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Broken Mirrors


Blackangel

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I don’t know what the purpose of this post is. Maybe none. I don’t know who, what, or where I am anymore. I look in the mirror for help, but there is no one looking back at me. I don’t know how to make sense of what’s going through my head nonstop. A little further. Stop. Turn around. Stop. Full steam ahead. Stop. Where the hell do I go if none of those directions are fulfilling?

Who am I? I wish by the Gods I could answer that. Am I the same loser I always was from my first memory until this very moment? Am I something more? Am I something less? Does it matter? Do I matter? Would anyone even understand if I tried telling them?

What am I? Am I still a joke? A punching bag? The world’s whipping child? A whiny brat who can’t make up their own pathetic mind?

 

Does this inane rambling matter to anyone, myself included? By the very definition of “inane”, the answer is a solid NO. So apparently there is no point. I wish I could think of a replacement that would be an improvement over me. But even with my value circling the drain, it’s hard to find someone who is masochistic enough to be willing to step into my shoes.

 

”All that I loved, I loved alone.”
Edgar Allen Poe

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Hi Jennifer,

Some time ago I moved to a different place, so that's been keeping me busy and I haven't been online much. But I'm catching up now, and reading posts from...the last year I think. Just wanted to let you know that your inane ramblings matter to me, a lot. Thank you for your openness. I struggle every day with being transgender and bipolar, and reading that someone else might have the same struggle, something that I recognize, is a great comfort. We are not alone, and thanks to you sharing your thoughts, I am stronger than I would be alone. You matter. We all matter in the end. Sometimes the fight is the only reason I have to keep going, even if I feel so confused that I've forgotten what the fight is about. Stay strong girl, keep up the good fight, this world needs you.
with love,
Emily

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