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I wish you all the joys you are looking for, a smooth ride during the changes, and all the hugs i can offer!

Congrats, Brigsby. In your previous blog entry, you mentioned that you had wanted the inverted "T" method. I've been too lazy to google it and wondered, is there a benefit in getting the inverted "T," or does it have anything to do with cost (perhaps not as expensive), or what? I'm wondering if the inverted "T" method is why you don't have any drains - this is the first time I've heard of anyone having top surgery and not having to deal with drains. -Michael

I love you, and we'll get there. I swear you'll find your way back to happy Nikki, it just is going to take some time. *Hugs*

Wanting to regain the things you lost IS the first step. You used to love life so much, it was infectious to everyone around you. I would love to see that joy in you again and watch you laugh at our dog being stupid or the squirrel winning the backyard war.

I do think that's a big reason why it's hard to describe my feelings on things a lot of the times is there just haven't been any. I'm just kind of cruising through all of this and know I should feel it, but just do't and have been kind of on cruise control with no idea how to switch it off. I am glad you had that talk with me cause the more we talk the more I figure this out with you. I'm kind of awful at working things out in my head, especially since I don't really seem to be able to muddle through. I didn't know you were on them either. I'm sorry your parents were such slugs about getting you off the wrong and trying another one though. That had to be tough. Definitely going to talk to my doctor about it and see what she thinks as far as what to try. I guess wanting to feel again is a good step at least and better than just shrugging it off. I want to be the smiling Nikki that use to hang around you. *hugs*

Thanks for the kind words Veronica. I am hoping next weekend will be even better regarding the club with socializing and play time. Doubt very much I would move on from here as I enjoy like minded people and sharing so others possibly may learn from what I have gone through and continue in this life.

With surgery like this is bound to be some degree of discomfort but I always view this as "Pain is transitory" and well worth the time it takes to recover. In regards to legs, I found it difficult to keep my arms down for breast augmentation and would guess this is similar to what you have gone through. Hopefuly they prescribed decent pain relief meds for you. Best wishes on a speedy recovery!!!

Well after writing this seems I went a bit past replying to your reply, oh dear, I am such a girl ​Thanks for the gracious compliments Veronica. Something your reply made me think of is how I presented myself in the conversations, was not overbearing or too quite but instead blended into their conversations. In my old identity I could easily dominate a conversation but as time travels I have been adapting as you will to the more feminine ways. I am sliding into a place where men feel very comfortable around me which brings me back to the attractive thing, I truly become overwhelmed at the attention received like last night or at the Miata club or out with friends at a bar. When leaving last night I did feel overwhelmed, in a manner of speaking my breath was taken away driving home. What really is hard to accept is that one of the men (very handsome) eluded that he wanted to perhaps get to know me for possibly a LTR. Perhaps years ago that might had been a consideration but over the past three years or so I have gotten use to my freedom. This freedom is one price I paid to transition. Transitioning from what I have read goes smoother for a single person who does not get heavily involve in a relationship yet I am sure there are those who do just fine but I felt better being single. Looking back now, for me the physical transformation is not enough to then go out and be in public such as this club but instead one must spend real time 24-7 to get into the new identity. Good to hear you got the coy thing, it's something that did not happen overnight either but developed per-say naturally out of how our society is and what is expected socially of a female. Thinking back to last night and the president's wife, she said no certain terms nobody suspected me as once being male. I feel the true reason is that time and persistence play a huge part with this which includes things like taken care of myself to what I have learned from voice lessons.

​I met some very intelligent, fun people last night who are there for both socializing and sex rather than simply sex. Learned there are just under 200 people in this club and that some make up to a two hour drive several times a month to attend. There was one couple, male, female that I could tell wanted to play with me from their demeanor and subtle innuendos towards me plus staying at my table were there were plenty of open tables to pick from. I have to admit that I was taken back at how very nice the people were and at the same time the attention (and I mean lots of it) given to me with conversation only.

How'd it go? Did you meet cool people and have fun?