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eveannessant

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  1. eveannessant

    Goodbye

    By eveannessant,

    I've made the decision to stop blogging on this site, there are two reasons for this the first is I have run out of things to say that have any real trans relevance, because living life as a trans woman has become so normal after my transition 8 months ago and taking oestrogen for over two and a half years. The second reason is, I suspect that many UK trans issues are different from within the US where most of the site membership seems to belong to. This is evidenced by the lack of comments and likes from some quarters to my comments and blog entries, this lends a rather parochial appearance in my eyes. To those of you who who do not fit that description, I am sorry to be leaving, and I'll miss you.
    Eve
  2. eveannessant
    I watched I am Cait series 2 epsiode 1 last night, it's the first one that I've watched, it was shown on a TV channel called E, which I think is new to the UK. Anyway I had wanted to watch Caitlyn Jenner shows for quite a while but they were not shown in the UK until recently.
    The episode that I watched was some sort of road trip and seemed to centre around the grand canyon, she had a group of around 10 transgendered friends with her, but I just could not believe her attitude to hearing any political views other than her own. The debate seemed to spring up after one of the group read out news about transgendered people being stopped from using the correct toilets by republican politicians and religious people. Caitlyn seemed to think it was the correct thing to do !!!! She also slagged off democrat politicians too. Please keep her in the US, I really don't want her over here, even if she has placed trans issues in the public eye, not supporting going to the correct toilet is bad for all of us, and sends out a totally wrong message. 
    US political party's seem to bear great similarities to ours, although admittedly not identical. In a similar fashion over here it's easy for those rich people (born with a silver spoon in their mouths or just good at ripping people off? - few have gotten rich by being hard working and fair at the same time) to vote for issues that benefit themselves, they've never been anything other than rich or lived on easy street's gravy train. It was our Labour party over here who gave UK LGBT people most all of our present rights, the conservative party have done very little for us other than same sex marriage in some churches where the vicar (or whatever equivalent devil dodger in some other branches of the church) isn't anti-everything other straight heterosexual  partnerships.
    Anyway, I won't be watching Caitlyn Jenner again...............
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
  3. eveannessant
    I have posted entries before regarding things that I did't see coming, added comments to others entries about hormones and consequently thinking differently. I have read (somewhere on the web) about the indigenous peoples of North America accepting trans people as twice blessed, and other cultures around the world having similar attitudes. It strikes me as strange that some of the religions around today, seem to have leading lights that refuse to accept trans people, and also villify us. Perhaps I should have titled this entry "beware people bearing crosses", ..............anyway I've digressed.
    It seems to me that the North American indigenous population were quite right, I am now starting to realise that I have gained extra knowledge, that if I hadn't transitioned, I otherwise wouldn't possess, ok, of course you would, so what did I expect, I hear you thinking. Well I never really gave much thought, in as much as it never occurred to me, how females would be mentally and subtly so different from males, sometimes massively so, other times only nuances of difference. Of course not all cis females think the same, nor do cis males, nor for that matter do all trans people think the same, but they have all had their eyes opened if they have been exposed to the hormones missing from their birth gender, for long enough.  However, unlike the cis population I now understand more than one gender alone, - if I ever was one gender in the first place? Anyway I don't want to digress again. It seems to me that trans people are in a much better position to understand the actions of either gender (sorry to be so binary however it's only the begining of my realisation - hopefully more will follow), and consequently would make excellent counsellors, and anybody who in fact has to make judgements, or offer advice. No wonder there is so much advice on the web for trans people. 
    Perhaps I'm really talking about "insight", you know feminine or male insight, well perhaps now we might be starting to have the term trans insight?
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
  4. eveannessant
    I like many others, some not even in the UK, face changes of responsibility, although in my case not of demotion. Public sector employment in the UK is being decimated by the Conservative (tory) government, they are giving public service jobs to their private contractor mates, so far my job hasn't been privatised, but the implication of privatisation is that I have less to look after, due to whole sections leaving local government employment, thus making the Council that I work for smaller.  I'm  just hanging on for my pension, which when it's large enough I'll retire. My partner also has very similar problems being a consultant paediatrician in the NHS, which isn't really National anymore, it's been so fragmented that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand's doing.  The media is mostly anti EU and wants the UK to leave, the media is mostly pro tory, not much that is derogatory to right wing views and ideals gets published in the majority of the press or aired on the BBC. I have said before that the public are mostly sheep the press are the wolves who feed on the sheep and the tory politicians are the perverted shepherds who should be looking after the sheep. It's a really cosy relationship, a very subtle sort of corruption really. But there's a new dimension now with corporatism creeping - uh?, no, leaping in with Corporations pulling the strings of the idiot politician puppets, and it seems aided by the media.
    It's funny but I don't feel very free anymore, we used to pity the communist countries in Eastern Europe a few decades ago, thinking that they didn't have any freedom. To think that we have much freedom of speech, is quite laughable with a media so biased toward the new regime, who will take much notice of whatever I say whether or not it's on social media or printed in the fringe press?
    Don't think that I'm anti free-enterprise though, I'm all for it, but I'm very much against giving public services on a plate to private contractors.
    I want to leave the UK and live in Europe somewhere, and not be bothered with the antics of right wing idiots.
    Depressed,
    Eve
     
