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I came across something you may appreciate on Joanna Santos' blog: Musings from my everyday life...

Hi Bree, No, I don't get the sense at all that Nikki is bad in any way whatsoever, and I'm glad you asked to confirm. I share (and so does my wife) the "chaos in your head" that comes from all this. I think that is a common denominator for both the trans person and partner albeit of course experienced very differently. I've read and said this before that we transgender people need to have patience and support our partners. Unlike us they have not lived with and likely explored and considered so much about gender for perhaps most of their lives. From our (trans) side, after we come out we're kind of in a euphoric state of unburdening but also of deep sensitivity and worry about rejection that mirrors our partner's uncertainties and worries both for us and justifiably for themselves. So we all need to communicate as much as we can in loving and caring ways. The communication is vital, I'm sure of that. But also vital is at times stepping back, taking a nap or a drive, to take a break. Emma

Thank you Emma. Writing it out helps me sort out my feelings and what is actually going on in the chaos that is my head, I'll be mid-sentence and suddenly be all "Really? That's where I'm trying to go?" LOL So helpful. My thought patterns are so disorganized that I'm not always aware of all of them, and free form writing was one of the things Dr. Hollandt taught me then rereading what i wrote to learn from myself. It's amazing how well it works! I hope I don't come across as Nikki is bad in anyway, he's awesome. I'm just frustrated some days trying to manage his issues and mine at the same time and trying to dump the "I expect from a spouse behavior x" because there is no manual on being a spouse, each relationship is different and everyone behaves differently in a marriage.

Dear Bree, You write so well, so articulately, and with such emotional expression. I do understand what you're saying and I wish Nikki did too. Maybe she does and maybe she's dealing with so much crashing down on her shoulders that she is truly doing the best she can. I think that is quite likely. Do something for yourself. Take the car out, go drive and see the scenery, or have a picnic by a quiet stream. Or cry on the shoulder of a friend. You and Nikki are perfect for each other and need each other. Some day this will all seem so small. And keep writing and letting it out. It's good to hear from you, Bree. Hugs, Emma

Hello Art, there should be no rush deciding on a name. Best advice on a name I can give is look at a list of names, pick a handful that feel right then for a week or so contemplate how each name works for you. Do this both in your mind and when you can say it out loud, many just think in their mind while saying it out loud can make a big difference in the acceptability of a name. When I came out there were three or four should said I thought Janet was good for you while the majority said Karen was perfect. I spent more time on my last name then my first name. But each spanned over weeks, not hours or days as a name change process when it comes time for it can take four to six weeks and there is tons of paper work. You may not be ready for that now but it's good to get use to a name no matter when the name change is done, tomorrow or years from now.