Hi there everybody

Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now.

So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing.  I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do.  If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgender in the first place.  And in retro spec, I assume I would've gone under the knife.  Idiot and I would've been capable of going on lower doses of medication.  But then again I believe the best medical treatment can only be given if your doctor have all the necessary information, of which I could determine that he was transphobic and still a good doctor, that at least put his prejudice aside to treat me.

Got back to work 2 weeks later still feeling under the weather and in so much pain, seeing that the infection was from my abdomen to my crotch area, and effected my balance and core strength.  Being tender and weak for literally and figuratively 6 weeks.  Yes, I finally felt how everyone else felt, vulnerable.  But I faked it through that timeframe to look strong.  Went though a week of crying at work, because pressure I normally could handle, but hey it seemed like all the strong women were vulnerable that week, so I was not alone.

An instruction came that we must only wear uniform from now on, and it came before I was ready to wear a firearm.  So to my dismay, I had to fake being stronger even more to keep people at bay.  Yeah, no incidents, or so I thought.  Got asked to drop something and there I drive into a fight with knives wearing uniform and in a marked vehicle, so couldn't even attempt to keep myself safe by leaving it alone.  I did the only thing I could think of to safeguard me and the passenger (a clerk), use my weapon only to stop the fight and make those men drop their knives before they reach us as a way to get the upper hand.  Situation defused, and I carried on.  And yes, the though went through my head, what if I had to shoot one or both of the men.  And the other thought that was spinning in my head wasn't just our safe or taking them out fast when the situation asks for it, but I can't look weak in the face of danger.  The one thing I appreciated was the clerk with me had reservist training, so also knew how to deal with the situation, although she hasn't been in the field for a long time, and it seems where firearms are drawn or I need to act she is almost always with me.  And it always happens in a ganster ridden area, I am only driving with her in calm areas from now on.

Then I had a make-upless day two weeks ago and the wet hair picture attached was that day.  The others were taken basically a week later while I was waiting on someone to return.

I also found out the woman I thought was quiet, is actually rude, and brings out my defenses and I had to put her on her place once in a shouting match.  But now, I get the evil eye from her and I just pretend she is a bad demon that is trying to get back into this realm to wreak havoc on earth, as she was vanquished previously.  And my answer to her questions will always be negative for her, because I can't help evil in any way or form.

I'm also laughing at my kids, not biological at all.  But last night the 14 year old runs up to me asking how his other mother is doing.  Shame, he definitely have too many mother.  Two extra this side, one where he lived the most of his life, and a multitude of grandparents.  I was told I have to many fathers for my children, and I said, "No way, I only have one man with two children, not a different daddy for each child."

So we have caught up from where I last said I was admitted to hospital to now.

Ps.  I needs to release from frustrations and almost threw the one guy off the back of a bakkies (South African term for a pick-up truck) while flinging tyres at him.  But he was understanding and told me, I should've warned him that my body was still sore on the inside and he would've moved the 24 tyres on his own.

I bid you farewell for now.  Have a peaceful time, and remember, safety in number.  Be safe, secure, and love yourself because if you can't appreciate yourself, others will find it hard to find you worthy, even though you are all perfectly imperfect just like me.   Who wants to be perfectly perfect, not me!!!

Lots of love and hugs

Michele​