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Chaos has Swallowed me whole


Ah, it's me again, you're good ol' pal Warren ^_^ I apologize for not having blogged lately, but I had no inspiration to want to nor the time and ambition. I miss blogging, to be honest. But I didnt feel like I had anything to talk about.

Tonight I figured I'd share what I'd been up to.

Well, first of all, my court date for my name change is this Monday the 16th. YAY! So excited :P

I bought myself a nice shirt, pants, and A TIE!!! I've never worn one but I'm super excited! I'll post a picture of myself in my court gear on Monday or Tuesday, and let you know how the name change thing went. Hopefully good, wish me luck!

On a side note, I've decided to go to higher HIGHER management about some problems at work.

Even coworkers have told me that it isnt just my managers being d***s, but theyve turned it into discrimination against me for being transgendered. NONE of this started until I came out.

I took the liberty of writting down what's been going on, so I can explain it to the company H.R.

Here's what I got so far:

[[[[[[[started only two days after announcing a name change and being transgendered.

1 week later, I were accused of "consistantly disappearing" during my shift, which I never did. I simply were not at my station as I were getting things ready for the next day. I were refused the opportunity to speak during the meeting with T___ and Chef H___ while they confronted me about it.

While in the office looking for a paper, T__ came to me aggressively and said "I dont like your attitude. You have a serious attitude problem and it's really starting to wear on me and I'm sick of it. Any time you get an answer you dont like, you cope an attitude."

Both T__ and H__ refuse to call me by my chosen name of Warren, and make a point to tell me that they do not have to unless it is legalized, which I am in the process of doing, and they are aware of that fact.

T__ goes around the kitchen saying that I'm being a b**** or that I'm alway a b****, even though I had not even spoken or seen him yet, as I had not even clocked in for my shift yet.

He consistantly tells everyone that I have a serious attitude problem.

I were told personally by H__ that I need to tell T__, not my shift supervisor, when I go on break. Or it will be like "consistantly disappearing, and we wouldnt want to have to talk to you about that again"

T__ came to me towards cleaning time and got very close to me in an aggressive manner and shouted "I'm so sick of this bull**** with you! Everyone can do their f***ing jobs except for you, and I'm tired of it! Take the f***ing soup and take care of it instead of leaving it for others to do!"

I might note, by the way, that it were normal routine for me to take the soups to the other chefs to dispose of, as was what I were taught and such had not changed with my knowledge.

My boyfriend were confronted by H__ and told "you can only say a quick goodbye to Kristy then leave, because you're taking up too much of her time and she needs to be working, not socializing"

I got lectured for having my hat on backwards, whilest two other people did the same and did not get talked to about it. T___ made a point to follow me around the facility and wait until we were alone in a storage room before telling me I needed to fix my hat.

T___ followed behind me on the front line while carrying hot foods, and repeativly said "hurry up, hurry up, lets go go go go go" while clapping his hands directly behind me.

I feel like I'm being ganged up on, and it's turning into discrimination and just plain obnoxious.

I have told my general manager about it who insisted he would talk to T___, and I'm not sure if he has or not, but nothing has improved.

Nothing else has happened in the past few days, but it's only a matter of time.]]]]]]

Honestly, I'm beyond sick of it. Not only that, but my older sister has officially decided that I am a bad influence for her children and too confusing for them, and has denied me any visitation with them, including cards and phonecalls.

My mother, insisting that she's supportive when she indeed is not, does nothing to defend me on the situation and simply tells me "its her choice. You're making your choices, she is making hers"

I'm sorry, but what choices am I making? I was not aware this condition were voluntary. I suppose being straight is a choice as well? She didnt like that question.

The good news, is all my friends are supportive 100%. My grandfather is supportive, my coworkers (for the most part lol) and others that I know. My cousin Jacky is SUPER supportive!! My boyfriend and I have come to an agreement, and we both sat down to discuss my transition and things that he's not comfortable with.

We agreed that bottom surgery is probably never going to happen, which is fine. He asked that I reconsider hormones, and I told him that after my top surgery, we will discuss it further.

He didnt say anything about it, but I've decided to keep shaving my legs too :P He's doing a lot to accept who I am, I'm not gonna make him snuggle up to a fuzzy legged gorilla! XD

All in all, same s*** different day.

That's my usual motto at work. How you doing? Oh you know, same s***, different day. At least its warming up outside!

Heatwave of a whole whopping 48F today, yay! Now.....mudseason....ugh.

