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KarenPayne

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Blog Entries posted by KarenPayne

  1. KarenPayne

    What a twist

    By KarenPayne,

    Facebook did it's thing and did a life event for my ex-wife as seen in the snapshot below. The first reply is her sister (whom I am actually friends with on Facebook) and the second her. Of course she married me but not as Karen lol.
     
  2. KarenPayne
    Had one of those elevator discussions today, was waiting for the elevator and two female co-workers asked me what I thought about C Jenner, got that over with and then spilled over to “it’s a man’s world” which slid into my story of how after over ten years teaching firearm, impact and edge weapon self-defense that the main source of teaching dried up because of my transitioning. I also told them that perhaps in the back of my mind (and they agreed) I needed to teach and continually train because after transitioning it might take a down turn, which as I just mentioned it has.
    That is no different than many trans people who give up so much more and I feel fortunate that this is the only thing in my transitioned that suffered. With that, giving up teaching self-defense over more than a decade has left a huge hole in my world so I did indeed gave up a good deal.
    I have been thinking over the past few months once I am fully recovered it will be time to look at putting together a DVD teaching the basics of self-defense targeting the softer gender against the more powerful gender. Many instructors teach to the mass, meaning more to male vs male and only partly for females being attacked by males. My bet this has not been widely done but do know of three or four female instructors that teach this yet you need to be in training at their dojo and pay big bucks. My strategy is to look into a no frills approach which shows several common attacks and how to defend against them that does not rely on strength but instead body mechanics. Show the attack, dissect the attack and show in slow motion several times then at close to full speed how to counter the attack.
    Another idea I have is to take this on the road, perhaps get people in different states to ask their support groups if they would sponsor an eight hour class which would be low cost if I can get someone to host me for my stay and feed me. This way everyone benefits.
    The majority of techniques taught will be empty hand and will introduce people to the use of small flashlights and tactical pens to supplement their defense. For those who use a cane I am well versed in teaching self-defense with a cane.
    Note, besides the elevator chit-chat I received a new tactical pen manufactured by a fellow instructor I met back around 2004 in Florida during a master instructor week long class. Tactical pens are great tools for self-defense. One can pick up one on the low-end for about twenty-five dollars while mine generally are range from just under one-hundred to close to two-hundred dollars but the average person need not spend that kind of money for a good tactical pen. Also, tactical flashlights are great too for self-defense and in my honest opinion one should never leave home without a flashlight after dark which is something I discuss when teaching. Bottom line, scumbags despise the light, they enjoy preying on the weak and the innocent from the dark, they don’t want to be seen so I say “light them up”.  
    Note, I can not stress enough that having a tool with little training doubles your chances of escaping an attack. For me (and I have done this) I use them for defense, compliance and restraint. Once you see me with a simple pen against a large attacker and what can be done it generally inspires students with greater confidence.
    Some of my tactical pens and flashlights. Top pen is one I show for what not to carry as it has a point that can stab and we want not to stab but to hit places were skin is close to bone. Next two are my favorite, the second from top runs about $80 while the third from top is about $300. Fourth one down is about $25 and works great. Fifth down from the top I just got in the mail today runs $125. Last item is a flashlight which I carry 24/7 for both illumination and defense. On the right is a flashlight I carry when wearing a jacket and have a second one next to my bed. 

