Hey Warren,

Good to hear from you, and no apologies needed man. Just glad you're back here with friends.

But I am sorry to hear about your troubles. This may not help but I hope you can accept that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. This road your taking is scary. There are no guarantees. But, my sense is that you know it's the right road for you. Still it's hard to trust your instincts. So, you need to allow some time to slowly experience things, discuss with your therapist, and gradually make changes. Which is frustrating I know, because shoot, we just want to be happy.

About regret: I saw an article recently in Huffington Post by Brynn Tannehill, that discusses this. Yes, there is a small percentage that regrets their transition, maybe 2%. That's about normal for any surgery. And leaves 98% that are happy they did it. Below is the link to the article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brynn-tannehill/myths-about-transition-regrets_b_6160626.html

I was advised by a transwoman that we need to realize that after the surgery and hormones we are largely still what we were in our heads. The body is closer to match our gender and that brings a lot of peace.

I think you're on the right track my friend. Keep talking, work with your therapist, and ask your BF for some TLC. You've earned it.

Go ahead and give the world your middle finger, but go see Joan on Tuesday. It's a pain in the ass at times and we wish we didn't have to but she's there for you.

Best wishes, Warren,

Emma

After I came out to my brother, he said it suddenly became clear to him where my anger comes from. It's not that I walk around angry all the time...but when something triggers it, I guess it's either pretty bad, or at the very least, pretty obvious. And it seems only since I've gotten older, that I have a little more patience for some things.

I've heard of others indicate that they were angry all the time prior to transition or publicly/generally coming out. So it's highly likely that it is indeed the conflict between physical sex and gender identity, or the lack of recognition and acceptance (by those you've come out to), or the inability to live as your true self, or any combination of these things, that pave the way for your anger.

I agree with Emma.. you definitely need to continue seeing your therapist. And flipping the bird at the world helps. Just make sure you don't flip it at someone who's liable to be angrier than you...and decides to try and seperate you from your finger...

-Michael

About anger, man, I agree. I have been wound so tight all these years, trying to be what I'm "supposed" to be, lashing out, defensive, emotional. I've come out to my wife pretty fully in the last few weeks and despite the troubles we're having I have noticed that I've never been more calm. It's like pressure has been let out.

Warren, how much have you and your BF talked? I imagine that feels scary and risky, but might that help?

Emma

We've talked....enough, I guess. It sort of seems like its not a subject he wants to discuss too much. He says hes open to the conversation and I know he tries really hard to understand and listen, but you can tell from the look on his face that the whole time hes hoping I'll just stop.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Let's face it, your being transgender is probably hard for both of you to talk about. But he fell in love with all of you, and maybe he didn't know it, but Warren was always inside. So now Warren is coming outside too and that may be hard to understand. But you deserve love, acceptance, and respect. And all relationships need open communication to flourish.

I remember you both have different work schedules, and you both work hard and are tired. Maybe you guys can set up a time to get together when you're both rested and talk? Go for a walk outside if it's not too cold. It helps to be doing something other than just staring at each other! If it's too cold, go for a drive somewhere. Or go to a coffee shop.

Don't force the communication but let him know this is very important for you, that you love him and want to be sure he knows what is going on for you.

Hope that helps, even a little,

Emma