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TiffanyS

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  1. TiffanyS
    Hello again everyone

    I've been wanting to post a blog entry to let everyone know how things are going and whats happening in my life but I haven't really gotten the chance with working two jobs and trying desperately to get out of debt (much to my own dismay). First of all yesterday I went to another doctors appointment for a checkup and to increase my dosage of estrogen and to get prescribed some mild antianxiety/antidepression medication. Everything went really well, eventhough when I first got there, the nurse that intially saw me was visibly uncomfortable checking my weight and takeing my blood pressure. I mean she was nice and didn't say anything but I could easily tell because she didnt make any eye contact, didn't speak very much to me, and left the room as quickly as she could. It didn't really bother me too much at the time but I thought it was pretty rude of her but thankfully my doctor was, as always, nice to me and really wanted to know how I'm doing and seems like she truely cares about me

    Recently I started talking to my work about the possiblility of me transitioning at work and much to my suprise, the talk went really well. My store manager emailed the corporate head quarters and they said that they are completely supportive of me and my need to transition. It was really great to hear that and now I am considering weather to stay at the store I am at or transfer to another store. I am debating transfering when my hair is a little longer, and my body has changed a little more. Im hoping to go through with my transfer around july or august or september. I figure with my increased dosage and the fact that I will have been on hormones for over a year that I should be able to pass by then, at least I hope so.

    Other than that, my life has been pretty tame. My brother finally came around and has started to accept me for being trans and wanting to fully transition. It took him a while but I think we can really mend our relationship to the way it was or possibly even be better than what it was. Im working on figureing out where I want to move to in the summer. Living with friends and my parents has been alright but I really need my own place where I can do what I want when I want and have total privacy. I think it would also be nice for everyone else because I do work such odd hours and the days I have off I won't be bothering anyone being awake at 3 or 4 in the morning.

    Also I've started to plan a career after I come out full time and I am planning on going back to school to get my nursing certification. I've talked with a lot of people and they say that the medical field is very accepting of transgender people and are very much an eual opportunity empolyer. So hopefully I will be able to start school early next year and be ready for a new career shortly after that. I know its a long time away but I can really use this time to work and save money and ready myself for the coming months and anticpate the coming changes in my life.

    Lastly I've stared going to more group meetings here and I've found them a lot more informative than I used to. Also i've seen a few other girls closer to my age showing up to them. Its nice to connect with other tgs who are closer to my age and really good to talk to them in person. Eventhough most are still earlier in their transition than I am but its still great to talk to them.

    Well thats all I have for now, hope everyone is doing well

    <3

    Tiff
  2. TiffanyS
    So another month down of hormones and the changes haven't been physical but definately mental. Maybe its a lot of stuff going on with me lately or the stress of whats to come, but I've been a mix of sad, angry, annoyed, depressed, flighty, and rediculously hyper. It could just be the fact that my living situation (or lack there of) is really starting to bother me, or the fact that every other week it seems like I have my brother sending me an email basically saying how I'm an aweful person and that its "unnatural" to do this to my body and how im going to tear our family apart. Its just so frustrating because I try to talk to him to get him to understand and respond to what he says but he either never reads my email or just disregards them. I try to call and nothing, I text him and nothing. I always knew transitioning would be tough and I heard all the stories from others talking about how their families didnt accept them, but the basic hatred for me from my own brother, the same one that once told me once that he'd always be there for me no matter what, i guess this doesn't count under the "no matter what".

    I've been back seeing my therapist again (how i can come up with the money Im still totally unsure of but im managing). Im happy to be going again and its a total relief. My therapist generally cares for me and is always looking out for me, as well as her intern. They really help me start to feel better and start to direct my life in a positive direction.

    Other than working way too damn much and finding time to sleep and have the little bit of social life that I have left, I've been a bum. I basically have just been watching old episodes of shows I've watched 100s of times before. I don't know if its cuz im just being lazy or if im looking for some sort of happy feeling that I once had when I saw the episodes before.

    Im anxious, scared, excited, optomistic, and all sorts of other emotions for the future. In a short few months my transition is going to hit the next level. Im really hoping to improve some of the relationships with my family and friends.

    On a happier note, Im hoping to go to SCC in atlanta come september. If I can get enough money together (which shouldnt be that big of a deal cuz its a good 8 months away) but I was curious if anyone else was planning on going to it. I've never gone to any of these conferences before but I thought it would be fun and have a chance to meet many others like us in person. If you are going, please send me a message.

