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That felt a lot risky, but I need to articulate things as we go, both for myself to sort them out now, and the spouse that come after. My worldview has broken in very real ways, and I feel like I'm scrambling around trying to fix it. Seventeen years of having to alter my expectations because Nikki is SUCH a guy (not in the alpha male sports sorta stereotype, but in the emotional and communication ranges) and suddenly hey Bree, I think I"m actually a woman really skewed my sense of world understanding. And I'm only starting to realize this. Maybe I just don't understand why visual cues are important because I'm not brain-wired that way? I rejected all the visual cues pretty early on, they did nothing for me and I decided putting effort into them was not a valid use of my time because they did nothing for me. My brain is all about analysys, emotion, and intangible connections. What does the visual cues of femininity do you for you if I'm not being intrusive? My understanding was that it makes the inside match the outside as it were, but Nikki's inside is so confusing to me in terms of male or female and my understanding. So maybe learning something here from you can help!

I'm happy to provide anything I can, but can't now as I have to go to work! I'll write later for sure. I do empathize with your situation and feelings, Bree, I want you to know that.

Bree, I think this is a terrific post and brings up some great points. At the real risk of offending Nikki or maybe others, I believe that a focus on the superficial aspects of ones trans gender is an early stage of the exploration and consideration of what it all means for the individual, and I think that is perfectly natural. Your reaction is perfectly normal too. Like an Austrlian woman I know, she referred to her boobs as her "floppy bits" as if they have little importance to her. But for me, seeing women and conceiving myself as having the body of a woman, breasts, and curves, and hair, and yes, clothing, are all very important visual cues of femininity. Maybe it would help to consider transmen. At times they "pack" meaning that they wear a rubber phalus in their underwear so as to show (and feel, I imagine) a bulge down there in their pants. Okay, but for me, I don't even think of the darned thing. Like you, it came with the package and I don't even think about it. Good for you for writing your thoughts. I imagine that that felt a little risky. Hugs, Emma