Jump to content
Transgender Message Forum
  • entries
    105
  • comments
    360
  • views
    20,049

Dysphoria 100, Warren 0

WarrenG

Entry posted by WarrenG

1,745 views

 Share

Dysphoria was hitting hard today. Has been for the past few days, actually.

Although today while I were at the store, someone in the line behind me called me Sir which was awesome. But it was too hard to enjoy it when I were in pain. I refuse to go anywhere anymore because it hurts...I cant wear my binder anymore. My chest size has AGAIN gone up. Bumping me from a DD to a DDD size. I'll admit, its soul crushing. It made me want to curl up in a ball and cry until it eventually killed me. It hurts....the weight, the binding, my ribs...It just hurts so much. And there's nothing I can do about it. It hurts not only emotionally but physically, more than I could possibly express. My ribs ache like never before, and going to my doctor about it was only a punch in the gut. "Only thing I can suggest is stop binding. There's nothing else I can do to help other than your muscle relaxant meds I gave you..." she said. I dont hate her for it, she's doing what she can. But there's only so much she CAN do.

On top of that, its fourth of July. But here I sit, home by myself, because my boyfriend went with his family to the family BBQ...which I cannot attend without a fight breaking out about me being transgender being a cry for attention. His sister-in-law even had the balls enough to message him with "im here if you ever need to talk about it". Like...really!? Thanks, I know he would appreciate talking to someone now and then, but what about me!? The person the family is shunning!?!?!?

I want my surgery....I want it so bad and there's nothing I can do about it. No loans I can take out I can afford to pay off. They all want 300$ minimum for monthly payments, and I'm lucky to have 20$ in my pocket. I found a place where I can get it dont for 4500$ instead of the 9000$ but its all the way in the bottom of the country. I cant do that....Everything I want or need is so far out of my reach that it just makes me want to curl up and say **** the ****ing world, I'm done.

I cant even bind anymore. And I cant afford a new binder. Even if I could..it hurts......so wtf is the point.......

Only good news is if I change my VT birth certificate to Male, all of NH's documents has to honor that and change things to Male. But, again....what the **** is the point when I'm got DDD breasts that I can no longer hide? Feels like I'm slowly mentally killing myself here....And there's nothing I can do about it.

 

Warren

  • Like 1
 Share

6 Comments

Recommended Comments

KarenPayne

Warren, I can understand your frustrations to some extent and wish there was someway the system (thinking about say Medicare) could get you this surgery either for no charge or a greatly reduced charge. If you don't mind me asking, what state offers this for half the price?

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
MonicaPz

Warren,

May I ask you, how large are your mother's, aunts' and sisters' breasts?  If they are large, yours will tend to be, too.  If you have a double mastectomy, if large breasts run in the family, you will want to make sure the surgeon knows this, as she or he would want to remove as much breast tissue as possible, because they can continue growing, requiring a second double mastectomy.  Also, I suspect, if your father, brothers, and uncles have "male boobs," this will reinforce this tendency.  

Karen, I believe Medicare is a FEDERAL program, and is the same in all fifty states.  Medicaid, which takes care of the 20% Medicare co-pay for some patients, varies from state to state.

There are some hospitals overseas that offer significant savings, but I fear even if some of these hospitals are well-run, that problems can occur after the patient returns home, and of course, the patient would have difficulty returning to resolve the problem.

Wish I had answers . . .

Yours truly,

Monica

Link to comment
WarrenG

Warren, I can understand your frustrations to some extent and wish there was someway the system (thinking about say Medicare) could get you this surgery either for no charge or a greatly reduced charge. If you don't mind me asking, what state offers this for half the price?

 

​None within my reach :/ everything is either Florida or California area.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
WarrenG

Warren,

May I ask you, how large are your mother's, aunts' and sisters' breasts?  If they are large, yours will tend to be, too.  If you have a double mastectomy, if large breasts run in the family, you will want to make sure the surgeon knows this, as she or he would want to remove as much breast tissue as possible, because they can continue growing, requiring a second double mastectomy.  Also, I suspect, if your father, brothers, and uncles have "male boobs," this will reinforce this tendency.  

Karen, I believe Medicare is a FEDERAL program, and is the same in all fifty states.  Medicaid, which takes care of the 20% Medicare co-pay for some patients, varies from state to state.

There are some hospitals overseas that offer significant savings, but I fear even if some of these hospitals are well-run, that problems can occur after the patient returns home, and of course, the patient would have difficulty returning to resolve the problem.

Wish I had answers . . .

Yours truly,

Monica

​Sadly large bust sizes DO run in the family. As of right now, I am a 44DDD. I'm not sure about the male side of my family since my father passed away when I was young, and I never bothered to remember those details of him :P And I cant base anything off my 18yr old brother because he's always been built like a twig. But I'll be sure the surgeon is aware IF I get to that point. I did just get a letter of acceptance for insurance but talk to my agent at the hospital about it tomorrow, so I'll keep you all updated. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
eveannessant

Warren,

I really feel for you and your deep discomfort. It's a shame you don't have an NHS in the US. I too, used to not want to go out or be very selective as to the places that I would go out to, so I have an idea of some of your problem's.

I hope that things improve for you soon,

Cheers,

Eve

  • Like 2
Link to comment
UsernameOptional

I wish I had some suggestion or solution.  I have issue dealing with what I have... so I can pretty well imagine what you're feeling like.  Just think... if humans were like every other mammal on the planet, the damn things wouldn't exist until pregnancy.

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
×
  • Create New...