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@ScottishDeeDee Your opinion matters more than you know. If I was a goddess, I would change the past. I would grant people a do-over for their most serious transgressions. But that's not possible, as I'm not a goddess, and none of the Gods will allow me to do that. I don't know where to go when I think of this. Do I go up? Do I go down? Do I go left? Do I go right? Is it black? Is it white? Is it gray? Is it some other color of the rainbow? At the time of the incident, I was mixed with a million different feelings. Something told me to stop. That I was going to kill him. Something else told me to keep going until I killed him. That that was what a "real man" does with f**s. Something asked me why I was doing it when I was no different from him. It reminded me that I was bi. I didn't know what transgender was at the time, but it reminded me that I was supposed to have been a girl. And something reminded me that I was as useless as nipples on a bull. Something inside me hoped that someone bigger and stronger than me would come up on the scene, see what was going on, save him, and beat my ass. I don't know what I could do as a penance. Mainly because I don't know if there is anything that would in any way matter in comparison. I hate myself, and always will. But that's my cross to bear, as they say. If anyone believes in prayer, then please send him your prayers. I don't know his name, only his face, so I can't tell you who to send them to by name. All I can call him is Him.

Hi Jen, That must have been incredibly tough to share. Very few people go through life acknowledging the hurt that they have caused another, physical or otherwise - let alone show remorse for it. Just know that while it is a post full of pain you have also proved that people can and do change and that compassion is greater than hatred. Forgiveness is not something anyone can just do, it take a conscious effort. My opinion may not count for much but I assure you that if anything it has gone up and not down. All my best. Dee x 🤗

I would never be able to do that. I couldn't go in front of people and tell them what I did. I don't have the courage to do that. I think a lot of the reason is the shame. The shame may be exactly the reason to do it, but I still don't think I could. Whether it was at a school, religious institute (church, synagogue, mosque, etc.) or conference of some sort, I just don't think I could put myself out there. I can think of 3 things it would take to get me to do it. And that's being generous. 1) An act of god. 2) A cattle prod 3) A hell of a lot of encouragement and support. I would probably need a bucket with me so that I would have somewhere to throw up while telling the story. Gods forgive me, when I think of this, I just want to die.