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Seems to me Karen deserves the money back - ALL the money back, 'cause she did all the work the way I see it. I should try to sue the woman for the injury to my jaw when it hit my desk after I read the part about her wanting another $300 AFTER Karen had to fill out all that paperwork! But maybe I just dunno much about lawyers and how they work. Good job, Karen... WTG! -Michael

Good luck. If you are willing to share it, I would like to hear how she took it (no pressure, though, and it's fine if you don't want to). I'd also be curious if her attitude changed any. -Michael P.S. I still think it's her job to get you to a point where you can even begin to tackle some of these things. But I'm proud of you for having come up with the list that you did.

Hi Lisa, It takes courage to be transgender. My therapist and my wife have both told me that they see how much courage it's taken me to get as far as I have, although I don't see it as that much. To me, you're remarkably courageous coming out to your sister. She deserves kudos too for remaining calm and just listening. I'm sure she has a lot to process. I think it's tough to be a woman or a man and it's probably impossible to really determine the relative weight of either. I recently read that although people who have fully transitioned to their natural genders feel much more comfortable in their skin they still carry a secret about their surgery: whom to tell, when, etc. We all need to be courageous. Your post brings up something I've been thinking about. I often read how women (particularly teenagers and 20-30 year olds) develop their confidence in themselves. Okay, but I don't read that about men, whom I think are also tasked and challenged with that. I sure was (and am). Is it so much different? Perhaps as you wrote, a particularly feminine challenge is to appear "good" in any setting, with the right level of casual/formal attire, the total look including accessories, and the fit. I certainly agree it's easier for guys to accomplish this. Last, I also agree with your consideration of over-thinking things. I think we all do this especially when we're faced with such profound decisions and steps. (I wish I'd thought more before I proposed and got married the first time!) It's hard to trust our instincts. Consider how long your gut feelings have been there despite all the attempts to suppress/ignore them. Be well, Emma

When I say I feel like a girl, I don't always feel that I am female or that I am going to go crazy if I am not female. When I feel like a girl, it is a feeling I have that if I were transitioned fully, I would be content. And that deep down I feel female or the need to be female. I know that it is different for everyone at different points in time. For example, when I was much younger I definitely felt like there was something wrong all of the time. It is not like that as much, though lately I've been in crisis-mode most of the time.

Hi Karen, I'm sorry to hear this of course but also congratulate you for taking care of yourself. I'm like you in that I try to be (and am) considerate. I also get to appointments (and movies!) early, to make sure I'm not causing others to contend with my being late. And honestly, I also go early to avoid the stress. Anyway, I think you should ask her for a refund. We typically pay attorneys a retainer and it seems to me that a. She hasn't likely already submitted your application, so that's $111 she owes you, and b. given what you describe, it seems unlikely she could have possibly used up the entire retainer. If she gives you grief over it, it's up to you what to do. At the very least she'll know that she let you down and you won't be sending any further business to her. Good to be back on track, right? Emma

Dear Warren, I think that is a perfect note and plan. Good for you! Can't wait to hear how it goes. That said, I know (and you know too, don't you) that nothing goes "perfectly" (whatever that means). Regardless, you are expressing yourself truly and well. And that, my friend, is the right thing to do. Sincerely, Emma