  3. KarenPayne

    Time passes

    By KarenPayne,

    It's been away since visiting this site and would have been longer accept for getting several email messages for posts I have subscribed too.
    The main reason for not being here is life is good and with nearly three years post-op I go months without even thinking about transgenderism. It use to be a daily thought because is took time for my new life to settle in.
    What's not to like? Well when out in the backcountry of Oregon with the Miata club I drive with when there are no port-a-potties sometimes finding a decent place to relieve myself is not always easy. Explaining to a gynecologist, nope I have not had a hysterectomy, see page three of my application (notes I'm transgender), "Oh I'd never guess".
    Lessons to others, if you do have full surgeries to become the inner you then and do it right (which granted is not always easy) by pre-planning and learning to adjust/fit in you have a good chance to get to that place where you have days that not being a cisgender female never crosses your mind. People (friends) who know will give say things like "you are such a girl" and you have that inner glow.
    In closing, one of the best things happened to me recently, my son called and said "Karen" I'm planning a trip to Oregon (he lives in California) can I stay over for a night? Day one here we spent the day together which included a run in my Miata, did lunch and dinner along with talking about stuff. Never called me Dad, always Karen. This was the first time he has seen me since my surgery other than photos I've sent him. All in all no downsides to his stay for two days. My daughter is also accepting of my transition but since she is on the East Coast it's mostly talking on the phone. Last time she saw me was one year before my transformation. So I'm a happy woman now and hope the best for those on their own journey not matter the path. 
     
  4. KarenPayne
    There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled.

    Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.
  5. KarenPayne

    Use it or lose it

    By KarenPayne,

    You hear about men and woman as they grow old have less desire for making love or masterbastion, one day it's all we can think about then it's gone for the most part. Then there are others who never go down this path. Nothing wrong to be in either camp.
    When still a male I was pretty much a sexual creature until around 2007 where I was repulsed using my penis. I became asexual, would masterbate while tucked, never looking down. It was not easy to come to orgasm with everything tucked away but after ten to twenty minutes was done and very satisfied. I did this once a week where before 2007 I was having sex several times a week, I think more than anything else was more interested in how hormones were affecting me as I heard that in some cases the sex drive goes away or is less than prior to hormones.
    After GRS I have been with several partners but other than one man and two woman not much there is regards to orgasm. I heard that it takes six to eight months to be able to obtain orgasm which is my current time frame.
    Last night I got simulating thoughts going through my brain, ended up very excited for roughly an hour until it was to the point I felt like I need a partner which I called on one and was great. This morning I was thinking about last night and ended up pleasuring myself and before I knew it two hours had passed and had to forcefully stop myself. Took a shower and got onto the computer. As I am writing this paragraph the tingling is there again but must refrain because I have an appointment for hair coloring in another hour.
    Okay, with all the above out, there have been times between January and now that I could not get aroused and thought I was getting to be one of those who lost it from not using it enough, using it, by that I mean the brain not what is below the belt. I get so busy sometimes that I ignore my sexual desires and that is not wise so now I am not going to let this happen anymore.
    Hopefully for those who will be transitioning via surgery both before and after surgery will not let your sex appetite be lost. 
     
  6. KarenPayne
    I was watching a television show called "American Odyssey" where men in the show (in North Africa) are walking around in robes. I stopped and thought, wow, I have completely forgotten what it's like to have male parts swaying around between my legs and it has been just over four months since those parts went away. Now I can't fathom this at all, what was it like, nope, no memories. I think part of it was that after 2013 I was tucked 98 percent of the time as I could not bear to things moving around between my legs. I honestly thought about the above for a good 30 minutes and zilch.
    Thinking of my new breast, I am guessing in time the same will happen, can't remember what it was like to be flat chested.  
    In the end not remembering things from the past is yet more closure  
  7. KarenPayne