    Anyways thats all for now. Sorry for this being a depressing entry, I just kinda needed to get it off my chest. My mom started calling me "eeyore" trying to cheer me up since i've been so glum lately. Im sure its just a mix of a lot of different things right now and ill be better soon

    <3

    Tiff
  3. TiffanyS

    the waiting game

    By TiffanyS,

    2011 here we are. Hope everyone had a safe and happy new year and I hope everyone is still doing good with your new years resolutions. I broke one of the two of mine already but o well no big deal lol.

    Anyways this year will be a BIG year for me, much better planned out than last year. I really thought it through and while it felt like this tide was moving me along in my transition, I feel more in control now and happy about my transition. Now Im just playing the waiting game. Im not waiting for any certain life events, well i guess i am, im just waiting for my hair to grow out more so i won't need to wear a wig out. Come march I am going to be coming out to my work and telling them im trans and working with my job to hopefully be able to work as a girl, be a girl full time and finally feeling right all the time. After all I'm not going to have much choice come summer. Cuz the longer I am on hormones, the more my body will be changing and soon I won't be able to hid the changes.

    This is one of the last seemingly impossible hurdles to accomplish in my transition. I know that there will be a lot of hardships inbetween but when it comes to transitioning there are 5 early stages that are the hardest to overcome, #1 coming out to family, #2 coming out to spouse, #3 starting the transitioning process, #4 coming out to work, #5 start living full time. Except for the last two I have already acomplished the others and am ready to start my life living as a woman.

    I realized one thing though in the last couple of months I have been stuck working two jobs trying to pay for everything, Im currently stuck in apartment that is a lot more than i wanted to spend per month but that will end soon so I may be able to quit one job and still be fine, or keep both and finally be able to start more savings and be able to afford more things and save for srs. But thats not the point, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to my tg friends so i've made up for that by going online and chatting in my fav chat rooms. Let me tell you (and this is a good learning tip for all other transpeople looking for support) be aware of who you are talking to. The majority of men in chat rooms are mostly just looking sex. Even a lot of the "trans" people in the chat rooms, are normally their to try and hook up with trans girls. I put trans in quotation marks cuz a lot of times it seems to me like men posing as tgs to get more of a chance to chat with you. Its really tough to deal with sometimes. Like just the other day I had a rough day, my brother sent me an email telling me how much he hates the fact im trans and wondering why im hurting the family like that. Which really hurt my feelings and i needed to be comforted. Well one of the guys, who i thought was nice, was chatting with me and to cheer me up sent me a picture of his.........well man part. I didn't know how to react and i was upset and felt really bad about myself like he knows im suffering and still only cares about his own sex drive more than me. Later i was talking to another supposed nice guy who was starting to be supportive, then asked what i was up to, what i was wearing, was i wearing a bra, and if he could get a picture of me in my bra. Again i was angry and felt horrible about myself. So I thought I would post this, not just to rant or complain, but to help other trans girls and boys out there who are looking for people to talk to and warn them whos out there.

    Anyways I am doing great, life on hormones is fantastic and I am hoping to restart electrolysis in february. Hope everyone is going well. Don't be afraid to message me anytime or check out my vids on youtube, the link is in my profile.

    <3

    tiff
  4. TiffanyS
    When I think back about the last year, I really can't believe how far I've really come since this time last year. Last year around this time, I was in a committed relationship with a person who I thought loved me for me and accepted all my faults (wasn't the case), I was dealing (not very sucessfully) with my gender identity issue on my own and in my own way, my family life was very stable, and I was working a job that I thought was pretty good and treated me fairly.

    Fast forward a year and things are much much different. I started going to therapy for my gender idently, my therapist recommended me for hrt and I started taking hormones, I started doing electrolysis (hoping to continue in feburary after two months off), my relationship ended, my family is kind of a mess, I lost my place to live, I changed jobs and am working two jobs now, and I've made many friends online and in real life that accept and understand my gender identity issues.

    Even though there were some pretty big downs, Im really happy with my life. Im happy that Im transitioning and am excited to see what the results for me will be in three, six, and twelve months. Im much more comfortable with myself and carrying myself in everyday life when I'm out as tiffany and have learned soo soo much about being a girl in everyday life.

