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To all of you lovely people out there, have a Happy Christmas and an amazing New Year being your true self. Hugs Eve

Hi all, It's been a busy few weeks so I haven't had a chance to read or write here - I hope everyone is having a nice holiday season! My year is ending on a nice flourish. First, I went back to Social Security with my new doctor's note and they've now corrected my gender in their records - and the woman I dealt with was extremely nice - possibly because she knows that what happened last time was so wrong. She also referred to me as "ma'am" several times I got my new birth certificate the same day. Sent holiday cards to all my family and friends, including a note about my transition to anyone I hadn't told yet, I want to start 2016 with everyone knowing. I've already gotten a very nice note of support back from my cousin Betsy. My brother's card (no doubt written by his girlfriend, based on the handwriting), included "Ms." before my name on the envelope On a broader front - NYC recently reaffirmed a law it passed previously that compels instance companies to cover transitioning costs! There is no doubt some wiggle-room for them, but it's a positive developement, and one that could save me much money down the road. I wrote to our HR person to see if they have more information. Finally, as the end of the year approaches I thought it would be good to reach out to people who have been especially supportive and encouraging over the year in my transition - so far that includes my therapist (yes it's technically her job, but she's been especially good at it), and Pattaya - the drag queen I regularly see and who let's me perform now and then - I have no doubt that performing helped move me along quicker than i might have, presenting as a woman in front of a bunch of people in a "safe" space. The pic below is me with Pattaya on Tuesday night - I performed Debbie Gibson's "sleigh ride" And thank you to everyone here this is a great community, providing lots of love and support and great practical inormation! Finally, for anyone out there going through hard times and feeling alone - please know that nothing is permanent. As I wrote above about the positive things in my life I was fully aware of the bad that had come before, and I know it will come again, that's just reality, for everyone. I wish I had a nice quote to close this off with, but I'm a prose writer not a poet Just know that no matter what, this is your one and only life, even if you can't pull off optimism right now you can again sometime! Love, Christie

This week I had to work, but I was able to reflect a bit on what was a difficult last three years or so. It's seems as though just in the last three weeks as I have stabilized, I have been able to focus, be more task-oriented, yet be able to look forward, plan and conceptualize what my future might look like or what may be possible. It is always difficult to say what will happen. Yet I won't let that deter me from making sound plans for myself that are achievable. I have a few focus areas for next year: my family and friends ... work continuously to strengthen many of the life-long relationships that I've had with my friends and strengthen ties with family. Seek out allies. People who I think will support me as I transition. Make new friends and network. Spend more time with not only trans* folks but cigender folks as well so that I can start to socialize in my new role. Come up with a more solid transition plan. But at the same time, not rush into anything or put undue pressure on myself to meet a deadline. The holidays can be painful for many people. I am thankful that I was able to spend this time with my family. I've lost many people I have loved over the last couple years. And otherwise things were extremely difficult for me for several other reasons. But I am thankful. We all are happy, healthy. We have a wonderful life and home together. I am getting what I need to transition and take care of myself. And most importantly, I have the loving support of my family. Life is a struggle. Eventually, we all lose this struggle. It's what we do during the struggle, which defines who we are. And as bad as things can be, we need to look for the little things to enjoy in life. For me it is my children, the outdoors and riding my bike. And focus on the positives and what is good in a given situation. And invest in the relationships we do have. And create new lasting friendships. It costs nothing to be kind and loving to others. Don't harbor anger. Forgive and love others. Even when they seem beyond loving. It's all tough stuff. And transition is tough stuff. If anyone is struggling, please feel free to send me a message. I am here for anyone who needs it. I can be a friend if you need a friend or someone to talk to. Just let me know. I hope that everyone is having a good Christmas and has a wonderful New Year in 2016. I think that it will be a good one! (I hope ... LOL!) Love and Blessings, --Lisa

Dear friends, I'm blessed to be a part of our community here - I think of you often. I wish you, your families, and your friends, all a wonderful holiday season. Let's all pray for peace on earth and good will to all. Love, Emma

Well 2015 is coming to a close, have squeezed a lot into this year in regards to surgeries, lots of paperwork and a brand new car and very satisfied with the results. Four years ago this was entirely a dream, seemingly out of reach because I could not give up what I had in regards to teaching self-defense but then realized that I had crammed many years into teaching and as much as I enjoyed teaching I could finally kiss it goodbye to make myself happy overall. My guess is that many wrestle with similar aspects when they are certain that transitioning is right for them and hope that those riding the line, struggling with making the decision to move forward do so and don't procrastinate but instead stall progress if they feel as I did, unsure what the future might be. For many uncertainty is "will I still have a job", "acceptance from family and friends", "emotional battles from waiting" etc. I know my surgery was right from many telling me I look content, smile (was told I rarely smiled) often, love female privilege, learning to leave male privilege behind as if I never had them. I do struggle with silly things like being able to play guitar with decent length nails, changing pads often when wearing a thong (took a long time to master the back end of the pad), what clothes should I wear today (and rummage through through clothes on the floor often rather than the closet), did I wear that outfit already this week? My taste in movies has change, last night I watched "the age of Adaline" which I would had never watched two years ago but now would even consider purchasing it. I watched it for a dollar so even if I didn't like it no big deal. I experience life completely different emotionally both good and bad. There are day that all I want to do is stay in bed and most times have no clue why while 99 percent of the time I am very happy. Still more attracted to females than males and there has been several times in the past few months I was putty to both genders. I am fully embracing life both good and bad and excited for what comes next.