     
  5. eveannessant

    A testing day out

    By eveannessant,

    I have recently purchased some new outdoors / country boots, because they are so much more stylish than my old walking boots which although are pretty unisex looking were none-the-less bloke boots - ughh. So these new boots are Dublin River Boots, they're almost knee length to within an inch (25mm aprx), they were advertised as waterproof and breathable with other desireable qualities too, I think they were originally for horse riding but are also advertised as leisure / country boots. So Sunday's forecast was for heavy downpours of rain, what an ideal day to test out my new boots!
    So with my friend Sharon, we set off for the small and picturesque town of Bewdley on the River Severn which is about 25 miles west of where I live. I parked my car in the station carpark and walked off north along the East bank of the river which parallels the preserved steam railway. the begining of the walk is along a delightful country lanewhich after a mile and a half or so finishes and becomes a narrow footpath. Now one of the reasons for buying the new boots was because they'd be so much better than ankle boots in tall wet grass, so i soon had an opportunity to try them out in such grass near a couple of reservoirs, they were great and totally waterproof. Continuing our walk under the railway / river bridge we were in very muddy conditions and brown puddles - no worries for my boots. We reached Arley which is the next riverside village north from Bewdley soaked through, our outdoors coats were found very wanting! so we looked like a couple of drowned rats. We had decided to cross the pedestrian only bridge & pop into the pub on the opposite bank for a pint or so of cider, it was truly delicious (Thatchers Gold from Somerset), I gave up trying to dry my hair with the hand dryer in the toilets, and sat with hair dripping whilst drinking my pint. We had decided to catch the train back to Bewdley so we set off for Arley Station a hundred yards or so uphill from the pub. If the walk took nearly 2 hours, the train journey seemed ro take only 5-6 minutes. 
    Before transitioning I used to go to this railway a lot, because Steam engines have been an interest to me since childhood, and I don't see why my transitioning should alter that, I'm highly unlikely to start liking dolls houses etc. Anyway I always used to visit the 2nd hand bookstall on the station that specialises with railway books, and the old guy that runs it used to recognise me. I was always sort of wary about marching in as Eve, but I thought that I'd had such a bvrilliant day so far, this was really the last test for me to go in search for a suitable book, and pay the old guy for it. He had seen me at a local pub in December when I first became full-time Eve and had stared at me making me feel very uncomfortable, so this was a last test of my self confidence, I just had to do it or otherwise I'd never be truly Eve. Well I did it just marched in nonchalently found a book, walked up to the counter stared him straight in the face and he served me politely, charging only £2 for a book marked at £4, I didn't really give him a chance to make me fell anything other than a customer. When we got to the car sharon said that he did look at me with a puzzled face when I walked past the counter, you know what I couldn't care less whatever or whoever he thinks I am, & yes I will return to buy more books in the future, I know now that there isn't anywhere much that I wouldn't go to.
    We both felt pleased with our walk along the picturesque river and beautiful countryside, the poor weather just added to a sense of adventure, I was in awe of my boots and the bookshop was like the cherry on top of the cake.........Eve can do whatever Steve used to do!
    Cheers,
    Eve



