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You look amazing!!! I love that shirt. I'm a huge fan of tunics. Sorry this is short in bed with iPad still sick

​Yes, I'm making gradual progress, thank goodness. A big part of my progress is thanks to my wife's acceptance. Together our marriage is also gaining strength which is delightful. As to your query, well, I don't really know. I'm hoping (and I'm sure my wife is too) that what I have now is satisfactory. I think it is. There are times when I wish quite seriously that I could go out and just be Emma all the time. But at those times I also consider that that wish is coming from a wish that I had been born female and since that's obviously not going to happen I'm not convinced that transition would solve as much as I would like while I am sure it would dramatically affect my life with my wife. So for now I'm taking it a day at a time. There is more for my wife and I to work out. She doesn't know that I have this other name for myself (Emma) and has not seen me dressed in more than my nightgown. Eventually I would love it if we can be comfortable together at home, regardless of my presentation. But that is a lot to ask and it cannot be rushed. She's come so far in the last year and we are both gradually adding confidence in ourselves and each other. And I do still have my bad days and I'm sure there will be more. Just not today and I'm grateful for that. Thank you for your thoughtful note. It helps me so much to have my friends here. Hugs, Emma

emma, it sounds like you are continually progressing in accepting yourself more and more fully as transgender... exploring and even questioning yourself and answering your questions in different ways over and over again is probably part of that process, and especially valuable with the support and validation of others. that's just what you and probably all of us need to help in that process. you seem to usually come away from your therapist with more appreciation of yourself as emma and of course all of us here cherish you that way. I wonder if part of your explorations also involves the uncertainty of to what extent you identify as a female and how far you need and want and can optimally go in that, which may be two or three or more different things.

bravo with your communicating so well, supporting each other, and balancing your needs, even through being sick, which is such a challenge in itself. it seems like the dust is settling from the initial discovery shock and awe, and that there is much more security about your relationship and that you know each other so well, despite the one big new area, which means much less fear of the unknown. it's also great, kittennikki, that you are seem more content and less depressed since you can be yourself and perhaps closer than ever to bree. besides the relief and letting go of some big fears and inhibitions, maybe also making you feel better is the thrill or adventure of your new toys, clothes, explorations, and incredible acceptance and attention from bree in the most extraordinary ways. anyway, there's nothing like knowing you're loved and accepted!

I think I'm getting better. Throat doesn't hurt other than teh coughing. Oh teh coughing. I seem to be starting the clearing out phase, which I swear is so often worse than the actual illness. I'm going to lie down and hope that Nikki is well enough to feed me, and hope that tomorrow I am well enough to feed him for the next week as he progresses. LUckily we are rarely both sick at the same time.

oh no, that means the rest of us don't have a chance. where's my hazmat suit. hope you both feel better soon and at least you're not alone.

emma, that's exactly the soft, quiet tone of patience, awareness, and caring that I've felt from you before, where you seem to have created a space within yourself and your life and your relationship with your wife that allows emma to be there, even if behind the scenes, without overreaching the limits of what's possible. i admire your wisdom in this, but also know that inside is that sadness for not having been born female, or at least anatomically female, and the loss of everything that might have been that way, and that even with all possible transition it would still never be the same as that. when you feel that sorrow is when you need extra kindness toward yourself and your femaleness and you're still who you are no matter how you're dressed or seen by others. i just realized something interesting and valuable that i have to think about more... while I'm mostly content and appreciative of my dual gender, occasionally i wish for being all female, but I've never wished for being all male. i have to ponder that more.

Thank you so much Blue! Hugs. Still sick and now he's showing signs too. Proof this is the actual plague and we should be quarantined clearly of it can get him.