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Hi Tilly, I'm sorry for your experience and loss. Might I suggest that you reach out to your pastor for a quiet and private meeting? As you said, you're confident she came over out of love and, evidently, it backfired. Sounds to me like she'd appreciate the opportunity to learn from your experience and, who knows, maybe you'll patch things up.

It’s entirely up to you whether or not you meet the pastor with your folks. It’s your life, you’re an adult, so it’s your decision. Yes, you’re folks might be upset. That’s their problem and they can meet with her (without you) if they wish. With awareness of that you might meet privately with the pastor before to provide her with specific feedback about how she overstepped with you and your wife, and how unhelpful and disturbing her comments were. And, if she wishes you to attend a meeting including your parents she needs to be much more considerate and diplomatic. Otherwise you won’t attend. Obviously all this is up to you. I understand a reluctance to violating your parents wishes but if the meeting is simply a repeat of the last one if’s a waste of time and worse, your emotional health,

Is there a chance the pastor was just visiting? Your wording of an intervention suggests otherwise, hopefully they were not patronising, there are affirming churches and pastors out there Tilly so even if this pastor struggles to understand you, others won't.

Thanks Emma, It is apparently a reasonably common side effect, I have done some reading (and have since gone back to do some more lol) and it is due to the thermolysis but as a general rule it should improve by the 7-10 day mark, if it is still as raw looking I will speak to someone though - if it does what it is supposed to do it will be worth it. I cannot stand the roughness of my face just now though. At a Christmas dinner last year I was sat next to a lady that had far more of a beard than I, but she was a crofter and an ex policewoman to boot so she very much just does her own thing and doesn't worry about anyone else's opinion. It would be nice if the rest of the world was so full self assurance that whiskers were not such a big deal! enjoy your fashion party.

Sadly, my biggest supporter right now is my sister, whom I have been at odds with for the past few years. I wish I could have her at that meeting with us, but she lives 3 hours away.