  6. eveannessant
    I've been struggling to think of something to write about, being Eve seems so normal to me now, I'm even starting to forget who Steve was and how he thought........... I no longer feel so exposed at supermarkets or anywhere else for that matter, I am truly amazed at this, I never in my wildest dreams thought that any of this was ever going to be remotely possible.

    I had my second decapeptyl injection yesterday evening, and I can already feel the difference it makes, or is it the galss of Australian Chardonnay ? I know that oestrogen and testosterone blockers help a hell of a lot, but they alone are not enough to make you believable to the rest of the population.

    Anyway I had to go into the office today, and by chance I met the Head of HR (who is my managers boss), I think that I've always gotten along pretty well with her, but she didn't recognise me at first, when she realised who I was, we had a long chat, and she complimented me on my dress sense and hair etc, and we talked about Trans issues in general. After a while she said that I was totally convincing as a female, well I'm not so sure I replied, but my self confidence has grown a lot in the past 3 months, but I guess that the real issue is that I'm really getting used to myself, being me as I really am and not pretending to be male, or thinking I was pretending to be female.

    So I have a message to you all, believe in yourself, be who you really are.

    If you don't do this, you will soon be seen as false, or to state it in a way that most Trans people will recognise, you will be read or you won't pass!, so heed my message!

    Have a great Easter everyone.......

    Eve x
  7. eveannessant
    This is really tiring, the temperature is above 30o celsius and there's hardly any wind not even a gentle breeze, that may be a walk in the park to those of you who live in hot countries, but here in the UK it's pretty stifling. Can't wait for cooler fresher Atlantic weather. 
    Anyway, it makes me realise how difficult it can be being a 'full time' trans woman, it's pretty near impossible to hide my broad shoulders, my scalp is soaking with sweat, make-up is pointless as sweat runs down my face, I have headaches, I can still hide my hips by wearing long floaty dresses, but without hiding my shoulders I wonder if the effort is worthwhile. However I'd point out that I never liked very hot temps even before transitioning, but I now feel at a disadvantage in this weather compared with my former identity. The only respite is in my car with the A/C turned fully on. Even if I could appear as male in this weather, which would be difficult, I wouldn't, it wouldn't be me, and I just have to accept that this is one of the few disadvantages that I have come across so far........................
    It's not as if I didn't see it coming, I just told myself that I'd have to try and cope with it when the time comes. Hell, I had to stop prevaricating, making excuses for inaction and naval gazing, and bite the bullet and get on with MY LIFE, as Eve ! Anyway my guess is that one acclimatises to different temperatures, trouble is that we don't generally have such high temps as this in the UK, 3-4 days worth is the norm folloewed by thunder storms and cooler weather, so there's not much of a chance to acclimatise.
    But having gone out this morning for electrolysis, I found that few people were out and about, traffic was very light, so it reminded me of a sleepy French village where nothing much stirs in the mid-day sun, which beats down relentlessly, only the noise of the starlings was missing.................if only I could go swimming in a river - no chance of that until post GRS at the soonest.
    Life with both female and male bits of anatomy was never going to as straightforward as might have been imagined, hot weather will bear testimony to this, wearing clothes that disguise anatomy most other times of the year might not be possible during hot weather, I hope that when my trans journey comes to a conclusion, some of these difficulties will have been resolved.
    But the point is please be aware of unusual climatic conditions, if you are contemplating transition.
    Week-end July 11th & 12th is Sparkle week-end. Sparkle is a huge 'Trans event' (rather than an LGBT pride event) held in Manchester, I'm off to see it for the first time with my wife who has organised the hotel and train tickets. Whilst I don't go to these sort of 'trans safe events' regularly anymore, never having been before I feel the need to have experienced it, before I submerge fully into 'normal society'. No doubt I'll put out a blog entry about the event after the 12th July.
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
     
