Ok had another session with my therapist and guess what Tears they fell like rain , what the hell at no other time then this my anti-depressants keep me from tearing up or feeling a thing and I get in here and a few questions into the session I cant stop crying . Frig make up my mind then on top of it I got home and their I was an emotional mess again , my wife wants to know whats wrong and why do I keep going to see my therapist if every time I am going to turn into a basket case , crying over the littlest things and at nothing at all , she said she wanted me to stop going if this keeps up , and I told her I need it apparently because of the years of this building up and not letting go of it all , so I know I am gona cry my eyes out until I get this stumbling block knocked out , I thought I had made it past all this a long time ago but hey its really a different story when there is that carring soul looking back at you asking those questions and reflecting your pain ...

I know my problems but I simply cant get over them , is this a good thing for my transition , well no I need to be strong because transitioning is a mental battlefield constantly bombarding us with waves of attacks , so to be holding onto such old pain it makes transition seem insurmountable and almost unatainable ...

I know that I have to get past these problems as well because transition is a marvelous and splendid time that we should revel in because of the joy our lives are begining to expeiriance for the first time since our awaikening , But you know 34 years of battle is so hard to let go of in such a short amount of time , hence why Time be your best friend take it hold it and use it to make it past this crap , I know I am , Ok going to cry myself to sleep and hopefully when I wake up in the morning I have managed to break down one more obsticle that held me back from my happiness ...

You all my best Love and hugs

Steph