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Hmmm ,you're certainly going through the mind mill ! Why should anything change just because you now look like a woman? So when you meet someone you really like a lot, go with it, and I certainly wouldn't dwell on your sexuality too much. I too have wondered about my sexuality, and I have to say I don't think that I could do it with a bloke, perhaps a pre-op trans, definately with a post op and best of all a woman, lucky for me I'm married to one. I guess I'm what we in the UK term as Trans Lesbian, whatever it's just a term and I don't care what others might term my sexuality, I'm just me. Hope this helps? Cheers, Eve

Crissie, First, welcome to TGGuide! I'm not sure if I saw your New Member entry (I need to look there more often). I also started blogging almost immediately here, and it's been very helpful both in terms of getting my thoughts out and getting feedback - there are a lot of very caring people here! As far as your background, I feel very much the same in that I don't have specific memories of feeling like I was in the wrong body as a child, but I also don't have a lot of strong memories about any feelings from that time. There are definitely people out there with Gender Dysphoria who don't have childhood memories (it's been referred to as "Indirect Gender Dysphoria" on a couple of sites I've seen). In any case, I don't think that you're crazy for having these thoughts :-) You just need to keep exploring, take some more steps and see how it feels. After all, if you're a "wannabee" then that could be because you want to be! Please keep sharing! xoxo Christie

Emma, Thank you so much for that feedback, it's very helpful! It's interesting how just shifting from thinking in terms of gay or straight to simply recognizing that my interest is in men changes how I think about things. And you're absolutely right, there are certainly gay men out there who would be "right", I just need to get out more and stop generalizing. I think one mental roadblock is that when I think about gay men who would accept me as a woman I think "straight acting," which doesn't have a great history (and I don't like it as far as it reflects on someone being closeted). But that's not everyone. My present course might eventually open me up for new possibilities - the more I present myself as a woman the more likely I am to meet a person who likes that :-) You have a nice Monday too! xoxo Christie

Hi Christie, Don't worry, you didn't say anything wrong at all. I get your point exactly. That said, I'm not sure I have much to offer. Well, maybe there is something. For me, my sexual orientation is to women. Being a male (hiding my gender concerns) of course only straight women would be interested in me and that's fine. But way back when I went to some lesbian bars when I was out with friends who were lesbians, and also used to go to one that was in my neighborhood in San Francisco. There were women there that I was attracted to, and others that I was not. I think that's like everyone. So maybe when you were considering gay men as date material you didn't get to know enough of them to find one you were attracted to. Have a nice Monday! Emma

Hi Christie, I really hope things turn out well for you, a good dress sense is invaluable for workplace acceptance, I went for the classic business woman look such as protrayed in 1960's films, perhaps I could have played alongside C Grant etc..............LoL :-). Anyway it works really well. Yes, one step at a time is a good way to continue your journey, after a while you'll likely see your destination................. Cheers, Eve

Dear Christie, In my opinion, you are a heterosexual woman, and should be with either a cisgender or transman heterosexual man. Easier said than done. Just because you are a woman with a penis does not make you a Gaymale. May I suggest you take your time and find an understanding heterosexual man or transman. Feel an excellent resource is http://www.TGPersonals.com In your ad, mention that you are pre-op but identify as a heterosexual female. Read the other ads to get an idea what you want to put in or not put in your ad. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

I am indeed going through the mind mill! It's something I do way too often :-) I agree with you as far as the present goes - I think perhaps for me the bigger question (which possibly can't be answered, but I was hoping it could) is whether the entire idea of being gay was something my teenage mind came up with in response to the feeling of being trans.

