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Hiya all I think by letting my animosity go into writing, the realization that I was hampered in a way becomes acceptable. Because if I didn't have to overcome any of this, I might not have had the urge as a child to understand the differences in genders and so doing might have been a total jerk or bigot when it came to gender or equality. I also believe because of this I sculpted the way my father looked at gender and sexuality, because I know he would've looked at it differently if it didn't happen to his baby. So changing an older generation into accepting what is as old as time but was never talked about is an achievement in itself. Knowing that I do have support and I do acknowledge all in the struggles of gender and sexuality not because I'm part of the struggle but have a greater understanding of it in the same time. I appreciate that I was allowed to broaden my knowledge as I pleased by my father, and that he took the stand to say till here and no further for my mother. So yes, a dictator was in my family and that role was filled by the member you would think of as masculine or the father figure, and turned out to be the mother, supposedly nurturer, supposedly supporter of offspring. Total reversal of roles, but I got my emotional and physical support even if it wasn't from your atypical gender form, and I am grateful he was in my life for 19 years of my life. I'm glad I got to work with his tender side, to have the nurturing love of a strong man that in the end even taught his granddaughter that the love she experienced, and she was worthy to know the meaning not just the word love. Love all Hugs and kisses Michele

Jay, Oh, right, you're in the UK - how is all that going? I woke up in the middle of the night and thought to check, was shocked to see the result! Now just waiting for Scotland to vote again and leave the UK! I'm of Scottish descent, would like to see them break free :-)

Hiya Michele; Veronica; Chrissy; and Emma. Emma, what a Great Description. You are so right, about We can " Be rightfully proud of ourselves. " We All have a Massive Amount to be Proud Of. Have a Good Day, and a Great Weekend ahead. Take Care Michele; Veronica; Chrissy; and Emma. With My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Hi Michele and Christie, I have a fair amount of animosity toward my mother too. I can't help but wonder where I got the shame I felt when, as a preschooler, I knew that wanting to play with the girls, do girl things like play ballerina, and so forth. I know this: she spanked me for many infractions so I can only assume she tried hard to spank those notions right out of my head. Obviously it didn't work. I'd ask her and my father but both are gone, and I have no siblings, so I can only wonder. But my shame was also reinforced by Ray Blanchard and his cohorts. As I grew up and came across anything to do with transsexualism, transvestism, I ​absorbed it (in secret). I was drawn to information. As I think about it now I don't know why I didn't go to the library. Might not have found anything but who knows. But I must move on, forward. It doesn't do me good to dwell or hold resentments. I've learned so much in the past several years, that we are all normal, lovable, and respectable the way we are. I sometimes mentally trip on that but overall I'm coming to accept myself. I hope everyone who reads this is too. BTW, a side effect of these feelings - that I believe many trans people share - is a tendency to overthink. We try to control ourselves, how people interact with us, and are often compelled to wonder "what might have been." Speaking for myself I think this arose from the shame of who I really was. Like living a lie that I had to constantly protect against others' awareness. As we share ourselves and are vulnerable, shame dwindles into nothingness. It's largely self-imposed, after all, and once its reason for existence is removed, we have the freedom and inner power to be ourselves, to be rightfully proud of ourselves. Hugs, Emma