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"Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her." -- Jeff And if [she] IS transgender, and doesn't make it to 18? What then? Will you be happy? The suicide rate for transgender people is disproportionately and sickenly higher than in any other group. Not trying to scare you or make you feel bad... I just think there's a bigger picture you need to be consider rather than your own misplaced pain. If [she] IS transgender, by 18, the poison of estrogen will have widened [her] hips, put fat where [she] will not want it, and put breasts on [her] chest...which [she] will no doubt despise and be disgusted by. You will find all the documentation you want that debunks the existence transsexuality... doesn't make it factual. Just bolsters what you choose to believe. For now, the only proof it actually exists is differences in the brain - but that can only be discovered after one is dead. If [she] IS transgender, [she] is NOT mentally ill... as are none of the rest of us. Only a competent mental health professional will be able to help you all - and [her] - determine if [she] is indeed trans, or just suffering the hellish trials of growing up. I was at least heartened to learn that you are getting counselling for your son... he has learned this unacceptance by those around him. Hopefully he is still young enough to learn and realize that homophobia and transphobia is not pretty, and that GLBT people are no different than straight and cisgender (non-transgender) people. If [she] IS transgender, this is just as hard on [her] as on you... if not more so. But any hardship [she] may be enduring is not of [her] making... but of the society around [her] that villifies people like us for no good or logical reasons. I wish all of you - but especially your child - good luck. -Michael P.S. I would recommend that you consider checking out the Transgender Children & Youth forum. And even the FTM Discussion forum

Hi Jeff, I just came across your post; you bring up many understandable concerns and worries. I certainly agree: - There are no objective tests to determine if one is transgender. - We all wish our feelings, the ones we experience as trans and for our children, would just go away. - We all worry that we will be miserable in life, marginalized and unloved. And yet, we know, from clear existence proofs, that transgender people really exist. The science is trying to catch up, just give it time. I’m 62, and since I was in preschool I wished my feelings would just go away. Believe me, please, I’ve tried. I’ve been married twice, the second time for more than 20 years to a woman who still loves me dearly and I love her too. But in the end I tried to commit suicide a couple of times because I wasn’t living authentically. As a trans woman I am not miserable in life. Yes, it has its challenges but it’s actually very delightful compared with the alternative where I was largely waiting for life to run out. I don’t suppose you’ll find that very helpful. For me, the first step was to do enough research to convince myself that to be transgender is real, valid. After that, I struggled with determining that I am indeed trans. And then, what to do about it. I suggest you try following a similar path. Determining if your child is trans or not is tough of course. No, no one is going to push hormones or surgeries before your child and you/your wife are ready. That said, there may be an urgency to all this to start puberty blockers. From what I have seen and read they are harmless. But you need to convince yourself. Please talk to all the professionals you can find. Note also, please, that there is a conference in early August in Seattle called Gender Odyssey. They have a Family Program that you may find very helpful. I suggest that you look into it. With warm regards, Emma