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Coming out ... step-by-step


Chrissy

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First, if any of you haven't heard the Junior Vaquez remix of Whitney Houston's "Step by Step" - you should check it out :rolleyes:

This has been a productive week in terms of coming out for me. I've now told all of my closest friends (in person or in writing) that I am transgender. In most cases it wasn't a surprise to them, and the support has been universal. My favorite light-hearted response was from my friend Chris (who is my closest friend among the group) who said "Woo hoo! Does that mean I'm hip?" (he does magic, so I leave it to each of you to decide if it's possible for him to be "hip").

The most substantive positive response was

"This is celebratory news. Please let me know how I can be a friend/supporter/ally/whatever you need. I know there's lots swirling around, and if you need to chat/bounce things off anyone, you've got an ear and a hug in me;) Truly.

Thanks for sharing, and as you continue, please let me know how best to support. There are lots of feelings around pronouns/language. I'm adaptable to whatever works for you. I love you as the person you are and am grateful we are friends."

Followed by an offer to start calling me "Christie" if I wanted (I don't do that in my day-to-day life yet, I don't feel like my external presentation matches that - but the fact that it's now come up probably means it will happen soon, at least in my personal life).

I've also told both of my supervisors at work, and a co-worker with whom I'm fairly close (and found out from her that another person was picking up some hints already - and was positive about it, which was very good considering she is over my 2 direct supervisors).

On the personal side, productivity came in the form of not trying to figure out "an answer" - my initial reaction (to many things) is to think that if I just think about it for awhile, and ask the right questions, I can come up with an answer right away. Well that's not going to happen here, the only way I'm giong to find an "answer" is to keep taking steps until I reach whatever destination is out there for me (or not, there might not really be a destination - as I write this I realize there probably isn't!).

So my approach now is to just look for steps that I can take - take them - see if they feel comfortable - then take another step - repeat...

There was a negative event at work, but one that lead to positive. I overheard several students (overheard is an overstatement, they were talking loud enough that one could think they were trying to talk to me from a distance), they were joking about the idea of a male (I couldn't tell who they were talking about beyond that) wearing a dress to a student event that night.

It wasn't something I could directly address (I'm staff at the school), but I did mention it to my boss, who apparently brought it up with her boss (the one I mentioned earlier), who suggested that they should probably incorporate sensitivity training into student orientation (and I believe she's sincere, she's not the type to just talk about it). So that was good - but the really good part is that it inspired me to try to take more steps to be out at work. It would be inappropriate for me to address the students directly about the issue, but if they ultimately get the point that I am TG it might make them think more about what they're saying.

Well, that's all for now - oh, tonight I'm telling my sister, first family member...

xoxo

Christie

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Monica and Emma,

Thank you both for your comments and ongoing support! I'm sure there will be difficult periods ahead, but so far it's been mostly a fun "process." The conversation with my sister didn't go that well, but it was about what I expected (not horrible, she's just a bit thoughtless at times - in this case it wasn't even comments specifically about me being TG, it was more general). Further reason that my friends are more important to me than family :-)

I got my latest order from Kohl's today, including several items of women's "business" clothing - so next week promises to be another week of pushing it!

xoxo

Christie

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Small set-back, none of the clothes I ordered were the correct size :(

I suspected that might be an issue when ordering on-line, when it was an area of clothing I have purchased before. I'm planning to return these at the store and then shop while I'm there

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Hi Christie,

I really like on-line shopping at Amazon, especially with Amazon Prime. They ship for free to a local 7-11 store so I don't have to worry or be at home when the package arrives, and returns are super easy to do, also with free shipping.

I know what you mean about the sizes. Last week I ordered a skirt from REI, and after very seriously studying the size guide, I selected XL. Well, it arrived and it was way too big! It's a tent! So then, I ordered three skirts from Amazon, two of them L and one L/XL. The two L's were still too big, but the L/XL fits perfectly, so that's the one I'm keeping of course.

I'm s chicken when it comes to going into the stores to shop, so I bought a belt for the big REI skirt. I think and hope it will look okay with that.

Take care,

Emma

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Hi Christie,

I really hope things turn out well for you, a good dress sense is invaluable for workplace acceptance, I went for the classic business woman look such as protrayed in 1960's films, perhaps I could have played alongside C Grant etc..............LoL :-). Anyway it works really well.

Yes, one step at a time is a good way to continue your journey, after a while you'll likely see your destination.................

Cheers,

Eve

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Emma, I know the feeling about shopping in the stores, I did at some point make it a personal challenge though and now it feels perfectly natural! The first few times I just bought, but then I started trying things on too. I love Kohl's, and started suspecting that their employees might be trained to not comment on what people are buying (which would be an excellent business practice).

I'm probably going to pause at this point for a little bit - I need to let my post-taxes finances settle down a bit before I start spending again - and I work at a school which is about to enter final exams and summer break, so my wardrobe will go more casual anyway, which means I can incorporate some clothes that I already have and then get my "business wardrobe" together over the summer.

xoxo

Christie

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