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Ya know... I can't help but wonder why they are calling your top surgery as a male, cosmetic. Do they turn down genetic males with gynocomastia, classifying it as cosmetic? Are genetic males being forced to live with female-like baggage on their chests? If not, then you might have an argument. But then... if you have to be female to get even a reduction, why didn't they approve it before? Or did they not approve it because they had perhaps already gotten wind of it being trans-related? That thought came to mind some time back when you said you had once again been turned down. -Mike

I don't mean to exacerbate the seriousness of this issue, but I think perhaps you should not take it so lightly. You said, "... I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats. Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say." Rape has nothing to do with whether or not a person is sexy - rape victims come in all ages, sizes, colours, rich, poor, pretty, not so pretty, skinny, fat, and any- and everything in between. Rape is about power. It is meant to show the victim who has the power, who is in charge. It is meant to dehumanize and degrade the victim. If a male officer had it in mind to rape you, and sees you as a woman, it is to show you that you are less than he is - not that you are sexy. If he sees you as gay, or as a "man who wants to be a woman," it would more than likely be to show you "what it's like to be a woman" in his sick, and male-entitled mind. I would be just as wary of those who spout "sexual threats" as those who might spout threats of other physical harm. -Michael

Thank you, Emma. You're right, of course. I need to play the game and get over myself I got wet in the rain, but it helped and I'm now calm and relatively rational again. It's good to hear from you. Stay safe xx

I agree with Michael, threats of rape and violence are nothing to ignore. I wasn't aware that you're a police officer and I'm sure you're well trained. But they are too of course. My first instinct is to suggest that you get the heck out of there and get a new job. Of course that's easier said than done. Regardless I suggest keeping the line of communication open with your friend. Maybe through that he will also become more of an ally and will help you more, maybe even talk to the others for you. Please take care of yourself, watch your back, be prepared. It's a crappy way to have to work while you're also tasked with such responsibilities to deal with the public and criminals. Emma P.S. I wonder if your police department has you wear those body cameras to record whatever happens while you're on patrol. If not, why not get one and wear it anyway? By doing that your colleagues will know that you're recording whatever happens to you and who does what.

Ya know... sometimes, I can't help but wonder if the GIC intentionally drags out these initial appointment dates. For one thing, there is nothing that I'm aware of in the SOC that indicate a person must endure a one or two year RL test BEFORE they can even get on hormones - which from my understanding, that is what will happen once you do get in and get evaluated. It's almost as if the system there has formulated their own rules intended to make it as difficult as possible for the person, which seem to be about as inhumane and barbaric as the SOC were 50 or so years ago. The GIC can't be seeing THAT many trans people - after all, we are allegedly such a minority. And a minuscule one, at that. And I realize that the SOC are simply intended to be a guideline for care, but I fail to understand why they can't follow those guidelines a little more closely rather than making patients suffer. It's disheartening that you had to deal with the insensatively intrusive questionaire, but hopefully going with a private doctor will turn out to be the better of the two evils. And a quicker route to where you need to be. -Michael

Dear Jay, Each time I read a blog post that doesn't have those stars at the rop already colored in I wonder, should I do it? We always click on them so I feel kind of odd about it. But for your post just now, it is obvious that it's a 5-star. No need to apologize of course about being away. It's great to hear from you though. I'm sorry about the screwy GIC. I wonder why they run it that way. It can't be to save money can it? Maybe they think that be delaying people will decide they don't need the service. Stupid, I agree. I think it's great that you've reached out for private care. I know their questionnaire was frustrating and insulting but you gotta play the game because unlike GIC at least they seem to want to play with you, and you know what you need. Stay in touch if you can, and if not, no guilt my friend. Warm hugs, Emma

I agree with Karen, you look terrific. If you really want to gain weight, eat carbs, like bread, pasta, rice... All that stuff will "help" but long term it's really sugar, which may create havoc with your insulin and blood sugar. I think you're better off letting nature take its course. If you're thin, you're thin! Many would be totally envious... :-) I'm 5' 8 1/2" and am now stable and happy at 155 lbs. it's not easy but with practice it's not that hard either. We eat meat/fish/poultry with salads and veggies. Popcorn and wine for dessert. :-) in moderation of course. The most important thing is to stay healthy and exercise. Health is one of those things too easy to take for granted until it's a problem. You do look great. Enjoy it! You deserve it. Emma