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Thank you both for your comments :-) When I use "cross-dressing" now I'm only referring to the time when I was dressing as a woman before "coming out" as TG. It is true of course that I was TG even before coming out, so it really wasn't cross-dressing even then, but it's an easy way to distinguish those time periods and the mental state that I was in during both (feeling like a man dressing as a woman vs just being dressed). I am getting more and more stressed that I still at times have to dress male - my current wardrobe isn't sufficient yet to go all female, and money is a little tight (though now that taxes are done I'll start having some room, and I'm getting a better idea of things that I need sooner). I haven't started hormones yet. I start with a new gender therapist today, so I am going to raise that, to at least start discussing it. Then I assume I'll need to see my regular doctor to talk about it with him as well (I've been going to him for a long time now, so I'm comfortable with how he'll be about this). One thing I can't seem to find anywhere is exactly how hormones are taken? Do you have to keep using them periodically for some amount of time? (I assume yes, I just don't know how often and for how long) Jewelry is my "project" for this weekend. I have some that I've assembled specifically for doing drag, but I'm going to look through it all to see what I can incorporate now. XOXO Christie

Go for it Christie, be yourself! By now you'll realise that I also despised dressing up as a male! Hugs, Eve

Eve, Please do not get "L plates" on your cars, as my partner and I, as well as other Lesbians, have had their cars vandalized over it. Glad to see that you enjoyed your vacation! Monica

That all sounds so wonderful! Both the travel and the response you got!

Hi Christie, So glad you are writing this, it very much reminds me of my own recent experiences, even though they are relatively recent, they now seem far off. I also had feelings of being male the female just like the tide ebbing and flooding, but the male feelings (which also gave uncertainty) started to get fewer and further between. Are you on hormones and anti-androgens yet? I found that after 2 years of oestrogen it was a slow and gradual process of riding myself of the alternating male and female feelings, after starting anti-androgens the process has quickened quite markedly and I no longer have any male feelings, and I feel totally normal as Eve, I also like the way my female identity has grown with my preferring to express myself as a female professional with an smart office look rather than the overtly girlish leather minis, and boots that I started out with 3 years ago. Good luck with your shopping, but remember the little signifiers such as jewllery, they make such a difference. Pearls never seem to go out of fashion and give such an up-market look ,when worn with classy clothes, and a nice perfume such as Giorgio (the yellow one!). Cheers and hugs, Eve

Aw you poor, poor thing! I'm very happy that your wife was there to give you the cuddle you needed at the end. Someone just to hold you so it doesn't feel like your about to cry your own soul out. I empathise totally and I'm really glad someone was there for you : ) : )

You need to take the time and financial resources required to get through this. And that is how you can explain it to your wife. This process is difficult for everyone. Many times our loved ones feel like we are being selfish because we are dragging them through this. Also, if your spouse has never had to support herself or family or has tremendous fear of change, there is a lot of anxiety and anger, because the peaceful life is being disrupted. In my case, I've sacrificed my life for others my entire life and have slaved for my family so that they are well taken care of. So, being trans* is extremely upsetting because now I am the one with problems and am not the solid, strong person taking the lead. So it has been really difficult for me to even go to therapy, because I feel like I am taking money from the family. But I realized eventually that I need to be good to myself, otherwise I am good to no one. Particularly if I have a mental breakdown. How will I go to work?