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I'm so glad your getting the full benefit! And your initial thought,t hat counseling is something to prove to others, isn't unusual. Sadly our world stigmatizes counseling and belittles its' value. I was 17 when my father decided I was crazy and forced me into a therapist, and I was really resistant to it, since my mother had done the same when I was 11. When I was 11, that therapist wasn't very good, she reported EVERYTHING to my parents, and it backlashed on me bad. So between what I had absorbed of culture and prior experience, poor Dr. H. But then that moment came, when I realized it was about me and learning to cope with my family. that Dr. H's intent was to help me be healthier and find what healthier meant for me, and that I wasn't the one who didn't understand the reality I was living in, that moment was tranformative. It was super emotional for me to read your post about that moment, most people won't share about moments like that in therapy for fear of the stigma, and it's lovely to see someone else doing so. Thank you!

Dear Jay, I hope you don't feel embarrassed but I understand where you're coming from. Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Just the opposite, in fact, that now because you were brave enough to accept and live with your T being late, that you may have learned something important for you. My sense also is that the RLE is important. Incredibly hard, too, like living in purgatory while also needing to keep a stiff upper lip to society. But maybe it does help encourage patience - which is not a bad thing. And a deeper level of understanding and acceptance, which is a glorious thing. Anyway it's great to hear from you, and I hope you'll keep posting and letting us know how you're doing. Emma

This was what caused me to transition MTF. I have low T my entire life and it seemed like a no brainer to take the T and masculinize. My Real life experience with T solidified several things for me. You should go slow. I have faith in your decision.