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I just get so unreasonably mad at the time I have to spend PLANNING a thing, ya know? Whether it's a grocery meal plan or a complicated mmo raid. There is this niggling 'why can't i just do it and figure it out as I go?' thought in the back of my mind. One of the best thing Nikki ever gave me was my smartphone, the day I discovered the gps and realized I would never have to sit with a bunch of maps trying to figure out a route again was amazing(auto-correct less so, for a tool that is supposed to be helpful it sure has resulted in a LOT of embarrassment over the years! And a quick aid when I get lost driving around my town. Yeah, I do that. Sometimes. And you can even use it for walking directions, which was really helpful when we were in Central Park in NYC and had no idea how the paths work to get from museum to train. I don't know why my brain gets so mad about planning, it's obviously effective and I'm slowly learning skills for it. But I guess as long as I learn that the behavior is useful, and it's okay to be mad about it while I'm working on a project and do it anyway, I'll have won some kinda prize, right? Maybe I should tell Nikki to buy me a rubber duckie or something as my prize. They're cute. I wish I understood WHY I feel like that, where the emotional connections even come from, it's so randomly irrational. As for Nikki, tried explaining the intention vs. reception, and he tells me he hears and understands, then does it again that very day. I think I may just have to bite the bullet on this one, its not going anywhere good and Ill just have to learn to not hear anything at all instead of 'I just don't want to be bothered with you" when he says that I guess. Not sure how healthy that is, but it's can't be worse than the current dynamic right? We're arguing right now about presents actually, he wants to know what i want for my birthday. And really, the only things I want in general right now is to have this vacation settled and for my neighbors to stop being crazy, neither of which Nikki can put in a box and wrap. And I think Nikki has already purchased just about EVERY turtle available in town for me over the years. Hm...maybe I'll ask him to make one of the pinterest projects I liked. Not the big three piece painting I linked earlier, that one is in multiple layers requiring a lot of space to do an drying time, but the smaller plank beach one. That's doable in the time allotted, and I"ve seen Nikki's work, definitely has the skill for it.

You are certainly making good progress Bree, good for you. I've also often said something along the lines of "whatever you'd like" to the question of what to eat, which movie to see, whatever. I learned something from my wife that helped us. As I'm sure you understand, making these choices is kind of a burden. You're having to come up with choices, make a choice, and all along, hope that your partner likes your choice. Sometimes it's nice not to have to deal with it and let the other person choose. From my perspective I was assuming that by giving her the choice I was being flexible and supportive, but I learned that sometimes (often?) that's not the way it's received. So maybe that's a good topic for discussion with Nikki, and it might also reduce some of your resentment which is always a good thing. Nip it in the bud!