Emma, I know the feeling about shopping in the stores, I did at some point make it a personal challenge though and now it feels perfectly natural! The first few times I just bought, but then I started trying things on too. I love Kohl's, and started suspecting that their employees might be trained to not comment on what people are buying (which would be an excellent business practice). I'm probably going to pause at this point for a little bit - I need to let my post-taxes finances settle down a bit before I start spending again - and I work at a school which is about to enter final exams and summer break, so my wardrobe will go more casual anyway, which means I can incorporate some clothes that I already have and then get my "business wardrobe" together over the summer. xoxo Christie

Hi Christie, I really like on-line shopping at Amazon, especially with Amazon Prime. They ship for free to a local 7-11 store so I don't have to worry or be at home when the package arrives, and returns are super easy to do, also with free shipping. I know what you mean about the sizes. Last week I ordered a skirt from REI, and after very seriously studying the size guide, I selected XL. Well, it arrived and it was way too big! It's a tent! So then, I ordered three skirts from Amazon, two of them L and one L/XL. The two L's were still too big, but the L/XL fits perfectly, so that's the one I'm keeping of course. I'm s chicken when it comes to going into the stores to shop, so I bought a belt for the big REI skirt. I think and hope it will look okay with that. Take care, Emma

Things that come to mind (and there are surely more) when announcing oneself to others is. Stereotypes learned from television, simply the fear of the unknown, they don't watch television and make something up in their own mind, religion, if God made you a male you have no right to change this. Religion played into my transition on at least three people in my case but all three came around in the end. They had the decency to meet with me and ask questions. The woman I wrote about never did but now she is a chatterbox in recent days.

Lisa, You really need to take your time introducing your wife to your being Trans, as the saying goes softly softly catchee monkey.......... None the less, I wish you good luck, and can tell you that you're in for an amazing journey........ Hugs, Eve

Don't get me started! It happens all the time >:|

I would like her to see me too. Part of it is we are so busy and we rarely get more than a couple of mins together alone because of the kids.

Dear Lisa, I can't imagine your wife not seeing you dressed after two years, and having started transition no less. I agree that surprising her would likely backfire. I just hope you two can talk about it and set up a place and time for her to get to know the new you. I think that is a higher priority to discuss with your therapist than coming out to your children and pastor, but that's only my opinion and obviously don't walk in your shoes. Emma

Good luck with the skirt :)

Hi Kaylee, Such a nice note, thank you. And, I really did laugh out loud reading your light bulb joke. I'm definitely going to remember that one! You put into words a vague feeling I had about what was behind her words. I was also wondering if I was being tested to see if I was worthy of joining the club. I've heard that she may not come again to the meetings but the earliest will be August. Actually, I am also thinking of wearing a skirt at the next meeting! I ordered one that should arrive tomorrow. I'm confident the therapist would allow me to come a few minutes early to put it on. I'm feeling excited by that, like stepping a little further into the pool. Thanks again, Emma

Hi Emma, It sounds like your sister at the meeting has some of the same qualities I see in others of her generation. Specifically, the idea that because it was hard for them then it should be hard for you. I should expect she had to spend a lot of her life being someone else, pretending. Finally, when she knew who she was, she probably had to spend a very long time explaining it. Justifying it. She may even feel like being transgender is almost a 'club', for which the price of admission is soul-searching, justification and suffering. Anyone who has not done those things is not really transgender and needs to shape up or find somewhere else to sling their hook. Naturally she's mistaken, and whilst I can only sympathise with her for whatever hardships have given her a flint-like edge you are well within your rights to feel hurt. She hurt you and must take responsibility for that. There is no admission cost, there is no minimum level of suffering or pain one must go through. Being transsexual is as much a part of us as the sheen on our eyes or the subdermal scattering of our skin. There's an old joke that goes something like this: Q: "How many transsexuals does it take to change a light bulb?" A: "One. But only after they have first lived in the dark for at least two years and have the agreement of two psychiatrists that the bulb is, indeed, blown." The lengths we have to go to 'prove' who we are can have bad effects on people. They must take responsibility for inflicting that down on to others. You don't have to prove anything, however. There is no timescale, no measure and no schedule except your own. I'm sure the shirt and ballet shoes looked very nice and suited you well. Personally I found the first time I wore a long skirt to be almost like breathing freedom. Kaylee.

Here's another good one: Transgender Basics - Gender Identity Project (GIP)