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Dear Leo, I think you're awesome. I love your photo and am happy to have you as part of our community. Hugs, Emma

​LOL Hey girl don't try to steal my style! he he he No, use purple if you want, or any other color, on this board, that's fine honey.

​I'm sorry Monica I'm getting tired, but I know about Aspenger's Syndrome my 17 y.o. had been diagnosed with it and after living all these years I can say with much certainty that I don't have it. Now to tell you where I think my depression is rooted I'm going to quote myself; ​ ​

​Oh wow, Veronica, that's it "Simply, your emotionally closed off." The weird thing about that is that; when I was about 5 I wanted to turn my feelings off because I thought that they were too feminine. Then for whatever reason all the other kids at school shunned and ignored me so I began to collapse emotionally and, I guess that I never learned to interrelate socially. Although there are those very rare times that I meet someone that causes me to come out of my comfort zone for a time. BTW I never had to..." playing pond hockey too long and you have to thaw your skates before you can get them off! OWIE! " ​I'm sorry. but as long as I'm trans she will never allow herself to stay with me, (it's her land, I'd leave). she is hard core disciple, (as she prefers) of Christ and very set in her convictions. Only God would be able to convince her otherwise. T_T. I am never going to be able to turn away from this Dysphoria its too hard T_T T_T T_T​

I am always so amazed to hear how some people can be so deceitful and treat others so poorly. And, I can also well imagine how much you would want that relationship to work out. Most of us need a tender connection, a partner. So we keep allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. I think that is in our human nature. But it can sure be painful. I'm sorry to read your post Monica, but I'm glad to hear from you. Emma

Ren you are a beautiful person you might not see it but others do and you will get through this time.You are a beautiful man and its time to let the light of you into the world. Blessed Be and hugs Violet(veronica's wife)

Hi Bree, No problem about deleting my reply! And, like you, I love purple. In fact, I'm going to use it myself here and now. I'm glad that you're not contemplating hurting yourself. Please read carefully what Veronica and Monica wrote. They both have a lot of wisdom. BTW, I was not happy to read that people have said you have an "addictive personality." I think that is nonsense. Sure, you might be addicted to something and need to work on that. But having a "type" of personality like that? I hate labels, I really do. Especially when it's from people who likely don't know what they are talking about or what you are experiencing. If you only knew what's been said about me over the years: "You're too sensitive." Okay, well thanks very much. Now, what am I supposed to do with that? Veronica's correct: it's often a defense mechanism that we use to protect ourselves by closing ourselves off. And that defense is learned in our amygdala way back when we are small children, and triggers a fight or flight response. If you're like me, it's all flight and withdraw, and then, I turn those feelings on myself. Over and over again. Who wouldn't be depressed in such a situation? It's hard to break those patterns, I'm working on it. But that's especially when we need help from our therapist(s) and hopefully, spouses. With respect to being more open with your wife, I was lucky in that my therapist agreed to seeing the two of us. There were certain conditions in that he didn't want to play favorites or have her feel like he was only there for me. It was fantastic as, gradually, I was able to tell her what was and is going on for me in a much safer environment. It is stressful and emotional, but I really could not do it without his help. So that's an idea. Warm hugs, Emma