    So thats all for 2010, and now time to look forward to 2011. There are a few things that Im really hoping to accomplish. First Im hoping to have my real hair grown to the length im comfortable with so I don't have to rely on a wig. Second Im hoping to have a job or two as tiffany. Whether its where I currently work or someplace new, I just want to be able to work as the girl that I know I really am. Third, Im hoping to have my own place. This should be the easiest one to achieve cuz to be honest im sick of sleeping on friend's couches for a few nights. Lastly I want to be living full time by the end of the year or very close to it. This one will probably be the hardest to accomplish but I know since its something I really want, I'll find a way to accomplish this.

    Last but not least, I just wanted to say thank you everyone on here for reading my blog and commenting when you thought you would give me some advise on what to do or share stories about things you've gone through which makes me feel better that Im not the only one going through this. Special thank you's to JenniferNicole, Stephani, Serenity, Bonnie, Amie, BobbieJo, Rob, jennag, LisaNB, CarolineTyler, ValerieMae, Jesslyn, AshleySummers, and all the rest who i've talked to and replied to messages and who've responded to mine. You all mean the world to me and I love you all.

    Anyways, before I start getting all emotional I'll wrap this up, anyways I hope everyone had a great 2010 and hope everyone has a safe new years and I will talk to you all in 2011.

    <3

    Tiff
  5. TiffanyS
    Hi everyone remember me, its your girl tiff. Im still around even though I haven't been able to post anything or respond to messages. First of all I had to switch jobs again, not because of me being trans but because the general stress of the job just got a little too much for me. Basically it boils down to this, I was working close to 50 hours of week, they never sent me a schedule till two days before the week started so I couldn't ever plan anything with anyone, I was constantly called to pick up extra shifts (not really given a choice to take it or not, I just had to), and I only made $10 per hour and hadn't gotten a raise in 2.5 years and only got 20 hrs of vacation. So I struggled and found a different job (even though its still as a male) at a gas station working 2nd and 3rd shifts for a little less than what I was making working for my last job but after 3 months I will get a raise and I will be really close to what I was making before I quit. Which is basically the main reason I haven't been around. I have basically been working 3 jobs because my newest job hired me right away so they were training me, I was working at the security company, and working a job at the mall everyday. Yeah so basically I've been exhausted cuz everyday I end up working about 16 hours everyday.

    Working so much has gained me a good amount of money but a lot of that has gone to regular bills, doctor bills, hormones, and other misc expenses but I think I finally did enough to get ahead, and with my tax return which will set me up REALLY well thankfully. But thats if everything works out the way I plan (which rarely happens).

    Other than that Ive been on hormones for two months and the changes are very welcome. My skin is much softer than before, I have some minor breast growth, some of the fat in my body is starting to redistribute around my hips and butt, and my hair has become softer. I haven't really experienced many mood swings which is really nice cuz i dont want to be a mess. I have noticed that I tend to cry a little easier than before which is really nice to be in touch with my emotions.

    Since I've been so busy a lot of my transition has slowed a little. I haven't seen my therapist in about a month, I haven't had a chance to go to electrolysis in a while either because of lack of money and lack of time, and I havent been able to express my fem side as much. But since one job will be ending on thanksgiving, I'll have much more time for myself and be able to be myself and make myself happy.

    While that is all good news, not all is good in my life. A few months ago I came out to my parents and they were accepting, they weren't super supportive but they said they wanted to see me happy and they knew i've been struggling with this for a long time. Well that was awesome, but when it slipped at dinner when my brother was home, everything went terrible. He called me all these names and said I should be committed cuz "no sane person would want to change like that". He stormed out and I was crushed, my mom comforted me and my dad tried to talk to my brother but it didn't really help. A few hours later, my brother called my dad and basically gave them an ultimatum. He said he would never come home as long as I was there presenting as a woman. This put my parents in a terrible position and I knew they were crushed and conflicted by what happened, so I made the decision to leave and find a place to stay for a while. I hate to see my parents suffer over this and i figure if I leave for a while maybe my brother will come around to understanding just a little, and I can stay in touch with them somehow. The only problem is finding a place to go and affording it.

    Well thats all I can think for an update right now. Im gonna try super hard to post more and become more a part of the community again. I've missed everyone and hope that whatever I post can help anyone.
  6. TiffanyS
    Sorry I was gone so long. I decided that I needed to get away for a little bit and get all my ducks in a row. It was really nice to really focus and get a plan together and start to work on that plan. Finances will always be a mess but I'm working on straightening that out. My family (those that know I will be transitioning) have been really supportive and have been looking out for my best interest.