Had another good week. I feel like a survivor but I want to be more than that. This week I closed out a project that I had led for almost 2.5 years. It was extremely difficult and often went from one crisis to the next. Unfortunately, several of us paid a price personally because of this project. We either suffered due to the personalities that we were subject to or had to make extreme personal sacrifices in order to be successful. Several of us had mental breakdowns because it would be too much at times. So, I couldn't help but sit back in my chair today at work and reflect on not only what was accomplished, but also what happened, what I learned from the experience and how I grew as a person. There is no doubt, I am more patient and mature. No doubt. I know how to better deal with others who go beyond difficult to hostile. And what I learned is to be kind, loving and gracious. Kill them with kindness. That was basically what I did. Also, to not be the smartest person in the room, but the kindest. I had several people tell me things like, "you are too nice" or "you are way too kind". "You need to be tougher, more aggressive." And the question I would ask is, "How? How is someone more aggressive and tougher? At what point does one cross the line? And what constitutes toughness, exactly? What does being "tough" really mean?". With love and kindness, there is no line to be crossed. No way a person can run afoul of authority being excessively kind. I can express an unending and unconditional love to all ... and not get in trouble. And there is nothing anyone can do about, other than fire me...for being kind and loving. Yeah. I guess it's possible. But why would anyone do that? I also learned how to be better prepared and prepare for success, not failure. To always look ahead. Look for opportunities in the most challenging and dire situations and environments. Listen to what people have to say, respond and act. Take control of a situation when no one is leading. If it is your meeting, run the meeting. If someone is leading, respect their leadership and defer to them. And most of all, be the best you can be in any situation and task. That way at the end of the day, week, month, year or life there is no reason to look back with regret. Anyways, those are my two cents at the moment. Just decompressing after the week, a little tired, sick .. but already planning for a successful 2016. On the personal side, I will have some time off. Will look to continue to improve physically and give myself a break mentally. I have almost lost 50 pounds. I plan on losing about another 7 pounds but stay at that weight for the next few years and let HRT do some of the work for me. As of today, I have been on HRT for 8 months. I look like a totally different person. It's amazing how much I have changed in such a short period of time. If I happen to not post anything else for the remainder of the year, happy holidays to everyone and a happy new year! I will try to post a couple of updates over the next two weeks, but may not because I'll be focused on being with my family. Take care, love to all and God Bless everyone!! Love, Lisa

I had a good week last week and this one is turning out to be just as good. First, I finally feel stabilized on my meds over a week ago. This past weekend I met up will a large group of ladies for a Christmas party at the Marriott. That was nice. I posted one of my pictures. My job is going well. I am feeling good and in good shape. Everything seems to be better. I am mentally strong again. I hope that all is well with everyone. Happy Holidays, --Lisa

It has been awhile since I last posted. I ended up having more issues with anxiety and depression in Oct and Nov. Though, I feel like I am finally coming out of it. Work was really stressful the last couple of months, which did not make things any better. My productivity over the last month has been great and everyone is pleased, but the environment I work in is difficult at best. On a positive note, I posted some updated photos of me. I've lost a considerable amount of weight and am filling in nicely. I lost 45 lbs over the last 5 months and am down to 160 lbs, which is what I used to weigh 2+ years ago. I basically stopped drinking alcohol and cut back a bit on consumption. Also, no sweets and junk food. I also have been getting to bed early (around 8 or 9pm) and getting plenty of sleep. I feel so much better. I have sleep apnea and I am sleeping better because I lost the weight. The best part is that those pictures are all me. No shapewear and padding, except for a padded bra. Up until about 3 or 4 weeks ago, my wife hated seeing me dressed. Didn't want to be around it etc. But now, I am presenting much better and she thinks I look great and is happy for me. She wants to buy me female stuff and shop for me. In some ways, it bothers me. Transwomen feel an intense pressure to meet some sort of standard that society puts on us. Gender is viewed as binary. And hate feeling like I have to look a certain way to fit in. But unfortunately, that is the reality of our lives. Women are judged by how they look, particularly by other women. But I am glad that my wife now feels better about this. She and I are still not intimate, have not been for a couple of years nor do I expect her to be. But after her struggling with this new version of me for three years, it is good to see she is more positive about this. Looking ahead, I will be speaking to my children soon. As well as work. I know exactly what I will say. I hope that everyone has had a good week. Love, --Lisa