amie

I reached a point of total acceptance of myself before I started hormones, I also felt that I had found the woman buried within me and I just needed to know it was ok. What convinced me to go on with hormone therapy was the knowledge that as I got older that I would age as a man and it would get more difficult as time went on as I was starting to lose my hair. However after my surgery I realized how much the medical community does not know what will happen next. There are many questions that remain. Many risks with each medical intervention. Because I finally accept myself I am more afraid of any further surgery because now I actually want to live! The combination of Mental Therapy along with Hormone therapy was a good balance for me. But it also important to be open to the consequences and permanent nature of the results. Acceptance means so much and First Impressions are very significant. It is far more possible to be accepted where people do not know ones past gender than when forced to confront family and friends of the past. What is really interesting is that through my own changes I have gone back to my home town and stood right next to people I have known for years and they did not recognize me. There is much peace about being able to start over. I believe that hormone therapy makes life easier in public not just about subtle physical changes but about human scent as well, hormone therapy changed the subconscious odor that is present in human beings different between men and women. When I was off estrogen for 3 months I noticed a difference in how my spouse reacted toward me. When I went back on hormones she became more separate from me and less interested, there was very little physical changes it was more about the smell. Anyway just a little food for thought. Hormones or no hormones should not stop anyone from doing there best to be themselves. Amy

I am very happy to have completed transition and become accepted in my new identity. However with very little support from friends and family of the past. The stress of keeping up each day is starting to take its toll on me. I was hired full-time in a job in which everyone that surrounds me on a daily basis does not know of my past, Nor do they give me any inclination that they even think that I have ever been anything other than who I am now. Because I could not afford any type of hair removal I successfully chose plucking in order to get me by. I pleasantly report that the plucking succeeded in reducing my hair growth dramatically and the hairs come back thinner and lighter. However the only way to completely eliminate beard shadow would be electrolysis or laser. The shadow occurs from the pigment that is located at the base of the follicle. Even cis-gender women can have this problem, so I do not feel completely out of place.. I do spend at least 1/2 hour each day doing maintenance on my face to keep looking feminine and fresh, but there really isn't that much to pluck unless I skip a day. But since I first plucked, I have not shaved and this growth has slowed significantly. Since Hormones have also helped me, I do remember reading that over time Estrogen may cause the facial skin to thin out a bit, revealing more of the shadowed pigment underneath the skin. So how does this affect me??? I feel more self conscious about having a shadow because I do not and cannot have anyone talking about or guessing about my identity. However I have seen cis-gendered women with more shadow than me so half of these feelings may be in my head. Words cannot express what it is like to have to dress professionally 24/7. I went from never being able to dress up to having to follow a strict professional dress code which requires things like dresses, skirts, nylons and fine leather shoes. I have gotten used to this now, but I sincerely miss the days when I could just get up and be casual once in while. Well I am so tired I can't stay awake. I sleep in hotel rooms every night and end up keeping my makeup on through the night just in case someone were to pull the fire alarm forcing me to leave the comfort of my room. More to follow.......... Amie