Hi Bree,

Most definitely, I do understand and share your feelings. I called my shrink today to have an urgent meeting tomorrow, as I'm also way in the danger zone. It sucks to feel this way. But I love your description of dropping the soap. That made me smile. I hope you're feeling better of course.

Emma

Thank you, the headache has finally gone, and luckily the part of my head I decided to headbutt was in my hair so no visible bruises to scream "CLUMSY GIRL WHO CAN'T SHOWER WITHOUT A CHAPERONE HERE!" to the world.  I'm still all...weird inside, but it's calming down a little bit.  It's just this insane feeling that I'm vulnerable to some sort of attack and I can't find the hole in the defense wall or even a logical provocation to explain it.  It doesn't even make sense, as I've removed most of the actual unpleasant influences in my life.  Brains, who can understand them?

My new super awesome homemade from scratch (sorta, I admit I buy the cornbread crumbs instead of making bread and crumbling it, but close enough!) is going to debut Tday.  The family always brings dishes to each others on the holidays, and I"m really not sure why AJ and I do this, because I host one holiday and she the other and it just seems like a weird dance of traveling food, but whatever keeps the peace I suppose. 

My home organization project came to a screeching (but temporary) halt as my main work area is my dining room, and is currently stuffed to the gills with a stegosaurus in a santa hat, a polar bear in a scarf, and two snoopy sculptures.  Nikki go most of the string lights up yesterday, is going to finish them and get my light sculptures outside and set up today.  We're moving the sculpture things from the front yard to the side yard, last time we put them up some jerk kicked my polar bears head backwards.  Grr.  I love my polar bear thing, it's adorable and his head moves slowly back and forth.  My holiday stegosaurus is adorable too.   I will go full Negan from Walking Dead on anyone I find kicking their defenseless heads in. 

And I'm geared up for this years 'why do you celebrate christmas as an atheist' round of crazy.  Cuz it's a giant holiday in my culture that has as much meaning in the spirit of catching up wtih family, taking a break from the winter dreary, and submission to the fact that it's EVERYwhere so might as well have fun with the sparkly lights and presents as it has religious meaning for some.  Meh.  No, I"m not cranky today, why do you ask?  *smirks*  I miss my pool.