    Casual sex

    By KarenPayne,

    Well as most know it's not easy to meet someone even as cis-gender. I know from when I was male and attempted to lead that life. Pretty much had a girlfriend after my divorce from 2000 to 2012 but the majority of them were in another town, Portland which is a 20 minute drive or out in the sticks, closer but not much better. I always wanted to have a relationship with a female that was close to home but that never happened. I was not into casual sex but wanted to be in some type of relationship.
    From 2012 until three months or so ago I realized the same thing was true, hard to find a man or female close by that I was attracted too and could speak intelligent, hold a decent conversation.
    So over the past month I have been "playing the field" for both genders. I found one female that I get along fine with and the same with one man. 
    Had to weed out a lot of people just to find these two and not fully committed to either one, guess I am a tad bit picky and have the right to be.
    I met a man last night at a bar, and I was horny and was not looking for anything past a casual encounter. Well I really hit the jackpot with this one, he was such a gentleman the entire night. Went back to his place and was taken back a bit to see his package, I did not measure but think it was eight inches and safe to say I made sure he made good use of it several times.  He was the first man that know more than three positions and was very happy about that along with my pleasure came first. After the first go-around I laid there pleasuring myself which in turn got him ready again and it was great yet another time. 
    Oh, with a long penis comes a wider penis and I had zero issues other than the length at some points was hitting against the back wall but what would a girl to think a eight inch penis is going to make it back there without knocking the back wall which is why other positions are good for a penis that length. Girls, in this case size did matter, especially width as I have little sensation there and a ton of sensation in my clit that can keep going and going, makes my body shake and toes curl in a great way.
    I should mention that after telling him about my past it was not a problem. He did say at first, you are playing a joke on me, I can't believe you were once male. I feel it's important to disclose to someone that you might get intimate with about one's past but if not and never plan too than mums the word.   
  8. KarenPayne
    Seems Comcast has taken down all personal web sites without notifying me and this is were I stored pictures. The majority of these pictures are only stored there. So all pictures I have posted here will not show.
    I called into Comcast and at this point they are clueless but I did a Google search and it appears that they discontinued the personal web sites yet the Comcast help desk person has no clue to this.
    PISSED BIG TIME
    Just got off the phone with Comcast and they said they would have a tech look into this. If I can get my images back I will purchase space on a provider's site that will allow me to create a home page along with having the ability to provide links to images so that they can be viewed on other sites such as this one. I am not holding my breath here, just wishful thinking that they can get me my images.  
  9. KarenPayne
    The following has no real train of thought (dang female hormones ) but this is what's up

    Just received my packet from Doctor Bower, have started filling in forms and making appointments for EKG and HIV testing. Three weeks to go to formalization on name change. Going through the list of items I need to take with me to California and see that I need a ample supply of KY jelly. I decided to do NetFlix subscription, as being there for two weeks will need something to do when unable to get around. I know it’s getting real when just about every night I imagine myself being rolled into the room for surgery. Booked room for stay, normally $200 per night (yikes), discount rate is $155 which is $2000 total and I am use to places that charge (in my area) half that price, sure wish I had people in the area.

    Photos for the hotel.

    On the home front, I am picking up my final letter for surgery and document for name change/gender approval next Friday. Tomorrow I meet with my legal friend to get back money and Sunday off to purchase luggage as my current luggage is old and beatup or use UPS Luggage Shipping where they supply you with a cardboard suitcase then again I may not, will have to see.

    Just returned from the post office and made my payments of $28,000 for surgery. The cashier at the bank said, can I help you mam? Gave her my driver licence which is still my male one and afterwards stayed with mam.
  10. KarenPayne

    Mental well-being

    By KarenPayne,

    At my last therapist appointment, she learned that the printer was out of ink and would mail my letter out. She also mailed a copy down to Marci Bower, which I am grateful. I would have been okay if I never read the letter but just the same happy to read her assessment and fully agree with her assessment. Reading “This client is an attractive, bright 57-year old transsexual woman” made me smile.

    Sometime ago we discussed continual appointments after surgery. She had mentioned that some never come back after they get their letter. My thought is that anyone who goes through a life-changing event no matter how mentally stable they are needs to keep an open mind and continue their visits with their therapist. I made an appointment for 6 weeks after surgery and if all goes fine I will still make follow up appointments say three months out then assess how I am doing plus her assessment.

    I have read posts on the web from people who are post-op that they become depressed, unhappy or uneasy. My thoughts at this time, not me but you never know.

