Hey Warren,

I'm glad you had such a nice time with your sister and sorry those feelings went down the crapper with your boyfriend. That just sucks, especially after having such a great day, with your being recognized as a male.

Sounds to me like you need to have a heart-to-heart adult-to-adult conversation with your boyfriend (after you're both calm) about your feelings, and see how he reacts and what he says. It's painful to go through these things but we all do with our partners. After, you'll have a sense of whether or not you see yourself staying with him and no matter what, you can say to yourself that you did the right thing. I hope you take this as friendly advice from a friend, that's all it is. I may be reading the situation all wrong, which would be no surprise.

Good luck,

Emma

I agree that the two of you need to sit down and really talk about your relationship and each one's identity. I don't know if "couples counselling" would help or not.

Thing is... I get the impression your b/f is not gay, and probably not even " While we often hear of wives who remain with their MTF spouses even though those wives are not lesbian, or even bisexual for that matter, I think it might be a bit rare for straight males to remain with their FTM partners.

Work on the relationship. Get help if possible. But you should also be prepared for the relationship to end if your b/f can't see himself in a relationship with man.

-Michael

Sorry to see that.

Well I think the only answer I can give Men just forget unless its about them.

Plus they want to be in control.

Well hope it gets better

Maggie

Unfortunatly we've had a sit down and talked about this together. We even attempted to break up and go seperate ways, but that only lasted a few days and we were together again. He insists that he's fine with it, that he's willing to cope and adapt, and that he's not going anywhere. He tells me all the time that it's fine if I want to change and that he's not going anywhere because of it. Yet...he does that. And that's not the first time. Saying I looked better with long hair, looking at my liscence with my long hair and saying that picture is better, saying he misses my old clothes, etc. I've become self concious around him and wear my boxers to bed, and he's even caught me wearing my compression shirts to bed. Love him to pieces, but I'm not sure what to do.

-Warren

Warren, I think it's great that you had a sit down and talk with your BF. I'm afraid there is no other way if you and he hope to grow in your relationship. And from your experience with a trial separation it seems that you both do want to stay together. So keep talking!

I know what you mean about being self-conscious. I think that comes from the doubts we have about our partners true acceptance. In a perfect world we'd be so self confident that it wouldn't matter what he thinks or says, but that's not the world we live in. You are already displaying a lot of courage to be yourself and now, understandably, you're looking for support.

Perhaps in one of your talks with him, ask him more about what's going on for him. What support and affirmation does he need? Maybe by supporting him some of his urges to comment on your longer hair or old clothes will diminish. I hope so for your sake.

Be well,

Emma