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Figuring out oneself is hard, the human brain is probably the most complicated thing on earth physically and psychologically. It's nearly impossible to ever fully be sure if it's Maybelline or born with it, as it were. Sorry, have commercials stuck in my head today for some reason. At least it's not the fish heads song. But what is most important of all is coming to the greatest comfort with yourself that you possibly can, and I"m so happy to see you getting there! You have been an amazing friend, and I truly wish you all the joy and comfortableness life has to offfer! *Hugs*

I agree with Veronica in regards to both of you sharing, not many couples do this.

Well thanks for your comment Nikki, I didn't realise that you weren't on HRT. This throws my previous comment into a bit of doubt, when I started transitioning as a cross dresser or transvestite if you prefer, I went to a bar in Birmingham (UK) every 1st and 3rd Monday evening of a month, a group called "Outskirts" met there and it was a place where I built up courage, picked up tips etc from others, whom I made friends with. Not all of those friends went any further than cross dressing, which I know they still do, and they still dress ultra girly, and use lots of make up. I progressed through to HRT and living full time as female, it's HRT that changes the way you think and act. Point is that those early friends behaviour hasn't changed, so please take my previous comments about Bree's entry with a pinch of salt................sorry. I'm not advocating that you should change your mind regarding not taking HRT either, it's your life to do with as you wish, you only get one shot at it, shame there isn't a practice or dry run................ Cheers, Eve

I'm not entirely sure it's all option A, but more of a variation on that. There's a lot there where when I dress as a woman it's more me dressing and presenting in how I want to look like and how I'd like to represent myself as a woman, not necessarily what I think a woman should look like, but what I should look like as a woman. Yes there's a lot with the physicality of it all right now, but I think I also haven't been really able to explore that at all. I know I'm terrible at really communicating these thoughts of mine and I'm working on it. It's not something I've really had to do externally and I've never been very good at the whole sharing thing and that's all on me. I know you and I kind of touched on this in conversations outside of here and they weren't exactly the most enlightening either way, but I kind of had that little epiphany when I started writing a reply here. I guess I'm working on all of this in stages. Since you and I talked and decided that HRT and full on transition is out and I'm going to limit this to dressing and being with you in either mode and as I need it to help, I guess I kind of concentrated on the dressing end of things and ways to make me look more like a girl when I'm in girl mode. I do need to work on expressing myself better and opening up to you more, but I kind of jumped on the dressing and looking the part first. As you like to say, I tend to focus on fixing things rather than going over it all. I absolutely want to get more of my feelings and thoughts out and I think those moments we've had when we've gone out and the lunch date we're going to today are going to be a huge part of that. I have huge butterflies about all of this right now and I'm not backing out but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I have some trepidation about going out to lunch with you in girl mode. I do want to thank everyone for continuing to talk to me and Bree on this and share your experiences, thoughts and support. It means an awful lot to the both of us.

Hi Michele, You look lovely! I wish I could look so pretty. It's good to hear from you, on your progress, and your life. I'm sure that dealing with people who love you like family is harder. They really care and want the best for you. But only you know the direction of your North Star. It's your journey to take. It takes courage and strength and I can tell from your writing that you have it within you. Hugs, Emma

Many relationships where one is transgender or cross-dresser that person in many cases does become self-centered until the spouse calls them out on it which at this point focus needs change from self-centered to being there for each other.