    I hope that others who follow the same path I am will take this to heart that we need support and do not take it upon themselves to say “I will get through this by myself”.
  11. KarenPayne

    Indelible

    By KarenPayne,

    Two years ago, I decided that I was going to transform so one of my first real steps was with tattoos. Any tattoo I had done was well thought out and no thought of any being even remotely male centric. The image below shows several on my shoulder and several on my neck. Besides those, I have several below the waist in front and (horrors) a tramp-stamp on my backside although I deplore it being called a tramp-stamp. These tattoos not only provide strength and comfort but also mark a time of never going back to being a male. As a side note I had my eyebrows and eyelids done by a specialist with this type of work and brows were shaped no different than a female with my facial structure. After SRS I am getting my final tattoo, the design is still a work in progress but know it will be one a marker for remembering who I really am.

    I know there are many who consider marking one’s body with ink is bad but for me it means so much more than some ink making an indelible mark on me.




  12. KarenPayne
    I am going to be short here and write more later.

    Arrived at hospital for check-in at 6AM then taken back to undress and have a few test and various people coming in to explain things to me. Marci arrived around 7:30AM and drew on my throat. About 8:15 was wheeled into the operating room and put under. As I suspected I remember nothing, awake at around 3:30PM. Taken to my room and left there for about 10 minutes which time a nurse came in indicating she was on shift for one hour and another nurse would take her place. The second nurse explained to me that all nurses attending to me are well versed in the taking care of people who have gone thru the same as me and it shows :-)

    Pain level range 0-10 where 10 is high, I am hovering between 1 and 2 and should note, I am inherently not good with pain but over many years learned how to control pain thus level 1 to 2 might be for others 4-6.

    Trachea shave from running my fingers over it feels like it is completely gone. Vagina, will see when my packing is removed down the road.
  13. KarenPayne
    Something's that you may not consider when having gender reassignment surgery is the after cost. Personally I can afford (others may not) the various types of feminine pads, ultra-light thin Always, Always dailies and let’s not forget Tampax. Other items such as douche (limited usage but good to have and have only used it two times since surgery) and vaginal moisturizer. Then let’s not forget about lubrication for dilation.

    Right after surgery I was going through two four oz. of KY then tampered down to one container then went back up again as I would use the mid-size dilator to prime for the larger one. Now I am down to less than one 4 oz. tub per day. Four ounces of KY averages around five dollars but have also seen it for much more. Get the generic as I do and pay less than half the price of the genuine product.

    For pads you will need a lot in the beginning but as time goes by rather than six a day it gets down to one or two a day. Tampax are good for eight hours and with that said would not use them when going to bed at night if you sleep eight hours or more. A cisgender female may chime in with their thoughts on some of the usage yet a cisgender female will be different than a person transitioning from male to female. The cost of pads is not that bad but I suggest looking for deals. I found a deal on Always, get 108 pads for the price of 50 pads so I purchased two of them as I know full well they will be used. Do not bother with maxi-pads, at least for me I purchased a box for after surgery along with a mid-size pad, never touched the maxi-pads, instead gave them away to one of the hotel employees who would stop in and visit me at night when things slowed down.

    Another thing, get panties that have a wide gusset as this is more comfortable than a narrow gusset. My friend got me some thongs and just this week tried them out. They do make pads for thongs so you can go with them after a month or so after surgery but not before.

