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Just an update I haven't been on here much. I have been really busy, active. Making steady progress. But I had something that happened to me last night which stopped me cold. I had a guy who I was friends with, who I have chatted with for months, just dump me and cut me out of his life. Being trans*, I have experienced a lot of this over many years. But recently, things had been going really well. So this blindsided me a bit. Anyways, I cried today. I will be okay. It will take some time to get over this. This wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last. I've experienced tons of rejection. And honestly, I am used to it. Even though things have gotten so much better in the last 5 years or so regarding others accepting me, particularly these last few weeks (which is awesome), it still just wears me down. Makes me tired. For some reason, I don't know why, it makes me either work harder or just back away from things. I don't allow others to validate me a person or a woman. But it still hurts when it happens, especially when we develop relationships with others and they for whatever reason back away. I hope that everyone has an awesome day today. --Lisa

Hi there everybody Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now. So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing. I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do. If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgender in the first place. And in retro spec, I assume I would've gone under the knife. Idiot and I would've been capable of going on lower doses of medication. But then again I believe the best medical treatment can only be given if your doctor have all the necessary information, of which I could determine that he was transphobic and still a good doctor, that at least put his prejudice aside to treat me. Got back to work 2 weeks later still feeling under the weather and in so much pain, seeing that the infection was from my abdomen to my crotch area, and effected my balance and core strength. Being tender and weak for literally and figuratively 6 weeks. Yes, I finally felt how everyone else felt, vulnerable. But I faked it through that timeframe to look strong. Went though a week of crying at work, because pressure I normally could handle, but hey it seemed like all the strong women were vulnerable that week, so I was not alone. An instruction came that we must only wear uniform from now on, and it came before I was ready to wear a firearm. So to my dismay, I had to fake being stronger even more to keep people at bay. Yeah, no incidents, or so I thought. Got asked to drop something and there I drive into a fight with knives wearing uniform and in a marked vehicle, so couldn't even attempt to keep myself safe by leaving it alone. I did the only thing I could think of to safeguard me and the passenger (a clerk), use my weapon only to stop the fight and make those men drop their knives before they reach us as a way to get the upper hand. Situation defused, and I carried on. And yes, the though went through my head, what if I had to shoot one or both of the men. And the other thought that was spinning in my head wasn't just our safe or taking them out fast when the situation asks for it, but I can't look weak in the face of danger. The one thing I appreciated was the clerk with me had reservist training, so also knew how to deal with the situation, although she hasn't been in the field for a long time, and it seems where firearms are drawn or I need to act she is almost always with me. And it always happens in a ganster ridden area, I am only driving with her in calm areas from now on. Then I had a make-upless day two weeks ago and the wet hair picture attached was that day. The others were taken basically a week later while I was waiting on someone to return. I also found out the woman I thought was quiet, is actually rude, and brings out my defenses and I had to put her on her place once in a shouting match. But now, I get the evil eye from her and I just pretend she is a bad demon that is trying to get back into this realm to wreak havoc on earth, as she was vanquished previously. And my answer to her questions will always be negative for her, because I can't help evil in any way or form. I'm also laughing at my kids, not biological at all. But last night the 14 year old runs up to me asking how his other mother is doing. Shame, he definitely have too many mother. Two extra this side, one where he lived the most of his life, and a multitude of grandparents. I was told I have to many fathers for my children, and I said, "No way, I only have one man with two children, not a different daddy for each child." So we have caught up from where I last said I was admitted to hospital to now. Ps. I needs to release from frustrations and almost threw the one guy off the back of a bakkies (South African term for a pick-up truck) while flinging tyres at him. But he was understanding and told me, I should've warned him that my body was still sore on the inside and he would've moved the 24 tyres on his own. I bid you farewell for now. Have a peaceful time, and remember, safety in number. Be safe, secure, and love yourself because if you can't appreciate yourself, others will find it hard to find you worthy, even though you are all perfectly imperfect just like me. Who wants to be perfectly perfect, not me!!! Lots of love and hugs Michele​

Hi there I'm smiling at the thought of me saying, let there be... First thing that comes to mind is ,"Light". But which light will I be referring too? Light as in truth, or the perfect way forward. But the more I think about it, the answer slips me... What I've come to find is, my week was filled with conversation with either men I personally know or have just met on Facebook. Yes, I sometimes accept request from total strangers. In the hope that not all men are dogs or think a pair of tits makes you an idiot and a gullable girl. The one wants to get back together and I know it's the worst idea in the world. Because the man he is, isn't all bad or all good. He is a manipulative man, that thinks he is never wrong and only wants his way. And when he does something wrong, all the blame for him doing it comes directed towards you, because you called him out on it. Thinking that emotional manipulation makes everything right. And no, I don't like or want to be emotionally blackmailed. Therefore I am lucky in a sense that even while sick, I can think in my feet and let him no, I don't want to see him, it is a bad idea and that we are bad together as a couple. We work much better to just chat with each other as our worlds doesn't attract meteors to crash into us causing disaster above disaster. And after I told him his final NO on Saturday, all radio silence was initiated again. And this from a man that was trying to get into my bed. Idiotic antidote number 2. Yes, this unknown man starts off chatting to me and telling me how beautiful I am and how I am God sent for him after losing his wife in a car accident and having a daughter that is 18years old. The more we chatted the more disillusioned and detached he seems from reality. According to him, he is this successful engineer that is working on an oil rig in South Africa, and would love to marry me as we are soulmates, destined to get married, and would move to California where we would live happily ever after in a house that he build for his wife and himself. And the beginning of this week, of which I'm sceptic already. Did I say I have difficulty in trusting men! And then he says we one and his bank account is overdrawn and needs finances to continue with his project and it would mean so much to him that he can finish on time. Bull twang!!! Told him, I don't know him and my finances is mine, of which I don't know if I can trust him or not. He continued with his messaging to attempt and convince me into parting with my money and possibly even my life. Yes, I know of serial killers that used the friends cards with how much they love you to draw you in and because of your gender, sexuality, or perceived looks can trigger their psycho side. Well out of some of the conversations I am having, there are guys that looks at me as a sexual objectobject (or do they think I'm a prostitute for quick sex), and others that finds me intellectually stimulating as well as a looker. The only question I would have is, "Do these men actually go through my profile that says I'm a transgender female, and nothing in the world is going to change that. Because if the fight comes my way or known to me which is discriminatory against gender or sexuality, I will step in and fight in that war." Or are they just looking at my face (profile picture) as those are the only two things visible on my Facebook before I accept any friend request. Well, I am grateful that I am a visible transgender female that stand for human rights and the equality that we all deserve. Hugs, respect, freedom, equality and my looks. Bid you goodnight for now. Michele J Heynes

Hi Veronica You might think that it's only men, but my inbox is filled with all genders. And I truly hope I'm not that frosty, because it seems to me I'm heating up some libidos there. Hugs Michele