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stephani's Blog

A blog by stephani in General

  • Entries

    31

  • Comments

    18

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    24,900

About this blog

well well well isint that special

Entries in this blog

Life is never what you think

So, you see after Forever I am adding a new blob giggles. Yeah a big pile of blob, why eh I suppose because here is a place just to dribble out some thoughts without disturbing the flow of a thread, or a means to vent without disturbing the flow of the forum. I know that not everyone appreciates my opinions or views on life, wether or not if it has anything to do with transition or not, not everyone will, I respect that, I do. That being said, some times you just want to reach thru the screen an

Time Away

I thought that I would go ahead and add a new entry To My Blog , Possibly Just to get some of this out . Ok , Well for the Last Six Months I have been Attempting to Clean up the life that I had lead before I Transitioned , This is no small task , there are simply so many loose ends that one must over come after transition if you had done so during a Marriage . I often think it might have been so much easier just to have left and hid away within the vast country that we live in , then aga

Help with those tricky personal documents

Ok lets get down to a few things First passports go to each and print off Fill in required fields on passport application first before you print it off Use info to help you support your request from your doctor Take required info and documents to local passport office Pay them , and wait for the new passport to show up . A. http://travel.state....tml#DS11Instruc B. http://travel.state....1/ds11_842.html C. https://pptform.stat...nline+%26+Print D. I

Yeash , so scatter brained as of late...

I wounder how this is going to turn out but in all matters I really could care less any more , the family well they love me and want my happiness yet they remain distant , the daughter well she's a littlle twit as of late and she needs a spanking , if I was stronger but now I think she could take this girl down LOL... I hated the fact that I had to choose for my wife , yet it was so comforting to know and see the out come is what I wanted for her ... they are still a part of her life mine distan

A tender heart feels pain , A hardened heart knows pain , A loving heart feels and knows pain ...

I am forced to carry a loving heart through out this life as I am sure so many of you are as well , those within our lives are simply victoms of a tender heart or have become hardened because of the pain they have known , what do you suppose makes those of us that have a loving heart continue to undergo the pains of knowing and feeling for those around us , they cant return the same to us or are forced to withdraw due to their attempts at knowing those pains we deal with within our lives . I

One letter to keep an arms length from trouble

Well , now as of the fifth of july I have officially recieved my carry letter , finally no more fears of the mens restroom and violence within , I can hold my head up high and walk my pretty little butt into the appropriate restroom , with odd looks of course but still a milestone none the less , my appointment with the endocronologist isnt until the 22nd of september but I guess nothing to concerning with the battery of tests and bloodwork so Wippy .... L a little I did , I suppose I could try

Again with the Crying ....

Ok had another session with my therapist and guess what Tears they fell like rain , what the hell at no other time then this my anti-depressants keep me from tearing up or feeling a thing and I get in here and a few questions into the session I cant stop crying . Frig make up my mind then on top of it I got home and their I was an emotional mess again , my wife wants to know whats wrong and why do I keep going to see my therapist if every time I am going to turn into a basket case , crying over

The dreaded Therapy session .... Nah It was all good ,LOL

Ok , yesterday I had my first session with my new therapist ( by the way didnt have an old one ) She's a great little lady , open to the needs and concerns we have concerning Transition , It is so hard to find a qualified phycologist that knows and can properly aid with all aspects of transition and any other issues we may have but I think she is going to be a great help , I dont have any real issues other then those fricking SOC rules I know they are in place for a reason but I am not the only

The time waists or is it just my waist ...

I know it has been a long time since I have been posting . I have been wondering why nothing I do manages to bring me to the point that My life is complete , I try to find work at home yet still manage to have to continue what makes me sad and discontent with my existance , I know I should be content in having work , yet for some reason thats is no consilation , I do however feel content with who I am I wear what I want I get up on good days when I put on my makeup and do my hair up and loo

Music that hides within us all ... Singing the tunes our hearts are playing within us all.

Within our minds we create lyrics of our lives , does your heart play the tune for the world to hear or do you simply humm the tune to your selves ... Within life the rythm plays and we create our songs of life , Do you hear your symphany playing your tune , or are you tone deaf .. As we walk down the streets watching others pass by , we often hear their songs playing loudly , what do they hear when they pass by you ? Do they hear a beautiful sound or do they wince in aggony when they hear

Time , it passes through the hour glass ... is this one broken , ( Laugh a bit )

It has been a while now since I last made a Blog entry so I felt it due . I set and often wonder why time seems to pass so quickly in our daily activities but yet it appears to stand still in so many of our Transitions . I know that this is all simply a misconception on my part but yet this is how it feels at times , as the sands of time slip away we often feel that we are moving forward in our day to day lives but our perceptions of our transition slaps us in the face seemingly telling us th

It's almost summer.... ok lets deal with sping first

I know that this winter has especially taken a toll on me but how about the rest of you ladies and gental men ? This winters snow fall has seamed to grow considerably since the last years , I should know I have traveled about 84 % of this winter in snow and icy conditions, not to mention the end has been wet thank goodness for that I was about to snap if I had to see one more snow flake fall . ... I really dislike the cold and I really dislike those that seem to think they have to be out in the