    BIG NEWS: I finally got my prescription for hormones last friday. I was a little hesitant going in (it was just nerves I'm sure of it). The doctors were really nice and they explained everything to me. She set my up on a mixture of spironolact (testosterone blocker), estrodil (estrogen), and medroxypr (progestrone). After I got them all filled, which was an adventure in itself, I started taking them monday. All in all, I haven't really seen or felt any changes. Its nice to have the calming feeling and the testosterone blocker feels great. Im hoping in the next few months I will start seeing more and more results.

    Because of my lack of money, my electrolysis progress has kinda slowed. I used to go once a week for an hour at a time, but now I can only go every 2 or 3 weeks. Its not that expensive but the amount is still hard to deal with. The doctor bill came the other day too, which was a shock to find out how much that was. Almost $600 for blood testing and two doctors visits, seems a little outragous to me but I don't have much of a choice, I have to pay for it right. I have to go back in 3 months to make sure my body isn't reacting badly to the meds so hopefully I can handle those additional bills.

    On the bright side, I managed to get a second job. I still work as male (which is a bummer) but its pretty easy work. Its just a retail job where I get to work part time (about 20 hours per week). It doesn't pay the best but any additional money coming in will help. As the holiday season gets closer, I figure Ill get even more hours since christmas time is quickly approaching (which is something I really don't even want to start thinking about).

    Well thats all I really have right now. Not much has really been going on other than working a lot and trying to pay off debts and stuff. Thanks for thinking of me and thanks for reading like always

    <3

    Tiff
  7. TiffanyS

    Life outta control

    By TiffanyS,

    All i can say really is that I wish life was a WHOLE lot simplier.

    Recently I went to my brothers wedding (sadly as a male) and the wedding was great, the whole time I had a good time and it was nice to just let loose for a change and not really worry about all the problems in my life in general and with transitioning. Afterwards later that night I got a chance to reflect on everything and it made me really depressed. I have always enjoyed being with my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) and I just feel into a depression wondering how they would accept me (if at all) once i transition. Its scary to know that my mom and dad are supportive yet at the same time the rest of my whole family (brother included) could not be. So I started thinking the worst case scenerio where no one accepts me and the only connection I have to my family is through my mom and dad. I know many others also go through this and it sucks. I can't NOT transition just to keep a relationship with my whole family because then I myself am not truely happy. Ugh its just so frustrating.

    A few days after that all happened, I found out from my job that I was going to return to my orginal job. Not because I had done anything wrong or did a bad job, but just because I was the only one reliable enough to handle the job. The hours SUCK because there are no set hours, I get 32 hrs all on 3rd shift and am on call the other days which could be 1st or 2nd or 3rd shift. It throws my whole sleeping schedule off and makes me angry because then I can't really do anything because I am on call all the time. And the absolute WORST thing is because I am paid at the places where I work, I am basically getting a 3 dollar an hour pay cut. That is the absolute worst thing because right now I am still able to afford everything (somehow) and have a little money left over. It will become super tight on finances if I do not negotiate a raise because, lets face it, transitioning isn't cheap. While waiting to talk to my HR person about my situation, I started going around and applying at a lot of other places (some even as tiffany). I have yet to hear anything back from any place but I am hoping to hear something by next week.

    I haven't came online lately because Ive just become really frustrated with so many things that some of the little things have really set me off into a bad mood. I haven't been sleeping well and it could be for a variety of reasons, possibly my finances or the fact my doctors appointment for hormones is coming up or my job or this whole "double life" i've been living for the past um-some years is really starting to weigh on me.

    I feel like everything is just moving so fast around me. The next couple months are rediculously busy for me because it seems like everyone wants to do things in the fall. I have a bunch of family trips coming up, looking at schools to go back to in order to get my CNA or something, birthdays (mine and others), and i feel like the first time Ill finally get a weekend to myself itll be either halloween (which ill probably have to work during) or the weekend before thanksgiving. I know everyone says you should take time for yourself but it feels like its IMPOSSIBLE. I can't just turn real life off and say "im taking a day for myself" because well to me thats extremely rude to others. Another problem with being over scheduled is the fact that I am already dreading how I am going to afford the holidays. Like I feel like I am a passenger in a car that the driver is going dangerously fast and I can do nothing to stop it.

