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Hello Judy and welcome to TGGuide. It sure sounds to me like you're transgender, which is a reason you're drawn to study and consider what it is to be a woman. It's perfectly okay to crossdress on occasion to make yourself feel good. The point is to help oneself manage their dysphoria. For some (many?) cross dressing is all that they need. Or maybe it's all they can do at this point in time so it's much better and satisfying to do than try to go on without it. And of course there are many who find that crossdressing isn't enough for them, and they eventually go on to hormones and surgeries. The main thing to be aware of and accept is that being transgender isn't a choice. Also, it's not something that can be "cured", it's not a disease, and it's not going away. We are born this way and like people who are left handed or blue eyed, we deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. So I'd ask you: what is your awareness of transgender, yourself, and your acceptance of yourself? It can be hard to go through all this, it sure was for me. If it is for you, have you considered seeing a therapist? It helps to talk about this with a professional, especially therapists who are aware of gender concerns. Please look around TGGuide, learn, and post your thoughts and questions. We are all happy to help in any way that we can. Emma

Thank you very much Emma! We're enjoying a week of putting things in order to move forward with our plans and hopefully end up in a nicer future.

Hi Bree, Congratulations on your anniversary and a belated Happy Birthday too! Emma

I"m sorry, I didn't meant to make anyone thing I was leaving Nikki! We have issues, like every couple, but we are pretty successful in working through them I think. There were a few times it came close over the years, but we stuck it out. At least we've held it together a long time. We may be doing the separate cities thing for a while though, depending on how prepping/selling the house and his jobhunt drop into place. But the days when you could wait for everything to align perfectly are long gone, and we gotta make it work in any order we can.

It is a shared office of six therapists, so we're going to call the receptionist to see about the future. It feels gross though. It feels gross to call these people who just lost a coworker to sort out our business. I know they understand and are still looking to help patients, just my emotional brain feels really gross about it. And we literlaly know ZERO transgender people in the area. If they're here, they're not talking. There are no local support or social groups at all here, no one whose popped up on any of my searches. I know Nikki can't be the only person, but they're in deep hiding or something. And there is the this sucks, i LIKED her. She was a really nice person, sweet, and very good at what she does. She had small children and a husband, and I hate seeing life cut short like that. I know it happens, no guarantees for any of us, but it really breaks my heart.