Ren,

first, good luck with the interview tomorrow!

On the question about your bf's mother, it sounds like you'be already tried to get her to respect you by using your correct name and gender, so it seems like the entire question is about leaving?  Perhaps she is someone who would respond positively to a more assertive demand by you (although she just doesn't sound very nice in general from everything you say).

My only suggestion, and you'be probably thought of this, is to make sure you are ready for the worst (getting kicked out). Only you can be sure that you are ready, emotionally and logistically (having a secure place to go).

Wish I had more to offer - but obviously I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do! And you should never hesitate to ask questions here, we all have times when we can give more and times when we need support :-)

Xoxo

Christie 

Sounds like she is an enabler who is not going to stop no matter what you say. Generally speaking you putting your foot down will do not good at this point.

Good luck with your interview tomorrow.

Dear Warren,

You are in a VERY toxic environment.  It seems she sees you as the most vulnerable person in her life, so she dumps on you.

Am concerned that, as a man, you are establishing a history of allowing a woman to boss you about.  Fear you may become a milque toast, and I have seen such men, not having respect for themselves.

Am praying you get the job in security, as I think you would be very good at it.  

May I ask, does this happen in front of your boyfriend?  Does he give you support in this, at least in private?

She may be angry because if you identify as a man, she will see her son as a Gaymale.  Sounds like she is extremely homophobic.

First things first.  Do everything you can to get a good job and KEEP IT.  Never leave a job until you have another one waiting, as you want to avoid gaps in your resume.

Challenge you to write a Pro/Con sheet . . . one for "If I Stay," and another for "If I Leave."

Example of a Pro/Con sheet:

                                                                          IF I STAY

                                                            PRO                                                                   CON

I live here rent free                                                                               I am abused regularly

The location is near my work                                                               I don't like her cooking

She does my laundry                                                                           She humiliates me in front of others

If the "con" list is twice, three times or four times longer than the "pro" list, then I think your gut is speaking to you loud and clear.

About living "rent free."  First, you always want to pay rent of some kind for your self-respect (even if "rent-free" is offered to you). Second, YOU ALWAYS PAY RENT, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER, even as being someone's emotional punching bag.

In my opinion, your job is to become employed and STAY employed.  A job is more than a paycheck . . . it is a source of self-esteem!

Warren, you are in my prayers.  YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!

Your friend,

Monica

It's her house.  She can call the shots.  And if she is not going to call you Ren or Warren, and interact with you as she would with any other male, you can put your foot thru the floor and it won't change anything.  I agree that it sounds like she is intentionally referring to you as female in every way possible.

I agree that in whatever way you plan on confronting her, you should be ready for the worst, which could possibly mean being kicked out.  If you're not in a position to take that chance yet, I think I would do everything I could to avoid her whenever possible to limit your exposure to her disrespect.

When you do have to be in her presense, and since you have legal documents to back you up, stop responding to her when she calls you by your former name.  Pretend you don't even hear her.  But again, you have to determine whether you are ready to be kicked out if she would go so far.

Good luck with the interview.  It would be nice if you could:  1) Get a job that you really would like to have, and 2) A job will help you get your own place.

-Michael

​Hey Monica,

Yeah we do pay rent, about 450$ a month plus 200$ in cellphone and another 50$ in car insurance. Justin does support me in private, but says nothing when she shoves me around. She is VERY homophobic and all I've heard lately is how "stupid" marriage equality is and how "disgusting" that "bruce" caitlyn jenner is.....Im SICK of it. 

Aside from that the interview went....okay....not great but not horrible. They said they'd call by the end of the week, but they double checked my name vs who I was. I think the trans thing threw them off a little, and they're looking for someone older or experienced. We'll see.

I've done a pro's and cons list and I literally only have like....3 things on the pros and 12 things on the cons.

Today I came home from all my running around to find my bedroom door wide open, my native american medicine wheel and safe guard disk on the hall flew chewed up by a cat, and half my razors gone. They do this constantly and I'm ready to put a goddamn padlock on my door >.> 

Warren

Dear Warren,

About the job . . . if they do not call you by the end of the week, you call THEM and ask about the status of your application.  If they have hired someone else, you let them know you wish the other person well, but if they can, to keep your application, and if they have a future opening, to please consider you. 

Now that I understand you are paying rent, then she is your LANDLADY, and she is being very unprofessional.  

Please don't give up looking for a job . . . commit to yourself that you will look for work and a place to live EVERY DAY.  Why look for an apartment when you do not yet have a job?  So that when you get a job, you will have a short list of acceptable apartments that you can consider, especially one near the job.  Long commuting distances have been proven to deter job retention.  

May I ask, does your boyfriend consider himself a Straight or Gay man?  Do you consider yourself a Straight or Gay man?  From my interaction with you and looking at your pictures (I have very sensitive "Gaydar"), you come across as a Straight man.  Of course, I could be wrong.

Don't give up!  Looking forward to hearing about your housing and job searches!  May I suggest you hold yourself accountable to your friends here at TGGuide.  We are all rooting for you!

Your friend,

Monica

"Now that I understand you are paying rent, then she is your LANDLADY, and she is being very unprofessional."  -- Monica

If this is actually an agreement - she asked for rent and named the amount, then the space in her house that is not considered common area is yours, and she cannot enter your space unannounced when you are not there unless there is an emergency.  Otherwise, any entry must be scheduled and you must be notified in advance.

This means that if you attempt to "put your foot down" concerning her treatment of you, she can't just kick you out - she has to evict you, and that requires a thirty day notice.

Don't wanna cause any stress between you and your boyfriend since that is his mother, but these are things to consider if it is indeed a landlord/tenant situation, no matter how "laid back" or informal it is.  In most places, as soon as money is handed over in exchange for living accomodations, it becomes a rental situation, and even if it's month-to-month, she can't just walk in tomorrow and tell you to pack your things and leave.  Therefore, as Monica indicated, work hard at finding a job first... then look for a place of your own.  It'll be tough...but just try to stay away from her.

-Michael