Part 5/ Why am I like this?

My childhood was full of trauma and mental illness and, sure, I wondered how much this may have affected my gender identity. I studied pretty much everything I could find in 2015, including academic journals and gender therapists: Answer: it didn't. Why was I so curious? Because I felt that if it was caused by my early life that it ought to be able to be "cured." 

I experienced my gender dysphoria since I was 4 or 5, and believe that it was earlier but my memory doesn't go back farther. I know this because of things my parents said as I was growing up. Clearly (to me) they were trying to make a boy out of me. I tried, I really did.

You're no fool. It's easy to look back and find things we wished we'd done differently. It's harder and ultimately much more important to look forward and do what we need to do. An acquaintance of mine, Dara Hoffman-Fox—a gender therapist—wrote an important book: "You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery." They (Dara is nonbinary) wrote that we're all on our own Hero's Journey which means that we were cast into a role that we didn't choose and don't like and it's up to us to blaze our trails or... not. 

Check it out. It's a great book. And oh yeah, I edited its second edition! (No, I receive nothing from book sales. I did it for fun and to help Dara.)

Dear Emma,

I am sure transgenderism is 100% organic, with no psychosocial cause.

When looking for a partner, you want to find a woman who complements you, as well as help you fulfill your needs as a woman. It also goes in the reverse direction, too, in that you want to seek to validate your partner.

Your friend,

Monica

Thanks! Me too! I once asked a therapist if my mother's sexual abuse during my childhood might have anything to do with my desire to be female. She said: "Mothers actions are frequently blamed for our psychology, but that's usually not the cause" . All I can think , then, is I was just born this way.