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Love and the transgirl

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When I was younger, I was happy to find that some guys are attracted to transgender girls. After all, there are guys that like cis girls, guys that like guys, etc, so I just reasoned that it's just as natural for some guys to like transgender girls. I've had my crushes throughout school just like anyone else does. I thought how nice it would be if someone felt the same way about me. One of my friends told me "there's somebody for everybody, right?" She didn't realize that many things are more complicated for #girlslikeus. It didn't take me long to realize that many of the guys that I seemed to attract were different somehow. Not all, but most didn't seem to be interested in me as a person or really want to get to know me as a person. I sadly started to realize that these particular guys weren't seeing me as a romantic partner, not a girl to take ice skating, dance with, watch movies together, spend quite time side by side on the couch with, or exchange Valentine's cards with.

I was fairly young when I started hearing from older girlfriends about how transgender women are seen as fetish objects to a lot of men. I already knew that woman are often objectified as sex objects and thought it was the same thing, sort of. I told myself that was just a few creeps, so just stay away from them...not a big deal. The right boy will come along. I later came to see these creeps as predators. They will tell you what you want to hear and treat you just good enough to get what they think they're going to get. This threatens me, my womanhood, my self worth as a human being.

I still think he is out there, but after years of contact with guys....ones that swear they just want love, a relationship, a soul mate, only for them to turn out to be one of "those." I am letting some bad experiences influence my interaction with guys that I meet. Without even knowing them, I often judge them as one of the creeps. I have dated a couple (exactly three) amazing guys, two in highschool and one after starting college, so my dreams are still alive. However, years of interaction with the predators, in person, on social sites, forums and chat rooms have gotten to me, not that I would ever meet anyone from online. Not a chance. It's just the idea...the reality of it all. This is one of the reasons that I am here on TGGuide, which has been a very positive experience for me. I feel like here, I can discuss issues, interact with other girls, and talk about my feelings and experiences without someone asking me for pictures in my underwear. Yay!

The "fetish" aspect is one of the complications of dating for #girlslikeus, but there are others. It's not the most heartbreaking. The social stigma attached to dating a girl that was born (and especially if she still is) anatomically male is another big thing. It's a lot of pressure for guys, no matter how good their intentions. I have lost a couple good relationships to their fear of what people will think and that is what probably stops some nice guys from approaching us in the first place.

I will fully transition when I graduate from college. I don't want to give the wrong impression, I'm not doing it to find love and a husband. I need to do this for me, no one else and it is what I've been moving toward my whole life. I do think though, that the chances of romantic happiness and love are better for those that have fully transitioned. Post op women do get married and are living the dream. Janet Mock has an amazing guy and will soon be married as many other have.

So, i'm interested in what others think on the subject, and you're experiences are with dating and love. Do you think it's likely to find love as a transwoman? What have your experiences been with men? Are so many men as just creepy as I think they are? I'm also curious to hear from those that Identify as "trans-lesbians." I sometimes think that it would be easier to be attracted to girls. It's hard to see cis-women as being the kind of creepy that some men are,or as likely to fetishize and, devalue another person, or as worried of what people would think of them.

Thanks for reading <3

KM


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Am a cisgender (born female) Lesbian, and was very happily involved with a transwoman who identified as a Lesbian for ten years. Frankly, I am sick of the politics of the cisgender Lesbian community and prefer transwoman Lesbians. Recommend exploring http://www.TGPersonals.com, as I feel it is one of the most wholesome transgender dating websites. Just a warning, though, you will find a few creeps in even the best Internet dating websites. Don't give up!

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Thank you so much Monica:))) I will check that out and will never give up.

<3

KM

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I am into females but last week decided to see what interest there was for a post-op on Match dating service. Thought that there would be zero hits especially when the first line in my introduction said "To start off, I was born a male and just made the transition to female through surgery".

Did not check for hit until three days later and had about 20 'likes', 'winks' and email messages. I could not reply as I am a free member thinking way pay 14.99 per month when there would be no hits.

Well I'd say about three quarters appeared (but sure) to be after the fetish thing. Guess I will never know because I am not really into men.

So my feeling is many are into it for the fetish. Think I will stick with females and have no doubt that I will find someone as there are already females who have expressed interest in me.

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Karen, I'm not surprised that you got many hits from guys. You are a beautiful women. I am curious if you have ever felt like you have been fetishized by a woman. I would think that it's possible, but not as likely as with men.

Thank you for your input:)

KM

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Well we call these "creeps" Tranny Chasers here in the UK. I can't ever imagine doing sex with a man, it quite frankly turns me off! I can't see what my wife saw in me as a man before we married. It's only since I have transgendered that I have come to think this way. When I went to the gender clinic I asked to become a lesbian! Women are more gentle and loving and frankly amazing! That of course includes trans Women.

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I feel the same way as Eve and Karen and I also empathize with Kristi. Men are an interesting breed, aren't they? I would also be a Lesbian but would love to have a man hold the door for me or help me with my chair. That must be a wonderful feeling.

Kristi, you're smart to be careful. Take small steps with dating, trust your instincts. Perhaps you should adopt a rule my wife had when we were dating. No sex before ten dates! By then we both knew we were on to something special. :-)

Emma

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Dear Emma,

A butch worth her salt would always pull out the chair for her lady, or hold open the door of a vehicle or building for her lady. Some butches know more about chivalry than many men!

Yours truly,

Monica

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