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Dating and dysphoria

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When my dysphoria started becoming too much to handle on my own, I confided in a trans friend. She's been extremely supportive over the last few weeks and I honestly don't think I could have even started to make peace with my feelings without her support.

I'm starting to buy some clothes that I can wear when I'm alone. One of the biggest things holding me back is trying to change my thinking from "I want to be a woman" to "I am a woman." When I'm in girl mode, it's easier to make that distinction.

I've talked to my friend about that and she said she had a similar experience. She asked if I wanted her to change pronouns for me. I didn't at first, but I eventually became comfortable enough. I even started changing to girl mode at her place. When I was able to look at myself in the mirror and feel like I was looking at a woman, I was excited and wanted to show her.

Somehow the topic of dating came up. I've actually had a bit of a crush on her for a while now, since before we started talking about these things. It turns out she felt the same way. We've been dating for about a week now and I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. When we're alone, she refers to me as her girlfriend and uses my chosen name. She cleared all of that with me because she knows I find it difficult to think of myself as a woman, but it's not as difficult when I'm with her. She respects my boundaries and she doesn't push any issues that I'm uncomfortable with.

I'm in a little bit of disbelief over all of this. I was so stressed and miserable for so long, and now I'm in a relationship with an incredible woman, I'm actually happy most of the time now, and I can see she's happy too.

I don't usually like writing about my life if I'm not ending on a question or observation, but right now, I'm giving myself permission to gush a little. I'm a secret lesbian. Don't tell anyone.

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Hi Rae,

Like you, I'm fairly certain I'd be a lesbian, and proud of it. You're a lucky gal to have found a kindred spirit to join up with!

I also share your wondering about when or if my thinking will change from "I wish I was female" to "I am, and then need to decide if or when I will transition my body to match my gender. Recently I am wondering if the gender in our brain is as binary as our sex (at least for most of us). I guess it isn't because otherwise transgender wouldn't be defined as much as an "umbrella of diversity" to a bar-chart distribution of gender/sex/sex-preference.

Hope you are having a wonderful Saturday evening,


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Dear Rae and Emma,

Am a cisgender (born female) Lesbian, and experienced true love in a relationship lasting ten years with a transwoman.

Have no regrets, except that I did not have a Holy Union with her, and, if I did, I would have been with her 25 years now!

Hope God blesses me with true love again!

Yours truly,


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Dear All,

I'm a trans - lesbian too! quite strange after being a hetro-sexual male! Other than birth reporoductive organs, I feel that pretty much all else is on a spectrum with absolute hetero-sexual male and female at either end of the spectrum, I actually doubt that many people that believe that they fit this description actually are............if only they realised it, it might be easier for us all.

Reading the above comments I sincerely hope you all find what you want so much.

Hugs, pecks on the cheeks, & keep positive,


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If I was to define myself, then I, too, would be a trans-lesbian, having a close friendship that has become important and central to me at this time in my life. And I am happy for every one.

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