    Im hoping that things start to settle down like I thought they would after my brothers wedding and maybe my working 3rd shift will actually be better for me because I'll have a chance to really enjoy the night time and being by myself instead of surrounded by people.
  8. TiffanyS
    I know I haven't been transitioning as long as some other girls on here have been and I am still a long ways away from completing my transition but I was just going through my schedule and reading it and thought to myself, I've come a long way since I offically decided to start transitioning.

    Back in January of this year I finally decided to see a therapist about my gender struggles and my depression because I couldn't understand why I just didn't feel right about myself and have thought about becoming a woman a lot over my lifetime. I would always pass it off like it was a passing phase but soon realized that it was not. Then I began looking up information on how to transition, where to go, what to do, what do you need, so on and so forth.

    In March of this year, I finally got in and saw a therapist which was easily the BEST thing I had ever done in my life. She has been so amazing and helping me realize the person that I am and the person I want to become (even if others around me thought that it was wrong or she was trying to change me for her own purposes). It has been amazing discovering myself and feeling truely happy for a change.

    In june of this year, I started electrolysis and really have enjoyed seeing the results (not the sessions cuz they are a little uncomfortable lol). I couldn't believe after today what an impact it really has on my face and how quickly after only a few sessions you can see some major results. I am still a little bit away from only going once every two weeks but that time is rapidly approaching.

    When I first thought about transitioning, I thought it would take me over a year to finally get hormones but I was COMPLETELY off on that one. After only two months of seeing my therapist, she said that she would reccommend me for hormones in a heartbeat because I had thought everything out in my transition and was very stable for them. I wasn't ready that quick for them because it felt like a whirlwind but now I am ready and in a month I will start my hormone regimn.

    The next major step I am gonna be taking starting to look for a job as tiffany and go full time. My parents are supportive (well most, i haven't told my brother yet) and have said if it makes me happy they support me and my transition. The hormones and full time seem like the biggest step before the legally changing my name, and then getting ready for surguries, but I am ready to take that on and eager to see the changes.

    I thank everyone here for your love and support and everyone reading this as well. Transitioning takes its toll on us all. Some of us don't start because its too expensive or decide that they would lose to much. others start and decide that it isn't for them and live their lives the best way that they can. The last (like me and many of you on here) are bound and determined to transition no matter what the cost. I respect and love you all

    <3

    Tiff
  9. TiffanyS

    doctor's visit

    By TiffanyS,

    So today I had my doctor's appointment for hormones and I was really excited to go and talk to them about starting HRT. It was really insiteful and I was really happy with how I was treated and how nice everyone was. It was nice that they already had an idea of why I was at the clinic and what I was there to get, so that made me less nervous. All of the nurses treated me with respect and were really supportive.

    I was really happy that they answered all my questions and told me all about the pills I was going to be taking after I got my initial blood work done and everything. I was told I will probably be given the oral pills and be given a 3 pill "cocktail" of progestron, estrogen, and an antitestosterone. They said I only need to take the progestron for the first year and won't need to take it anymroe because the most breast growth happens over the first year of hrt (much like in puberty for girls) and the estrogen will make them grow a little more but not much.

    My next appointment is scheduled for September 24th and if all goes well there, then I will get my prescriptions and thatll make me super happy because then two weeks later will be my 27th birthday.

    Thanks for reading, I'll keep you all posted on more developments

    If anyone has gone through HRT or going through it and has advise for me, id love to hear about your experiences and stuff :)
  10. TiffanyS

    Curious

    By TiffanyS,

    So this weekend I had to deal with some not so nice situations and I figured Id blog about them and see what everyone else thought about it and I would love to hear responses from this entry.

    Anyways, during the 4th of july weekend earlier this year, my friends invited me out (tiffany actually) to enjoy the fireworks and hang out with them. Little did I know they had a blind date set up for me. I was super nervous but he was super nice and really treated me like a lady. I had seen him a few other times after that but we had never "done anything" if you know what I mean (for those who don't understand I meant like kissing or anything physical beyond holding hands). Well anyways this past sunday he called me and invited me out for a little date and I was really excited. So I got all ready and met him out. We first went to dinner and then were going to see a movie and while we were driving, he keep putting his hand on my leg and working his way up. At first I didn't realize what he was doing, but right about when his fingers were inches from my undies, i had to stop him and push his hand away. He didn't object but not 20 mins later he was doing it again. I was not looking for any kind of sexual encounter at all and I made it perfectly honest. Later after the movie (in which he tried it a couple more times) I confronted him about it asking why he wouldn't respect the fact I didn't want to fool around. He then told me how he thought all trans girls all wanted a sexual fling and not care about a relationship. He said stuff like because I was still partially male that I should have a male pattern of thinking and want sex just like a regular guy. This upset me really deeply and i started to cry thinking that people who know me just see me as a walking sex toy. He took me back to my car and I left right away without saying a word. Story note I was not dressed provocitavely. I was wearing a knee length jean skirt and a 3/4 sleeved top that didn't show clevage or that much. The outfit was a little form fitting but most women's clothing is.

