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Huge mistake

KarenPayne

Entry posted by KarenPayne

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Be forewarned what follows is sexually explicit and there is no need to warn me about what I did as I am an adult and know the risk.

The intent here is for others to learn from my mistakes, nothing more nothing less. I take no pride in what follows and hope others will learn from this.

sex_addiction.jpg

So Friday I was feeling frisky but not enough to act out on these feelings as I was comfy at home. So I used my toy and pleasured myself early evening and throughout the night the sensations lingered, went to bed and was a pleasant sleep. Woke up Saturday morning and read something that got me a little excited so I decided to use my toy while dilating. Next thing I know it’s an hour later, did not want to stop but did. I am now thinking I need to find a man as I am about to go crazy needing something more than my toy. I have several men whom I have sexual encounters with, none were available yesterday morning, not until later in the evening. Well I needed it now and then.

So I have been in the past to an adult club where I have hooked up with one man several times and was hoping he would be there. Did not get dressed up sexy, never do, they see me coming and the penises stand in salute.

So I sit down in a room playing porn. The man I was seeking was not there. Figured since I just paid ten bucks to get in I would sit back and play with myself and maybe the man might come in later. 

It took all but two minutes and I was surrounded by a group of men with their penises out. One was very polite and asked if he could touch me. I nodded and he proceeded to caress me which felt good. After a while he wanted to get inside of me and I acknowledge his intent and he put on a condom. He tried several times to enter me but failed then turned to another man stoking away and said (I think) “do you want this”, he nodded yes and I nodded yes. He put on a condom and tried to enter me but could not. Then as I see it this is funny, he gets between my legs and strokes his penis against my belly and after about 30 seconds let’s out a moan, turns and the first man asked if he had orgasm and nodded yes. All this time a man next to me was attempting to shove his penis into my mouth and I must have refused a dozen times. Along comes a younger man, built extremely well, he does everything right before entering me and has zero issues and lasted at least ten minutes.

When leaving the place I was not in a very good mood even though I finally got what I was after it was not enjoyable in that I had to go through two pigs to get what I wanted and decided no matter how aroused I get will never, ever go back to such a place.

Guess what, my urge is back today and I am keeping my legs closed. What I now wonder is how cisgender woman deal with this when they get aroused and a play toy is not enough. I doubt they run off to an adult arcade to get satisfaction.
 

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Steph53

Hiya Karen. Sweetheart, You are Only Human. It Is just a Pity, You had to go through All the Nonsense, with The two idiot's. To call them Pigs is insulting Pigs ! L.O.L. It just goes to show, that You most certainly are Female. It would be really nice, if You found Someone, You could really fall in Love with, Someone Who You Could Enjoy making Love with. I Hope that I Haven't Offended or Upset You with The Comment, but I would Not like You to get into a Bad Place ! Karen, I have So Much Respect for You, and I Really do wish Only Good Things For You. Take Care Love. Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo

 

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eveannessant

And I truly wonder about myself and the future, will I be able to resist such feelings and make do with a toy? I do worry about that, and how it might affect my wonderful wife (now termed as partner), I've mentioned before the conundrum that is going through my brain, I think as a comment in one of your earlier postings Karen, I often fantasise about penises but I don't think that I could cope (without throwing up) with the useless flesh around the penis called man, thowing up? yes it'd make me sick I'm sure. But will this change after GRS? There have been so many changes already that I can't be sure what the future holds for me.........................

One things for sure though as Steph has said you're only human, (even if you're a 007 clone! LoL - no!, more like a bond girl now with your weapons stashed about you!) and I'd hate to think that you're going to continue to beat yourself up over this episode. You know what I'd probably have done the same anyway and risked all, I'm so impulsive and I will sieze the moment..................

God (if you're a believer) bless you

Eve x

 

 

 

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MonicaPz

Dear Karen,

Applaud your courage on sharing such a personal story.  Here's my take on it, as a cisgender female who is also a Lesbian.  Please keep in mind I am 57 years old, (born January 19, 1958) and that my mother was 42 and my father 41 when I was born (your point of view is not only determined by how old you are, but also how old your parents were when you were born).  Also, my parents had conservative European backgrounds.

In light that one out of four boys and one out of four girls were molested by age 18, this looks like a re-enactment of a gang rape situation. Also promiscuity is an adult symptom of an adult survivor of child molestation.  These issues often do not show up until adulthood.  

Please keep in mind I am not trained psychotherapist or counselor, and because of this, I strongly recommend you seek professional help to sort all this out.  See this as a cry out for help.  Please do not put yourself into further danger.

Your friend,

Monica

Edited by MonicaPz
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KarenPayne

Monica, no help needed here and no cry for help :) Never been abused or gang raped and no denials what-so-ever. I figured someone might think this but has no truth. Lastly, this will never happen again.

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