Your frustrated but excited and relieved friend,

Warren

8 Comments


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UsernameOptional

Posted

Well... it has been my experience that when these "claims" and accusations of inadequacy, ineptitude and attitude start coming out of the woodwork - suddenly, without warning, viciously and especially by more than one superior... they are trying to stack a case against an employee in an attempt to have good reason to fire the employee.

Now...maybe this isn't the case. Maybe they are just "acting out," incapable of processing your gender identity. *Bullying you because they can...initiating confrontations when no one else is around, and later can relate the encounter they way they want to. But it sure smacks of the kind of thing I've seen, and have had happen to me personally. Luckily and ironically, an incident occurred that gave me the upper hand, and threw them off their game and began a scramble on their parts to cover their @$$es, leaving me alone... and I kept my job.

*Sounds like bullying to me anytime you are not allowed to speak at any point during a meeting in which your performance is being addressed.

  • Like 3
WarrenG

Posted

Well... it has been my experience that when these "claims" and accusations of inadequacy, ineptitude and attitude start coming out of the woodwork - suddenly, without warning, viciously and especially by more than one superior... they are trying to stack a case against an employee in an attempt to have good reason to fire the employee

My thoughts exactly. Theyre trying to convince the higher beings that I'm coping attitude and such so they can fire me.

  • Like 2
Emma

Posted

Hey Ren,

It's good to see you back here, man. We've missed you and hoped you're well. Sorry to hear about the BS at work. At least you will have your name change very soon which will remove one of their stupid arguments. But like michael said, I also wonder if they are making a case against you. Good for you to document their actions and words. That is very important to do. More notes is better, so write it all down every day...

And I'm happy how you and your BF are working on this together. You're being very considerate of him too, which I'm sure he appreciates. We need to be gentle and patient with our SO's!

Hugs,

Emma

P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!

  • Like 3
UsernameOptional

Posted

"P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!" --Emma

Work on it well advance of the day you need it. When you get the knot and the length just right... loosen it, slip it over your head, then drape it over a hanger and hang it up. Then, the day you need it, just slip it back over your head, and snug the knot.

That works until you get good at it... or you find a woman (or man) who can tie your tie for ya... :lol:

  • Like 3
WarrenG

Posted

XD i cheated and bought a tie that zips tight or loose LOL get it? ZIP TIE HAHAHAHA. I'm easily amused....

  • Like 3
Emma

Posted

Hahahaha!! A zip tie? Never heard of such a thing. Really, learning to tie a tie is a rite of passage. We need to get you a real tie!

But I'll tell you what: I hate 'em. They seem like such a silly accoutrement to men's wear. I mean, what do they do but add a little design and cover shirt buttons! :-)

And, from now on, you have to worry about the neck size on your shirts. There's (almost) nothing worse than choking after buttoning the top button. :)

  • Like 2
Emma

Posted

Good for you to document their actions and words. That is very important to do. More notes is better, so write it all down every day...

I hope you don't mind my adding to this. The reason I suggested writing everything down is to make sure you don't have to rely on memory. We all have trouble at times remembering details. I am not thinking that you will directly share your notes with anyone other than, perhaps, your BF.

Before you meet with management, I suggest that you:

1. Re-read your notes so they are fresh in your mind.

2. Summarize the incidents. For example, group them into different "types" or by different individuals. Like, "On 3 occasions, T__ did ____, and at least twice, Chef H said ____." This is the way management likes to hear things: in quick summaries. Then, if needed, they can ask for more details.

3. Create the details from your notes. Again, short and sweet. Just the facts!

By doing the above you will demonstrate to management that you are professional and perhaps more importantly, fully prepared if legal action is ever needed.

Good luck,

Emma

  • Like 3
UsernameOptional

Posted

Yup.. keep notes. Every day. Do it as soon as you get home from work. Or if you need to, make your notes as soon as you get in your vehicle before heading for home. I worked with a guy who kept a journal in his locker, and he wrote in that journal every afternoon when we were all in wrapping up the day.

Emma is right in that we all have trouble recalling details. I kept daily notes for a few months once b/c I was sure that given the chance, my boss was going to claim I had not done the work assigned me. Thankfully I never needed those notes. But despite believing I remembered events, when I would go back in my notes to review or reference something, I would be surprised at how much I actually forgot so quickly.

-Michael

P.S. :lol: @ the "zip tie"

  • Like 4
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