    Later I called my friends who set me up with him originally and they were very supportive and said that they were sorry for setting me up with him in the first place. I talked to them for over an hour and then finally calmed down about the whole situation. I think I may have over reacted a little because it was the first time that anyone said anything to my face like that and also said im still partially male.

    My therapist told me a while ago how, when Im out on a date or at a club, I need to change my train of thinking. She said that women (ts or gg) are more like prey animals and we always need to be aware of this and be safe or else we can get ourselves in a bad situations. Sometimes Im just ni'eve and too trusting, but at the same time i don't want to be someone whos skeptical right away before anyone even has a chance to give me a first impression.

    Has anyone else ever had a situation like the one I went through or had heard something like my therapist said? How did you deal with it? What do you do to keep yourself safe? and most importantly How do you deal with jerks who think we are just exotic sex toys?

    Thanks for reading
  11. TiffanyS
    First of all, thank you so much for the confidence and comments on all of my entries so far, and to Carolinetyler your two cents are priceless in my book so you can give me your two cents whenever you feel like it .

    I figured its a friday so Id write a new blog entry, its kinda been a long time since I did so I thought itd be a fun idea. I've gotten a lot of confidence boosts since I wrote my last entry about the hurry up and wait. A lot of that has come from the comments I got from everyone here but there was a specific incident that helped me a lot too. SO I had a therapy session recently and my therapist thought it would be a good idea if we went out for coffee, rather than stay in her office. She wanted to see first hand how I reacted to social situations being totally a woman. She was completely shocked at how well I was able to sit and have a conversation with her. She asked me how I was feeling and how I was managing the stress of being in public. I was nervous but it was amazing how no one really realized I was trans, or if they did they didn't care. After a little bit, I had a woman come up to me and say hi. I was really nervous because she was a stranger and I thought that my therapist had set that up but when I looked at her, she looked nervous as well. So i said hi and she appologized for interupting our coffee but she wanted to know about my shoes. I wore some black heels that I got at burlington coat factory. After I told her about them she excused herself and said goodbye and was really polite. Also the whole time I was there, everyone refered me to as Miss, which I always like.

    Other than that, basically Im still waiting a little longer to start living fully as a female. Mostly is because of my brother's wedding which happens in september. When I told my parents earlier this year about my transitioning they were very supportive but they were concerned about his wedding and everything about that. So we decided together that I would wait 2 months and then I would really begin the process and start living closer to full time. I plan on telling my brother when he gets back from his honeymoon. The reason me and my parents have decided to wait is because I don't want to make a specitcal of myself at their wedding. It should be about them and no other distractions.

    I am still starting hormones in august, I figured they shouldn't affect my body too much in the course of 3 weeks that makes noticable changes in my apperance for my brothers big day and also continuing electrolysis, which will be I think my 5th session this coming week. I've really started noticing how much thinner my facial hair is getting and Im hoping towards the end of september or middle of october I wont have to go every week, cuz it does get a little expensive with that, therapy, hormones and all the other everyday expenses, but Im managing pretty good right now.

    Thanks everyone for watching my video blog on youtube as well (if you haven't seen it check out my profile to get the link to watch me ). I haven't taken a break from it yet but i've been having issues trying to post new videos, basically i just haven't liked how they've been turning out, but I will get more up.
  12. TiffanyS

    Spinning my wheels

    By TiffanyS,

    So recently i've taken some big steps in my transitioning process. Telling people in my family trying to figure out my finances and everything and getting ready for hormones. I decided that it would be a good idea to set up a time line in the future. I read it was a good idea on tsroadmap and thought i should do the same. I have it all laid out and if anyone wants to see it i would be happy to either post it or send it to their email. but thats not really the point why im writing this blog entry.

