Every day I get lower and lower in spirits. Life is increasingly less valuable to me. I don’t know what to do. I know suicide does nothing but pass the pain on. I don’t want to do that to her, but I’m wearing down so much that I’m starting to lose the will to go on. Star stopped me long ago, but he’s no longer here. I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to live for. Love is an illusion anymore, it seems. The more I think, the less I have to find happiness in. I’m not materialistic. I have w
I'm watching Family Guy on Hulu right now. In the episode the guys are texting. Joe texts a video of a guy in a wheelchair going up a ramp real fast, doing a backflip, and landing it. I looked at my chair, which is a powerchair, and thought, "There's no way this could do it. This thing's too heavy. Then I realized what the situation I'm in is. I'm in a wheelchair because I can't walk. I'm 38 years old and have been in a wheelchair for 2 years now.
I'm 38 and in a wheelchair.
I have Myo
I feel a bit strange, weird, different (whatever you want to call it) when I come here. I'm more misanthropic than you can know. I absolutely despise the human race. But here at this forum it's different. I've grown to care a great deal for the people here. I feel for the first time in my life that I have an extended family of people who care for me as well. But I don't know how to process it. Also I'm sitting here waiting for it to all come crashing down, like everything else in my life has. Wh
Even though she tells me otherwise, I can see in my wife's eyes that she wants out so she can find a "real man". I think the only reason she stays with me is because of my disability. She feels like she has to take care of me or something. I wish I didn't have to put her through this, and that I could give her what she wants. Sometimes I feel like I should de-transition and go back to being him. Give her what she needs. She needs a man. I don't want to lose her, so if I have to take the blow the
I don't value human life at all. Not even my own. It means nothing to me. I value nonhuman life. Be it a reptile, fish, amphibian, bird, or mammal. As long as it's not human. Why? Partially, because they are honest. They don't lie to you for personal gain. You can trust them to be honest. Their instinct is what guides them. With humans, it's the opposite. What guides us is greed. Everyone is always chasing the almighty dollar. Some just want to get by having what they need, and maybe a couple lu
I'm not happy. I don't mean I'm having a bad day. I mean in life all around. I don't get it either. I have all my needs met, and several luxuries. So what's wrong with me? I have someone in my life that (hopefully) loves me. I have food in my house, clean water, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back. So what's missing? I've always hated life. That much I know. For as long as I can remember, I've said "I don't know who I pissed off to deserve being here, but I'm sure as hell gonna make sure
Depression or sadness? Well there's a huge difference between the two. Sadness sucks. Maybe your favorite team lost the championship. Maybe your family said your meatloaf sucked. Maybe you're just having an off day. It's ok to cry. Let it out. Don't let anyone laugh at you for crying.
Depression is beyond. Depression is an emotional disorder. The sufferers feel those things all day every day. They have no hope for tomorrow. They have no hope for today. They don't have the ability to get out
Some years ago, before I met my wife, I was homeless. I spent 3 years on the street with nowhere to go. I lived in an old abandoned feed mill. My egg donor and female DNA match only lived a few blocks from me, but neither would take me in. During that time I was alone. Virtually. Where I was staying there was an old pile of sawdust and grain. It was about 6 feet high and probably about 12 feet wide. There was a colony of rats living in it. I would say close to 100 there. I knew that they would t
I hope this one turns out long. There's not enough good things I can say about her.
In 2004 I lived in a tiny craphole apartment. It was in a rundown part of a dead town, in a rundown building. I was single and on disability. The landlords accepted section 8 housing so my rent was lowered from $350 to $160. I had internet which was $50 and cable TV which was another $50. All the utilities like power, water, sewer, etc were included in the rent so my total monthly bills were only $260
I’m so envious of cis people that it’s about to make me cry. They were born correctly, whereas we weren’t. We are the ones lucky enough to have had things go horribly wrong in utero. Cis people obviously have it easier, but more importantly they identify with their gender. They have the correct anatomy. As I said in a post recently, I want the uterus, cervix, ovaries, etc. The woman who has that is making me green with envy. I hate being halfway to who I should have been. By that I mean my mind
