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Everyone's so nice at work!

JayM

Entry posted by JayM

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It can't last forever, surely?

Two days ago, I composed an email to be sent out to selected people at work. I was going to send it out myself but then my mentor (I call her that, because she's been helping me a lot) suggested it might be better if the email was sent by my manager, with a few words from him to show he's supporting me. So I sent my composed email to him along with a list of people that I wanted him to send it to, and he wrote a very nice intro to it and sent it for me.

Almost immediately, I received three replies from senior managers, saying stuff like, "Well done" and "I'm proud of you" and "I'm here if you need anything".

Today, I arrived at my desk and a guy came over and said, "Thanks for sending me that email. Thanks for including me on the list because I could tell you chose that list of recipients carefully. So I thought maybe that means you see me as a friend." One of the reasons I'd sent it to him was because I can tell that he's pretty influential at work. He's not a senior manager but he's well respected. And when my mother died, he was the only person to say "I'm sorry" and offer me a hug. So I suppose I see him as someone I respect and I kind of hoped he might be on my side when he found out what I'm doing.

And he confirmed that he is on my side. He said, "If you need anything, if anyone gives you any sh*t, if you want to talk to someone, I'm here."

So I said, "There is one thing..." And I explained that, in January, when I will be full-time male after the HR systems and the IT systems have been changed, and my new name is there for all to see, I fully intend to use the male toilets from day one. He said, "And so you should!" But I explained that, because I haven't ventured in them yet, I don't know the layout and I want to know where the stalls are and where the urinals are so that, when the time comes, I can just walk in and go where I need to go, without looking like I'm lost. And without feeling like an intruder.

So he took me inside and showed me around :P

He said that when I go full-time in January, if I feel I need some backup, especially at the beginning, he'll go to the toilets with me. isn't that nice?

So far, everyone who knows (and it's not a very long list yet) has been incredibly supportive.

At work, anyway.

The only fly in my ointment is my brother. He's still having a hard time with this. He's the only one who has had anything negative to say. I hope that changes soon. :( 

 

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eveannessant

I think you just have to get on with it and not worry about what others might think, or how you appear, just do what you've gotta do, wash your hands, dry them and walk out just the same as if you've just used the ladies. Remember that you don't have to hold a conversation in the"bogs", it's quite normal not to, unless it's someone who you know. This is what I've done whenever I've used the ladies, and it works for me. It's also true of most mundane activities, such as in the supermarket. I feel that if I start thinking about what others think or what I look like, I'd be read. 

Glad everything is going so well for you,

Cheers,

Eve

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Steph53

Hiya Jay. It Is So good that You have got somebody on Your side. Please do Not take any messing from anyone at all. You have done the right thing, getting Your Manager to put the E-Mail's out. Jay, You can be very Proud , of how far that You have come, so far, and You Will continue to do so well. I Am glad that Your Husband is being supportive of You. Hopefully, Your Brother will eventually come round. Jay, have a Good Weekend, Take Care Young Man, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo 

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Emma

Hi Jay,

Good for you! I fully agree with Eve, by the way.  There's nothing odd at all about walking into any restroom and not knowing the layout. I can guarantee few things but this is one: no one will notice your taking in the layout of the facilities.  It is what it is.  One needs to know which and where.  To me the most awkward thing is when, say, the stall(s) is busy.  What to do?  :-)  Hang around and wait?  No, that's kinda creepy.  Probably best to move to a different restroom or wait outside.  

We're all pulling for you and look forward to hearing more about your experiences.

Hugs,

Emma

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eveannessant

To expand on my previous comment I have just thought of an analogy, imagine that you are trying to photograph someone who is posing, these sort of photographs rarely come out showing the true way that a person appears in everyday life, they just look unnatural, not quite right. Then think about photographs taken of people who are unaware of being photographed, they look very natural, and different from a posed shot.................so if you are thinking about "your performance" and how you look to to others, it's much the same as posing. I know that you will probably feel under more scrutiny in the "bogs" than in many other places, please ignore that feeling, and never ever give in to it. You just have to get on with what you're doing and ignore others, yes some may be unsure of your gender, but they won't ever be sure if you just get on with whatever you're doing, it can be likened to a poker game, are they going to call you if they aren't sure, and risk of making an absolute arse out themselves............?

Christmas Hugs, (no, don't know if they're any different from normal hugs !)

Eve

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