Before my wife knew about me, she wondered if our son, who is was 4 years old, might be transgendered. I told her that I did not think so. For a variety of reasons. But lately my feelings on that have changed.
Over the last few months, he has been immensely interested in girl dolls. Lately, Barbie and American Girl. When my wife was about to donate my daughter's Kit doll, my son, now 6 years, just about pitched a fit, so we let him have her. Anyways, American girl dolls have matching outfits
So, this has been an interesting week. I am taking off of work from 12/20 - 1/5, and planned on using the holidays to take a step back, focus on me and what is going on and gain more insight.
During the week I had more of an internal struggle with myself. It was like my male side struggling with my female side. There were times that I felt guilty of who I was (which has not happened in awhile), guilty of what I am putting others through particularly my wife. Thinking about care. I had to set
11/20/2014
I had a better day than the rest of the week. I definitely felt more connected to being male.
So, what I noticed when I was younger, was that stress would trigger feelings of wanting to dress or be female. But lately, it is the opposite. When I feel stress, I want to retreat to my male role. In my mind, being female increases the stress level. And I think that it is because I am seriously considering a transition.
Anyways, I did have some big stressors that triggered this rea
Had another good week. I feel like a survivor but I want to be more than that. This week I closed out a project that I had led for almost 2.5 years. It was extremely difficult and often went from one crisis to the next. Unfortunately, several of us paid a price personally because of this project. We either suffered due to the personalities that we were subject to or had to make extreme personal sacrifices in order to be successful. Several of us had mental breakdowns because it would be too much
11/22/2014
Today I was 100% feeling female and thinking about it. It was distracting but since I didn't need to work or doing anything it was okay.
I talked to my wife about my appointment with the therapist and going to the support group and mentioned that she recommended that I go out dressed as much as I need to meet others like me and get the support that I need. I told her that if I cannot get on top of this soon, I will need to transition. This was upsetting, and I knew that it would
I have my therapy appointment tomorrow. I am also traveling out of town to visit my mom in Ohio from DC. I may stop by the Keystone Conference on Thursday and stay the night. I don't know. I would kind of like to see what it is all about. I may register to go for the entire thing next year.
Not much has happened in the last two weeks since I have posted, I am still in crisis mode, prone to cry or being depressed. I feel like I am not being me or presenting as I feel I am. It is getting to the
This week has been really tough focusing at work really busy with no outlet for me. I feel trapped and terrible. I've been drinking too much and not dealing with things well. Something has to change.
Anyways. That has been my week in a nutshell. 100% doing things I don't want to do, yet I feel like I have no choice.
I am planning on having a talk with my wife. But I have a feeling that it will not go particularly well. Usually she asks how I am doing and we talk about it. But not in the pa