    Anyways thought this topic needed to be written about so others taking this journey realize there is a good deal of cost after surgery that you may not have considered.
  14. KarenPayne
    Several months ago I wrote about a person who had a botched surgery where the outcome was rectovaginal fistula. My part was simply support prior to surgery and assist if needed with dilation processes.
    Well after just over a week out of the hospital I pretty much ended my involvement with her as she was taken back in for corrective surgery and have not spoke to her.
    Last night at a bar, several cross-dressers met, we were having a great time then she walked in, sat down, we all said hello. She did not look happy, matter of fact she never looks happy since I've met her.
    Every single person I've met before surgery was either happy or not happy because they wanted surgery. After surgery all but this one was very happy.
    So I asked how she was doing, she lifted up her top and said this is her until February, it's a colostomy bag. She said it needs to be emptied 7 to 8 times a day.
    About an hour after that she walked off, we didn't know where she went. Shortly afterwards I said goodbye to everyone as I had things to get done for a trip to Washington State. On the way out I saw her sitting by herself looking very sad but knew if I asked why I would be stuck there. When I got home she had posted on Facebook that we were not a problem, she was.
    This to me is a huge red flag and although I don't truly know her think she is heading down a dark path.
    Did the transformation in regards to bottom surgery cause unhappiness? I don't believe it did, instead there is much more going on but not being a professional have no clue to what is troubling her.
    Is there a lesson here? May be, may be not, I would like people to think through what the outcome will be after they have corrective gender surgery as it may not be the life one believed it should be. You have to have realistic expectations else you may be playing with your life.
     
     
  15. KarenPayne

    Facebook

    By KarenPayne,

    I was contemplating on what I should do for Facebook, create a new account or change the current male one so I created a new one but then thought that this is going to be tough getting friends over to the new account and stopped after creating the new female account last week.

    While surfing through my male account yesterday I decided to delete the new female account and change the male account to female via gender option then changed from my male name to my female name. Walked away and upon coming back a while later had several people had messaged me, some saw it coming while others did not but so far all are supportive of the change which includes former girlfriends.

    One thing I have been monitoring is friend count, see if any unfriend me but so far none have which I am thankful for. If any do unfriend me that is their choice which I respect but also realize they were never my friend in the first place.

    Anyways one of my things is not to simply accept people as friends for the heck of it like some do, instead I only allow those whom I think will be friends, are fellow instructors and/or have common interest.

    There is one woman I met on My Space, always wanted to date her, in my eyes she is simply hot which does not mean the best looking woman out there, instead I am simply attracted to her and let her know that. We never met but over time became friends in a different way and then when moving to Facebook she friended me. I was pleasantly surprised to find her as one of the first friends to like my note that I was now female, gave me a warm feeling.

    Another woman whom I feel that we have met in other lives (and she actually was the one who brought this up) and dated also made it known we will always be friends. Funny thing about her while in bed together after making love she says (don't remember the exact words as this was back in 2006) "In a former existence I was the male and you were the female, married and very happy" and thought that was interesting that she firmly believed I was female before. About six months ago I told her I wanted to chat with her over the phone. She gave me her phone number (saying in case you don't have it anymore, which I did) and said give me a call tomorrow. I called her, we chatted for awhile then told her what was going on. There was a slight pause then she came back and said, I will kill you if you look better than me and then said, well we should go out shopping sometime. Talked for about an hour and felt really good that we could do this.

    I did get a few messages from various friends that had many questions which I am still need to reply too as there were many but all positive.

    Two of the people who congratulated me are national figures in the world of teaching self-defense and actually was surprised that one did message me while the other one I had no doubt.

    Looking back several months I would had never guessed this announcement would had been so positive and happy it has gone well.
  16. KarenPayne

    Missed resources

    By KarenPayne,

    Went to pick up my regular prescriptions from the local pharmacy, the lady behind the counter called for the manager before handing over my prescriptions. He comes up and says, would you mind me changing our records to reflect your current gender? I said thought it was (and then thought back, sure enough I never did).
    I replied with "yes", done deal. He said, wow how times flies, I remember when you first started out and back then I didn't have a beard, look at me now lol.
    Then I went for an MRI (shoulder problem), yeek, they had me done as male, the person assisting me said I can see that is not true anymore and updated my records.
    All in the span of one week, here I slipped up and missed two local resources for over two years.
    So my point is, you may believe all your bases are covered when changing your gender but as I learned two were missed hence passing this along for others to consider "did I miss updating my gender someplace?"
     