    Basically i feel like a lot of the transition process is a hurry up and wait kind of thing. Like i am trying to raise enough money so im not living paycheck to paycheck and to get ready to transition and save up money for srs and everything in case i can't get a job as a girl. Im in therapy and started electrolysis and just waiting another month till i can begin hormones. My big problem is that I really just want the transition period to go by very quickly. I know im being rather juvinle and kinda a brat but i just don't want to wait to see the results from the hormones. I want to be living as a full time woman with everything by the time im 30, which seems really quick because i turn 27 in october. I want to live my life as a woman as soon as possible because to be honest i really want my life to start now. Im sick and tired of living life as a gender that i do not associate with. I'm living my life as much as i can right now as a woman but its hard when you have to do sooo many steps to cover up your maleness.

    Thank you all for reading, i know i can be a little bit of a whiner or baby but i really don't have many other places to vent. thanks again

    <3

    Tiff
  13. TiffanyS
    After my last post, I have been trying to go out more and live my life as a woman and probably some of the most amazing things started to happen. First I started a video blog on youtube and I figured to myself that no one would watch it at all. To my shock and suprise I had a 100 people view it in the first two days. I almost jumped when I saw that. I've had a few people even subscribe to my channel so yay me. Its really started to make me feel better about myself.

    Next I have been living most of my life as a woman. I went grocery shopping later on in the day and had a great time. I know your probably thinking that im nuts cuz no one has fun grocery shopping, but I did cuz I was dressed and no one was giving me funny looks or saying nasty things to me or anything like that. Later at the cash register the young man working the register looked at me and without missing a beat he ask "Is plastic ok ma'am?" there was no stutter or hesitation or anything in his voice, he didn't look uncomfortable or anything. He just acted like I was another woman shopping for food.

    This whole experience has made me think that itll be a lot easier to transition than I thought. I just started my electrolysis and haven't even started hormones but yet people are still calling me miss and ma'am and I love it. Its really brought me out of a funk. The next thing I want to try to do is live an entire week as a female. Never changing out for any reason. I think the more I do that, the more confidence I will really begin to build in myself and really give me more of a drive to continue my transition.

    The only hurdle I still see myself having is the money issue. I know everyone has issues with it and everyone else has loans, credit card debt, car payments, and everything else under the sun. Ive just been trying to figure out the best way to accumulate money while still paying for everything I need. I'm nervous that I won't have enough money when it comes to my doctors appointment in august or not have enough money for hormones. I know I can keep my job for almost a year after starting hormones, unless I am a rare case where my breasts grow at a rediculous rate. I think that while waiting for my body to develope a female form, I can grow my hair to my desired length.

    Anyways thanks for reading my blog, I'll post something else fairly soon. I am working on two books at the moment. Maybe that would be a way to really get some money coming in. The first is a teenage love story about a boy and girl (boy kinda based on how i was growing up sans the gid) and the other book is a biography on me and my transitioning experience.

    Tiff
  14. TiffanyS

    A little down

    By TiffanyS,

    As of march of this year I finally decided that living as a male was no longer an option to me. I have struggled with my gender ever since I really new what the difference between boys and girls was. I always played with more girls than boys growing up and never saw a problem with wanting to play with barbies over playing baseball. I have slowly started down this road and have taken some big steps but at the same time feel like the road ahead stretches endlessly. I told my parents and they were suprisingly accepting of me wanting to transition. My mom had known for quite a while (ever since she had found numerous female clothing in my closet over the years) and seemed more relieved when I finally decided to tell my dad because she felt like she was keeping a secret from him. The one thing they told me was "they would rather have a live daughter than a dead son." That almost made me cry.

    I started electrolysis earlier this month and it has been going well. It is a little pricy but the lady that does it is extremely nice and caring and always makes sure I am doing alright with it. I am starting hormones in two months and am really nervous about it. I don't know how quickly they will affect my body and how my body will react (if at all) to them. I, like all transitioning mtf, hope that they will slow some of my body hair growth (arms, legs, chest,& all that) and I hope to grow breasts that I can at least accentuate a little.

    I've started looking for other TG/TS/TV people to hang out with and talk to and I have joined a support group that I attend (whenever I can because of working) but I've started to get a little down on myself. I try to look as good as I can but when I see other TG/TS/TV that are living full time, I just get a little down because I don't think I look near as good as them. I think I just need more confidence and all that. I can walk around town dressed and no one says a word to me or rarely ever get people who stare, but I still think I don't look good. Maybe when I grow out my real hair or the hormones soften my skin I'll feel better about myself but until then Im not sure what to think.
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