speak for themselves. This however, has nothing to do with this board, blog or readership. 

You assume injury where none is present. You assume insult where none is intent. However, I still thank you for your comments and thank you for reading. You are welcome upon this journey of learning and transformation that I walk upon. Hail fellow traveler.  Well met!

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Dear Trans-Formation,

Dating a transwoman does not reflect on your sexual orientation.  Just because she was formally a man does not make you a Gay male.

Sexual orientation and gender are two totally separate issues, as different as apples and oranges.

Just to let you know, I am a cisgender (born female) Lesbian woman who had a serious relationship with a MTF transwoman.  Because she once was a man does not make me a heterosexual woman.  She is as much a woman as I am (she identified as a Lesbian).  

Sexual orientation is seen in reference to a person's gender, whether cisgender or not.

Hope that helps.

Yours truly,

Monica

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I think we need to clarify a point here though - being trans does not mean that one was "born" a different gender. I was not born a male, I was born a female with some wrong parts.

There are differences of opinion on that fact, but I think it's generally safer not to suggest that trans people were born one gender and "changed" into another.

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