     
  17. KarenPayne

    Girls night out

    By KarenPayne,

    Several months ago I mentioned being invited for a girl’s night out at work but never materialized until last night. We planned on five of us meeting at a nice upscale local bar inside of a prestigious hotel at 5PM while myself and one other of the woman started early at 3:30PM. The two of us chatted about of all things manicures and pedicures for about thirty minutes until another of the ladies arrived at around 4PM followed by a third not soon afterwards while the last one arrived at 5PM.
    While four of us where there one said think of this as Vegas, what happens and is said here stays here. So that lead into various chats about other people at work which where both positive and negative. After several drinks were consumed things got way crazy and fun. I told them a story about one of my co-workers whom I have been working with for 18 years who still calls me Kevin purely by accident now and then. He did this over the past two days and with two new people in our group so it came to a head and I said to the new employees, guess you figured out what’s going on. They looked up and said no. I said prior to January of this year I was male. Got the typical response, I had no idea. When finished telling the story to the ladies they said if they were in the new employees shoes they would not had guessed I was male before. Next thing I see, it’s almost 8PM so myself and two others leave while the last two are waiting for rides from their husbands.
    I love the next part, I am wearing all black, top and skirt and while walking out of the bar I am getting men turning to look at me and just before exiting the bar one man gives me a nice big smile. Walking out I realized that one does not simply get looks at that moment but would guess they had been looking at me while sitting down with my friends. That was indeed a good feeling to be noticed this way.
    So I will chalk this up to a great evening.
     
     
  18. KarenPayne

    Cancer

    By KarenPayne,

    So I'm going at this with no prior thought other than I need to write about two woman I know.
    Three weeks ago a good friend of mine was sitting in her living room and one of her dogs kept sniffing and licking her one breast. She ignored it until the dog kept doing it for two days. Had a mammogram done and sure enough cancer and to note, it runs in her family. Several days ago had surgery and being the brave person she is posted photos so that people think more of what can happen rather than simply thinking of a pink ribbon. She had ups and downs after surgery but seems to be doing okay now.
    Then today, another friend (and in the same circle of friends) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a mammogram done shortly after the woman above.
    Statistically speaking a woman passes every three to five minutes in the world from breast cancer.
    We are not immuned from breast cancer so if you have breast that were induced by hormones get them boobies checked out and have it done regularly.
    Above I indicated they are in the same circle, the three of us are defensive tactics instructors were an outstanding master (he has way too many things to list here) and we are all family from Oregon, Florida and Atlanta.
  19. KarenPayne

    Facebook tips

    By KarenPayne,


    Facebook
    Before and after surgeries I used the same Facebook profile, changed my handle and did the following which I consider tips for those who are transitioning
    When Facebook suggest reposting old post, review comments first for any references to your old identity e.g. someone said "Hey Kevin" while now I'm Karen, get the hint. Move old identity photos to a hidden folder or delete them. I elected to place the photos into a hidden folder. Now I do realize many will elect to have one current profile and one for their secret identity, me, I recommend one profile, get it out there and be proud.
  20. KarenPayne
    So I finally had intercourse today which upfront I told the man I was not interested in dating or a relationship as he is into me but he needed to know I am not letting this going any farther and he is fine being friends and having this time together today.
    I was very happy in regards to me able to accommodate him as he was larger than average so that means for those reading this that the larger dilator does allow for larger size penises. He did everything right to arouse me, took his time and I let him know I was ready (was kind of hard to miss me panting and so forth). Afterwards we laid there for a while embracing the moment.
    I still don't have much of any sensation inside but I do have a fair amount of sensation in regards to my clit. We went through various positions rolling around which was much more than I expected so that was a bonus.
    Right before leaving we agreed to do this again in a couple of months, something in the fall.
    Lastly, guess I am bi-sexual for the time being  
  21. KarenPayne
    As many know, I had this performed with my gender reassignment surgery. I was told it would take about one year for full transparency and at three months post surgery I had this one tiny bump that had been bothering me. Well today I was wiping my neck from sweating as it's just under 100 degrees here and it dropped off with no visible telltale signs that is was even there.
    Just like any surgery these things take time and so happy that this happened now rather than down the road. 
    This goes along with my (use to be) un-favorite topic of dilation which today is a walk in the park. Sadly I have heard there are some who paid for gender reassignment surgery that are interested in men that fail to listen to surgeon's instructions to dilate and learn to late that things close up and not usable.
    Back to tracheal shave, ever time I look in the mirror or at pictures of myself in recent times vs prior to the shave it makes all the difference in the world, a second only to a decent female voice. So if you have a protruding Adam's apple and going for gender reassignment surgery I highly recommend having this procedure done.
    Check out pre and post photos here http://marcibowers.com/mtf/mtf-services/tracheal-shave/
     
