It has been a while now since I last made a Blog entry so I felt it due .

I set and often wonder why time seems to pass so quickly in our daily activities but yet it appears to stand still in so many of our Transitions . I know that this is all simply a misconception on my part but yet this is how it feels at times , as the sands of time slip away we often feel that we are moving forward in our day to day lives but our perceptions of our transition slaps us in the face seemingly telling us that you are stuck in this , there is no way you are going to ever be able to finally become the person within , You know that I have often struggled through the years with this and as I have been writing my book I came to realize after reading it correcting it and rereading it 20 times that , ( here it comes ) I transitioned along time ago ( Ok maybe not that long ago laughs a little to self ) just because my body still outwardly appears to be male I never stopped being and doing everything I really wanted to be and do , this might seem strange to a lot of you but others will know exactly what I am saying .

The fact of the matter here is that everything in my life I have done I thought it was out of necessity but when in all reality I still lived the life I felt comfortable living , I realized that I still feel sexy and just as female as I did when I realized who it was that I am . The clothes didn't make the difference , the hair didn't change anything my girlie actions didn't affect my life , I did , I affected my life ... I dictated my actions , perceiving these were the actions I was suppose to take this was the way society and family wanted me to make and do but I had the control I could have made a different life if I would have realized this when I was younger , but it wasn't time I still needed to grow and experience so much more of what life had to offer me , does this mean that I am not going to go through the physical transition no this means that I am that much more driven to accomplish this ... I simply do not need any approval from society to be me because I have always been me and will always be me , just a few alterations to the outfit I was given at birth ..

The sight of who I am in the mirror saddened me in the past , making me feel I was trapped but as of late time has shown me that I have never stopped being the person that I had glimpsed in the mirror , You might then say that if I realized all of this then why would I even need to change the stitches in time well because the outfit doesn't match and it is a problem , but a simple problem not one that really hindered my life nor my personal decisions , I really hope you understand and can come to some understanding in your own lives . It is still an up hill battle for me but at least now I can see a little further down the path I have taken ...

Like the adage says life is what you make of it , I have made a good life I will never stop feeling this is true , I have made my life my own no one else did it for me they never took my hand and showed me that this is what and were you need to be , they simply told me to go into life and do , that's exactly what I did , I made my life with my own view of it , I might then again might not have made some other decisions along the way if I knew then what I know now and went through physical transition , I will never know but from this point on I will still make My decisions for My life , I will walk with a swing , I will still cry at movies , I will still show my mannerisms when I talk and move , I will still act like the B**ch I am when I get mad , and I will still Hold my family in dearest regard like only a Daughter a Sister a Mother and a Grandmother can ....

Final thought , If you need to blame society for mistakes in your life , you should talk to some one that can show you that the mistakes in your life have been made by you not society ... Love who you are not who you think you should be , be who you are not who you want to be ... SPR