PlagueBubonic

I 've learned somethings in the past years that I like to share; it is this, it's not how a person looks on the outside; but how they project the inside look out- ward. What I mean by this, is your heart condition; love must come through. It doesn't matter if you are drop dead gorgeous, if the inside is rotten. Now that I am 51 years old, and not drop dead gorgeous; people are accepting because I'm projecting love. This is no matter how they treat me, or what they call me. I finally see that if you treat someone with respect, kindness, and love you will get it back ten fold. Yes I know, the cliché "never judge a book by its cover," however we all do that, and yes I agreed that are appearance is important; what I'm getting after is even more benifical; the heart condition. Please understand, I'm not trying to hurt anyone; I'm trying to help by sharing some of the steps I have taken in my journey of transition. This post is meant to inspire not tear down, give hope, and courage. But above all it is to tell my story. These are my steps and if they can help someone who might be struggling; that's what I wish to do! Furthermore, the helping other is another step, and so is showing mercy to yourself, and others. OMG I just gave out four steps!! Now you and I can progress down the transition highway together. LOL And if you wish (whoever you are) we don't have to travle the highway alone. You help me, and I help you. PS... Ms. Lori, I'm soooooo greatful to you for the nice comments you have said, thanks very much and keep spreading the love; just like peanut butter!! LOL OhOhOh, wait I forgot, how to show mercy to yourself; what I did is I went to the mirror and told myself, "it's ok to fail; I still love you!!!" Then I gave myself a big hug. I no sounds silly, but it worked for me! Peace Out all >^.^<

The most traumatic experience of my life happened about a year ago. It darn near destroyed me! For the first time in my life I was convicted of a serious crime. I had to plead guilty to one count of attempted perjury this cost me five years of my life and $200,000.00 in restutition. However, on the bright side it is also given me a new beginning. It is help me to become truthful about who and what I am. I intend to use this experience as a starting point in my life. I will never surrender! People expected me to commit suicide, I even plan it out and took serious steps to achieving that goal. This conviction has cost me everything I've lost it all. The only thing I did not lose was my family they stood by me and are still standing by me. Even the Elders in my X church; all have shunned me. This is due to two reasons, first the conviction of the crime, next coming out of the closet; letting them know I am a woman in a man's body. I understand that there believes will not let them except me. So when I say I lost it all; I mean everything monetarily and spiritually I've truly hit rock bottom. And this all happened last year. But I will never surrender nor given to feelings of worthlessness. I guess you could say I learned the hard way through "the school of hard nocks." But then I realized this LIFE STARTS NOW! This has now changed me for the better for now I look for the path of least resistance and get on it. I have learned to stop fighting, and start loving. I now see how love will coucur all obstacles! I intend to use love, and spread it around just like peanut butter!!! LOL Please understand I am not special (unique yes.) So if I can still stand after all this that has happened to me SO CAN YOU; NEVER SURRENDER!!!! If you wish; I will be your friend, and will not abandon you I will love, and accept you just the way you are.......BEAUTIFUL. Peace Out =^.^=

First I want to say, please don't pity me thanks. When I was borned my mother dress me as a girl; she always wanted a little girl. So for the first nine years of my life thats all I knew;dresses, Barbies,and being mommy's little girl. Then things changed in a hurry for me with out a explanation ( I mean in a matter of days.) My mother burned all my girl stuff all of it. Then replaced them with boys clohtes I did not understand why? I guess it was because, I started public school? Please understand I do not hate her for this. Now that I am older I am just trying to figure this out and I can't ask her why for is dead. In fact all my family is dead so I can not get answers to this and other questions. As I was growing up I had to learn english and stop dressing up as a girl this was very difficult for me.I love to dressup; but, I had to be mommy's little man now. This when on till I hit age 12 then I became very violent and thought this is how to get respect from people? (act out instead of talk out.) My behaviour got me thrown out on the streets.So think about it 12-13 years of age,alone, scared and no where to go? This is when I learned about friends (so called) one of my friends raped me. Sorry this is getting hard to write. This why I would like to be accepted and not tolerated. Let me give a scenario of why I thought violence was the right path to take. I only remember bits and pieces of my past. However this one stands out; one of my little girl friends gave a white dress it was very pretty and I wore it to school one day. Remember this time period was late 1960's. I was beat bloody and my dress was distroyed by my class mates. This is just an example not a excuse of poor behaviour. I'll continue a little later this is bring up many bad memories, but if can help someone that is struggling then my life will not be a waste.