Dear Warren,

I sure know what you mean about some days are good and some days aren't. And also, living with secrecy. Quite literally, it sucks big time.

I think you took the right step to put down the knife and walk away. I hope you don't get fired, of course, but on the scale of bad vs. worse, harming yourself is much worse.

I'm a little reluctant to offer suggestions since we don't know each other and I don't want to come off like some sort of know-it-all. But what the heck, here's a couple:

- Go take a walk, get outside, and look around. Get some air into your lungs and head. Try to think of things you're grateful for.

- Get a blank book and write a couple (no more than two) pages. Just sit there and write it out. (I use those black Moleskin books.) I often find that I'll start writing and surprise, surprise, after a few sentences or paragraphs, I'll start coming up with some positive ideas to help myself.

And consider calling your boss to explain and beg forgiveness. He/she would appreciate your having the consideration of letting them know what's up. Sure, you may need to stretch the truth a bit, but just tell them that you were suddenly feeling pretty crappy and felt that it was better to split without notice than possibly make a mess in the kitchen. I think they'll put two and two together and give you another chance.

Best of luck to you and thanks for writing.

Emma

I tried to post earlier, but lost internet connection. I'm glad it worked out that way, though, because I had nothing to suggest to deal with the constant barrage of female terms of endearment, and female pronouns/references - Emma has offered some good ideas.

I too hope all goes well with the boss, and that you don't get fired.

-Mike

- Go take a walk, get outside, and look around. Get some air into your lungs and head. Try to think of things you're grateful for.

- Get a blank book and write a couple (no more than two) pages. Just sit there and write it out. (I use those black Moleskin books.) I often find that I'll start writing and surprise, surprise, after a few sentences or paragraphs, I'll start coming up with some positive ideas to help myself.

And consider calling your boss to explain and beg forgiveness. He/she would appreciate your having the consideration of letting them know what's up. Sure, you may need to stretch the truth a bit, but just tell them that you were suddenly feeling pretty crappy and felt that it was better to split without notice than possibly make a mess in the kitchen. I think they'll put two and two together and give you another chance.

So I did get ahold of my boss and explained to him that I'd had a panic attack (which they know I get sometimes, I've passed out at work before) and that I was very very sorry, and showed up an hour early to work the next day so we could talk about it. He said basically just "dont do it again. If you need to leave, tell someone. We cant tell you no, but we'd like to know when some of our staff decide to walk out"

So, I still have a job. Unfortunatly while on my best behaviour, drama went down last night >.< I'll explain in my next post/blog.

As for the writing things down, Ill try that. I do go outside for fresh air when I need to, or sometimes I just retreat to the bathroom stalls with my ipod and calm down until I feel safe enough to try again. Works sometimes.

Thank you for your suggestions! All and any are always welcome

Warren