How must I feel

I suppose that I must feel something but today I am numb I dont feel anything empty inside , I dont know why but as of late I have been empty no tears fall when I cry no thoughts of others just a vast casm to be crossed .... I know that this isn't the first time nor will it be the last time I feel this way but I am courious why it happens is it our mind and bodies way of protecting us or is it like a rain barrel slowely filling and evaporating then filling again to be overflown yet again , is th

just a glimps

I am just a normal woman staining daily to make the right choices, How can I be sure I am making the correct ones can I even make a difference will I make it out of this with my brain intack, it ackes with the pain I feel my tears flow like rain my head at the point of bursting thoughts roll around like a land slide crashing into other thoughts and creating an overwelming sence of anquish and doubt..... The time it passes and slowely a tear turnes into a river of raging waters salty and bitter t

It's a day of Thanks, but yet it is sometimes a hard thing to be thankful for

Today is , well, suppose to be a day to give thanks for many things, but for this to be the true notion of freedom and cause for giving thanks.... Do we and are we truelly given these things I feel this answer to be no....Due to this thought I feel a bit un thankful, I know I have so many freadoms now that just a few years ago I was not privey to... But are we truelly free to be all we need and want to be free from... I feel this is just an ellusion given to us by the governing bodies, If they

seriously though

Hello you bright and inteligent humans out there in the net(er) net(er) land, I feel as though I must raise my hand to ask the question.... Me playing devils advicate once again, Mike's been off for some time, Thats ok I will play .... OK, Now it has come to my attention at the local water cooler that some of those that say they are your friends and closest allies are merely , traderous back stabbing A sexuals, Ok maybe B sexuals Or maybe No sexuals this might answer the question before I r

It appears to be....

Well..... It apears to be another day that we have found out that we arent as strong as we thought we were... Why me why why why.... You think that the world is against you it is out to get you your in it's sights and no matter what you try things just keep hittin' you right between the eyes. Well is it really out to get you or are you merely feeling sorry for your self, I believe that you are at a point in your life that you have created some opportunities for failure to catch up with you an

Sorry So Sorry....

I am so sorry for not being around for so long.... things are tough all over I know... Its not a good excuse and not even a bad excuse. But things have been real dificult for me lately... Ok , first things first I have started to with draw a bit my mind is on so many things as of late, Job, Money you all know the deal you are most likely going through it your selves... I was for a time only talking to my wife in my fem voice and things were fine but I senced a bit of tension from her , I thin

Well, that didn't hurt ....To much

Ok , a couple of weeks ago I sat down with my wife, yes I am still married after our talk.... Oh what a drain on me was this talk. I was emotionally spent, HUH so I though, guess what a few days later my Mother calls........ him hawing around the preverbial bush I did for a time.... cant fool your mother when somethings eating at you they wont leave you alone till you spill the beans... OK , back to my wife we sat down to a movie or something night kinda vexed me anyways we began talking about

Oh my goodness it has bean far to long

My oh my it has been so long since my last confession sisters..... Giggles sorry. How in the world are you ladies and gentlemen, have you worn the storm called winter well or have you barely made it through in sound mind.. I would like to say I have came through it unscathed but it would be a lie to utter those words to you , It took a toll on me as I am sure it has done to many others. The cold bites and tears at us like a wolf waiting for us to fall to its grip, Give up NEVER I say fight the

just for laughs

I was just wanting to change the post I have in here, What are some things that make you laugh, I really am interedted I love to listen to things that are humorous anything to get my mind off of life in general..We all have so much going on that we have to retreat to a funny place and have a good chuckle I think that dane cook is really funny also I like to listen to Jeff Dunham he the one that has all the puppets I really like penut and a few of the others like walter he's the bitter old bastar

Ok another day In

Ok ladies and gentlemen, Another day in this fight to survive I feel as though it is getting harder and more of a pessure to make it to the next day, these things we do have us under the vise they seem to me to be an at times unbairable , the anxiety pressing us into the ground and crushing the very air we breath out of our bodies Is this just me do I stand alone in this I think not I feel that it must be part of this struggle it must be because why would I feel this way if it wasn't part of the

these things we are thankful for...hum

What might you be thankful for I know that as the years go on I become less and less thankful for things....I mean life kicks us around and then plays with us like we were a big ball of twine and it was a giant putty tat just batting us around one time I would love to take life and beat it into submision...I know thats a bigger pipe dream then me becoming pregnant but yet another dream to the wind and another year behind us.....Isnt this just wonderful we try to go along with the rules and we st

These things we all do

These things we do to make our lives better Well not better persay but make it to were we can just live life without the constant pain and torment within our selves..Can getting the help from therapists and doctors make our lives livable Yes I do believe they can I have to think thats why we are forced to rely on them to transition..I know that we can transition without the normal route but with limited success and still the ever constant crush from life so what is the better of the two evils...

Just another day

Well boys and girls yet another day has been here and left us to fend for ourselves, The nights growing colder,coming sooner to us the darkness,Holding us in its grip longer than we should be held, those that dwell at night souring our days with thoughts of bitterness and anjuish...to only make it to the spring when all life begins again a new.....Life has a way of surviving the cold cruel world that we must endure...so must we make it to the spring to have reborn from our icy captor,held by tho

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