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Hey Jay, Yeah man, I love riding my bicycle too. No rain today in Northern California and I'm soon to be found out and about for a couple of hours challenging myself through the foothills. It doesn't get much better than that! Have a great day, Emma

HI Jay, It doesn't sound to me like you've lost your muse as much as you've gotten stuck in getting started, into the flow of writing. It's hard to fill up that blank screen. I found what often works for me is to turn away from the computer and use paper and pen. That was surprising for me because it's much slower. But, it's like my psyche knows it's okay if I make a mistake. I just cross it out and keep writing. And soon, the flow just begins and I can choose to stay on the paper or return to the computer. Give that a try! Emma

Well my partner writes, she talks with other writers she met on courses and gatherings etc., they help one another are you in such a group? Can put you in touch with my partner if you like? Oh I 'd just add that some of them are from different countries even, let alone scattered around the UK. Hugs, Eve

Dear Lisa, In your photos and writing I see and hear a sweet woman, who is considerate and kind, patient and yet steadfast. Thank you for this, your most recent post. All aspects of being TG and letting others know is hard. Harder than it should be, I think. After all we are the same people at our core that we were. So if they loved us before and now learn how deeply we need to express this side of ourselves, why oh why is it such a trauma for them? I suppose part is a worry that we will hurt ourselves either physically or in spirit. And, of course, there is a concern about how our gender will affect others feelings. Sounds to me like you're handling it very well. You're a beautiful example for all of us. Hugs, Emma

Dear Ren, You have every right and reason to be frustrated, angry, and impatient. And yeah, it sucks that your "friends" are so few and seems that their depth and consideration of you is shallow. It does get harder as adults to meet more friends - especially ones that we really connect with. I don't have many (outside of TGG ). Besides my wife, my therapist, we really have only two who thankfully are another couple that my wife also likes. We met serendipitously. I met him at a fiction writing class over ten years ago. Wasn't looking for friends, just interested in writing. (And having one heck of a time not focusing on things-transgender, but that's another story.) If I may, I think that finding friends is like finding lovers and partners. When we are on looking, on the prowl, it's rare that we find someone, or at least someone that really matters to us. Mostly it happens when it's the last thing on our minds. Like grocery shopping, or a book reading, or a Sierra Club event (not sure if you have such a thing where you are). So my advice is this: find something out of your home that intrigues you, even a little, and go do it. Just go see if you like it and the people. If you don't, that's cool, at least you know. And then go find another one until you find yourself enjoying the company of the others, irrespective of their gender, sex, or orientation. Who knows, you might find new friends and more. At the least you'll be outside not hanging out with FB friends, and connecting with others. But like Chrissy and Veronica said, we're always here for you too. Warm hugs, Emma

Hiya Jay. My Favourite Piece of Music, which You can find on You Tube. Search - Widor's Toccata Organ Thomas Heywood. Thomas Is Australia's only Full-Time Concert Organist. If You see the start of this, it may well Make You Smile ! I Love Classical, Rock, Heavy Metal, Pop, and A lot of other types of Music. Pipe-Organ Music, is a Big thing with Me. We have All got Our Taste's. We lost Two Brilliant Musician's Recently. Lemmy from Motorhead, and David Bowie. Guns 'N' Roses, is one of My Favourite Group's, also, The Waterboys, Pink Floyd, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Black Sabbath, The Beatles - Of Course, Rod Stewart, and Many More. Jay, Keep Smiling, Good Health, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

Thanks for the advice

Thank you so much ladies. I did visit with my mom and sister in Ohio after I wrote this and we talked for several hours. I think that they are much better. I think that everyone wants to be able to categorize or describe something in concrete ways, leaving no room for gray areas. My mom and sister are certainly not like that. However there are others who are. I cannot explain to them why I am like this, or how me being transgender came to be. There are a lot of theories and explanations out there. But no one really knows, why I am like this. And no one knows better than I, who I am. That is a fact. This is who I am. It is a part of me the same way that a limb is on a body. Further, I am female, regardless of what people say, because again, that is who I am. And no one know better than I do who I am, what I need to live and survive.

Would be nice but I dont meet new people. I work, I sleep, I go on facebook (the land of fake) and go back to work.

Ren, Good luck with insurance and surgery! It really seems like even aside from dysphori you have medical issues with your breasts that they should cover. But it is insurance (mind only came around to covering transition costs because New York made them, it would be great of more states, or the federal government, would do the same). The problem with friends sounds complicated! At the risk of sounding new agey or Oprah-ish, I think the longer you live your more authentic life the more likely you are to start meeting new friends who will be more compatible with you. Not that it means giving up existing ones, just adding new - which might relieve some of the issues with the old ones. And of course you always have us to talk to Xoxo Chrissy

Weighed myself today, two pounds less then what I was last year at this time (one week before surgery).

For me it was Whitney Houston. To this day it hurts to think that she is gone. Even with her later music, when her voice wasn't what it had been, i couldn't listen to her without feeling something, and that is truly a gift.

Jay, I wonder why you wrote this. What was the context? Is someone suggesting that you see a therapist? Or, as you contemplate more steps along your journey you know that your medical establishment will insist on it for some sort of approval? Anyway, as you say, to each his own! If you don't feel the need, don't go, because unless you have a need driven by some inner concern or turmoil, what would you even talk about? But I will say that it's doubtful that they would ask "insensitive questions" should you go. In my experience (with so many over, my goodness, thirty years off and on) they typically just ask what is going on for me, and only ask questions for clarification. That said, I have found good ones and better ones. Some I connect to better than others. We are all people and there needs to be a chemistry of trust, respect (mutual), and faith that he/she has the wherewithal to help. Unfortunately that can take a while to determine, so it is an investment of time and money. I was also surprised to learn at least for me that therapy isn't like debugging a program or typo: identify the problem, determine the fix, and voila! All done and repaired. Nope, doesn't work that way. It's much more subtle and gradual. Maybe that is just my experience. I carried such a heavy load of shame and guilt over my TG feelings, and depression. The lifting of that load wasn't even obvious to me while it was happening. And then I started to wonder, is it happening? I'm feeling a little better, maybe this is a result? Indeed, after more time and sessions with my therapist, I can say that it has. Please know that I am most definitely not advising you to see one. I just wanted to share my experience in the hopes that, should you ever feel the need, this might help you. Hugs, Emma

Well Mr Jay, we share the problem of wrong organs...................and I've learned to take the rough with the smooth, some good in the report but some bad too...........aint that just typically life! Hugs, Eve

I don't know if this article will help you. I most certainly hope it provides some solace and maybe, inspiration.