  22. KarenPayne
    For a while now I have been wanting to get involved in the LGBT community teaching practical self-defense and if there is an audience to teach advance self-defense. With that said if anyone is aware of groups or events for 2016 that I can contact or they can contact me please let me know be in East or West Coast.
    I have a strong background teaching practical empty-hand and impact tactics along with firearms if the need is there I can even combine class and get into walking cane and baton tactics also. 
  24. KarenPayne

    At the movies

    By KarenPayne,

    I went to see Lone Survivor at one of the local movie theaters this afternoon dressed appropriate for the weather in a black skirt, white top and ankle boots. While waiting in line at the ticket counter to retrieve my debt card from my handbag I noticed two American Express cards and no debt card. Up to that point I was fully composed but then waves of hot flashes started, where my debt card was, do not want to use my AMEX card. So I stepped out of line to search my handbag and the debt card is nowhere in sight yeek. While doing this out of the corner of my eye I notice a man staring at me, took a quick glance and he smiled at me. Got back in line and reluctantly used my American Express card. The cashier told me I had a free small popcorn today woohoo. I waited in line for about five minutes, got my popcorn then went and sat down. Not a minute later the man who was watching me sat down two seats from me which seemed odd as the theater had plenty of seats. So throughout the movie which was suppose to be enjoyable all I can think about is the man and my debt card, both put a dammer on watching the movie. Once the movie was over I raced home and low and behold my debt card was on my kitchen counter. If it was not the only place it could had been was at the nail salon I was at yesterday and would had gone back in need be.

    Any ways my reason for mentioning this is that I did not allow any of the bad things to cause a breakdown of my female persona, only the idea that my debt card was missing and the man reviewing me. If not for the movie, I may have been okay with the man watching me but not today. I truly believe he saw me as a female and was not seen as a male in female clothes <_<
  25. KarenPayne
    Background, I was fortunate to have a lot of support with my transition, friends and acquaintance where there for me. As many here know not everyone is lucky enough to have support before and after gender reassignment surgery and believe that if possible nobody should go through this alone.
    With that said, this week cumulates several months of assisting a male to female person to their surgery this Thursday. When I first started off with them they had a good deal of dysphoria and not happy about going through the past few months and surgery itself by themselves. They would stay home a lot which I felt was not good for their mental health and got her to get out and do things. Over the past few weeks purchased needed items for them needed for post-op life the week after returning home e.g. K-Y products and many misc. items that some people don't think about or might be told they will need (Marci Bowers was my surgeon and had pretty much everything laid out for what I would need in detail).
    So at 4:30 AM on Thursday I am driving her up from Salem Oregon to Portland Oregon for surgery which is estimated to be roughly four hours and be there for her afterwards along with stopping by on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
    During preparations for her surgery I also had her prepare for aftercare once leaving the hospital which lead to her talking to the few friends she has to bring her meals and check up on her from time to time (I will be checking in on her often as I work ten minutes away).
    This will be my third time assisting someone and know that it makes a difference when I walk into their room to find them without anyone to be with them their eyes light up when I walk in the room.
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