sorry you are going through this but i have learned the hard way you can not live to keep others comfortable but deny your own needs, they would not alter their behavior to allow you to feel real and alive so you really owe them nothing in return  just from my personal experience live and for yourself and learn to love yourself because you deserve that love and caring.

I think I am going to leave tomarrow...give her the space to figure things out...She told me that last night she rolled over and saw things she didn't want to see...I'm sorry if a yoga top is inappropriate sleepwear, it's comfortable.  I tried to sleep topless a week or so ago, and couldn't get over feeling exposed.

If she comes home fired up again tomarrow I will leave, I already am packed except for toiletries. 

After six hours to think and sleep on this decision, I still believe it is the right one.  If she comes home all riled, I will take my clothes and leave...I believe it is the best thing for us both.

oh i am so sorry this is hurting you sister but be strong and find your true self because that is your right and you deserve to be your true self and happy you are loved sister

I was getting ready to leave tonight, she actually said the exact words I needed to hear.  She said, "I don't want you to leave.". I don't know if I will be sleeping alone yet, but I guess it's something.

Dear Confused,

Please be slow to separate. Is there a guest bedroom where you can sleep?

Separation is not permission for infidelity, but for an opportunity for each partner to clear their minds. It should only be undertaken after careful discussion by both partners, and, hopefully, counseling.

Please keep us posted.

Yours truly,

Monica

P.S.  Do you want for us to call you Tilly?

We do not have a spare bedroom unfortunateky.  As l am going through this, part of why I was ready to leave is that when i see the look of disgust on my spouce's face when she looks at me hurts worse then seeing myself with the parts with which I was born.

I have no desire to be unfaithful.  I have said before, I love my wife very deeply and want to spend the rest of my life with her,  i just now see that if we can stay together it will be as two women.

This life transition is being so hard on both of us, I wish there were a way I could m as ke it easier on her.  I understand that I am in for a struggle,  I just wish that I could bear the pain myself and not share it with the woman I love.

14 minutes ago, Christy said:

Can you imagine your wife with a beard?

I cannot comment on the in and outs of this because my marriage ended already, but I know that even though I am not with her I am genuinely happy that  my ex is happier with her new partner now and that our relationship is amicable. Being able to talk things through and trying to see things from your spouses perspective are so important in a solid relationship, I just want to let you know that I'm rooting for you both and that I truly hope that you are able to stay with the people that you love. 

Thank you both.  I needed that today. 

Dear Tilly and Christy,

Significant others/wives who have been married for years have invested greatly into the relationship/marriage, and they fear they will never find love again. Their ultimate fear is to be alone for the rest of their lives.

When you transition, your significant other/wife transitions with you, as well as your children, and, to a lesser extent, your friends and coworkers.

Your friend,

Monica