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About lying in bed, in my long white nightgown, reading, with my legs tucked under the skirt. It's like being at peace with the world, comfortable and cozy, and right. It just feels right. And that's what they say transgender is. What feels right, what does it for you. It's terribly hard at times to really put ones finger on it and like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, as soon as you try, it moves, as if it can't be objectively pinned down. Isn't it weird that something as simple as this could seem so right? I mean, why the big deal? Why does it mean anything at all? It's not erotic or a turn-on. Maybe I'm past that point. But maybe it's also a feeling of how it should have been so many years ago when I should have been a little girl. But I'll never be a little girl nor a big adult girl either. Maybe I don't have to be so long as it's okay for me from time to time to snuggle in my white nightgown, reading a book, cozy. Right now it feels very good, very right.

Just cut ties with my father. I've talked about him and the complicated relationship before, and why I didn't really know what I was holding onto. Well, he finally pushed that last button and I went nuclear. He called me stupid again, which I'm used to really, over my belief that we have to do better as a nation to care for people. There aren't enough jobs. They are getting shipped overseas en masse. The old get a job rhetoric is a joke, and there is no reason anyone should be homeless and starving in this country. We have the ability to fix it, we as a society choose not to. But to go on calling my son a loser over and over when he DOESN"T KNOW HIM pushed me over the edge. He has consistantly refused to talk to the boy on the phone or e-mail his whole life. How on earth can he accurately state anything other than that boy exists and his name? He doens't know it. So I told him off royally, including the phrase "you need to learn when it's time to shut the eff up" I am so done. From now on Nikki has stepped up to create the Great Wall of Nikki around me, and that man has lost access. Because I am done. Toxicity helps no one. I know a lot of people here will understand, because it doesn't matter if the core issues is transgender or racism, the emotional fall out is the same. The same ugly, the same judgement, the same crazy. I need a hug. This summer was going so well too.

As I often do on Sunday mornings over coffee I read The New York Times and this morning was no different. I ran out of things that interested me so did a search on "transgender" and found the following article about Barry Winchell's murder while in the US Army, who was in a serious relationship with Calpernia Addams, a transexual woman. I came close to crying in the neighborhood coffee shop as I was so taken by the depth of feelings that came up: An Inconvenient Woman I then checked Huffington Post's TRANSGENDER page which often has interesting articles and, thankfully, found one that was so delightful, about an 11 year old gay boy's first day at middle school, how he met and befriended an 11 year old transgender girl, and his wonderful mother: When My Son Met Another Out LGBTQ Kid On The First Day Of Middle School Okay, great, feeling better! At least until I read another one on Huff Post: Surviving The Waves Of History: Bathroom Bills Can Be Deadly which is about a transman's suicide over the weight that he could bear no longer from those who deny transgender people's validity and rights. He just missed Attorney General Loretta Lynch's speech where she said: "Let me also speak directly to the transgender community itself. Some of you have lived freely for decades. Others of you are still wondering how you can possibly live the lives you were born to lead. But no matter how isolated or scared you may feel today, the Department of Justice and the entire Obama Administration wants you to know that we see you; we stand with you; and we will do everything we can to protect you going forward. Please know that history is on your side. This country was founded on a promise of equal rights for all, and we have always managed to move closer to that promise, little by little, one day at a time. It may not be easy — but we’ll get there together.” We will, my friends, get there together. What a Sunday morning it's been. Here's wishing you a beautiful day. Go hug someone. Emma

Good day all I know that I am sometimes just questioning what is happening, but hey, seeing that I am still a young 36 years old that looks younger apparently then my 18 year old self, then how can I say no to being a questioning fiend. I went in for the operation on Tuesday and to my perk, I wasn't treated as though I was a weird specimen of human trying to infiltrate an alien race. Operation was done with the highest of professionalism and only afterwards I was asked about being transgender seeing that they only get to see trans persons in medical journals and not in the flesh. Okay, as I said it's easier identifying as transgender seeing that I am intersex and that in itself is more confusing to explain to people including myself, who thought that it would make my life a little bit easier or more understanding to myself. So transgender still goes on all forms, not for the fact that I can't explain both, but because of gender identity, and if there isn't an area where I need to explain, I just write female, or what do you girls right. It always will end as female. I don't know if it's actually going to be a bad visit tomorrow at the surgeon because I know how it feels to be the new kid on the block, and all I know is he isn't a bad surgeon neither does he use a bad stitch at all. Got banged up the other night by the 2 year old, who decided to slam directly on the wound and down I went for a few minutes and all was well, just lucky, I decided that I needed to wear a sanitary towel just in case I was to bleed, and yeah the blood got caught by this awful piece of material that made my cunt (for lack of better wording) and wound area feel like this massive and fat area. Okay, tomorrow I go for my check up and I hope that everything is better because I feel kind of different at the spot that I was cut into. Ooooh, the weirdest thing I can say is, who comes out of a medically induced coma and check their hair, make it perfect before going down to recovery and asking for food. That was me and hilarious as always. Tomorrow is results day and check up, so let me go and say. Cheers ladies and gentlemen. Please keep your hands, mouth, feet and all valuables inside the brains, as we will have liftoff soon and meaning that nothing is safe to the rest as it will be said. I bit thee fairwell only because I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I also grant the world permission to accept each other for who they are, because this fight for equality is gender old already, and I'm to sexy to have this fight continuously. Love, lust and hugs Michele

Good evening everyone Not a big thing, I'm going in on Tuesday for an operation to remove my lump. So far no sign of imminent danger, so relieved to an extent, but will be happier on Tuesday 2016-08-16 when it is removed. So not all smile, but some sort of smile and a grin after having a bowl of comfort food. Can't beat chocmint ice cream. For once a male doc that wants to learn more. Here's to queer cheers, hell whatever kind of cheers you want to give works. Oooh was told by my non biological child, he loves my laugh. I'm talking about my ugly laugh, and he says it sounds like I can be the villain in the movies. Good night my sweets. Hugs and kisses Oooh loads of motivation to keep on with your desires to fulfill your dreams. Hey, can't just the bearer of bad, semi good news. If I can be strong, so can you, and if you don't have the strength, just lean on me and I'll carry you to safety... Xoxoxoxoxoxo Michele