     
  8. eveannessant
    Yesterday evening (Friday) we had some of our friends round for a BBQ and drinks, they were 3 trans and one wife plus my wife (should I now refer to her as my partner?) we had a great time. One of my Trans friends and I are quite close and we share many innermost thoughts such as how it all began for us with cross-dressing etc., I think it's imperative to have close freinds who are  going through similar issues, she is also like me waiting for her GRS, although she's in front of me in the queue. I don't know anyone in the UK who has seen a Transgender Therapist, I'm not sure if they even exist, so I'm often puzzled why US Trans people see them and wonder at the benefits versus the costs. I'm unsure of what the dialogue would contain. We have close friends as mentioned above, mostly met at Outskirts (a Trans group in B'ham UK) and in whome we trust and confide with each other with listening and advice, and we have really enjoyable conversations, I find it especially rewarding to meet newcomers fresh out of the closet and sit with them in a large group where we give support and advice on the myriad of issues that are faced by trans people, it seems to be a time honoured way of doing things. By no means do all go ahead and change gender full-time, or start HRT, relatively few of us actually, many have valid reasons for not going "all the way", such as jobs and family etc. and seem to be happy with part-time Transvestivism, some of whom would if those issues weren't there, and others who wouldn't want to anyway. So I guess that we could be described as a tight community that is also open to all.
    Anyway enough of my musings, in a weeks time we're off to the Ardennes in southern Belgium with our caravan, we have stayed in the Ardennes before in Luxembourg, but at that time I was presenting as male - albeit with a gynecomastia vest, so it wasn't too long ago. We were really taken with the area, and are thinking of uprooting and moving there in the next few years, especially if the UK in / out of the EU referendum results in an out result. So we want to go and see how well I'd be able to fit in as the new me - Eve. It seems to me that most trans people live in cities, so I really don't know what to expect in what is a very rural area of French speaking Belgium. We are meeting our freinds from The Hague whilst we are there and so I expect that we'll be having fun no matter what.
    Needless to say I'm excited at the prospect of going abroad for the second time as Eve with my new passport, and also treading unknown trans territory.......... I'll let you know when I return. 
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
     
  9. eveannessant

    The paint's dried

    By eveannessant,

    In my previous entry I said goodbye, fully thinking that would be the case. A few fellow members have asked me to reconsider, and to be honest, after a week or so I did feel that I had "painted myself into a corner", I now feel that the paint has sufficiently dried to allow myself out, and continue with my entries. So apologies to anyone annoyed at this!
    Cheers,
    Eve
  10. eveannessant

    Female Intuition?

    By eveannessant,

    Following on immediately from my previous entry regarding paint, which I should have posted  3-4 days ago.
    I think I might have developed a sixth sense, this is completely contrary to what some of my friends inform me, that they didn't think I had any sense at all! However I've digressed, apologies, over the last 8 months or so I have had feelings predicting things happening, starting with the thoughts that I needed to buy National Lottery tickets because I'd win, I did and yes I have won small amounts several times since, I am still left with the feeling that I will (not might) win a sizeable amount in the near future. That as a one-off feeling didn't really make me consider the female intuition thing on it's own, but this intuitiveness seems to have now grown to predicting where the traffic will either turn off, of carry on the same road in front of me when I'm driving. Of course I don't rely on this "intuition" other than not bothering to overtake the vehicle in front if I percieve that it will shortly change direction.
    Yes I drive too fast, compared to most others, it's an ex-biker thing, and also an ex-male thing too I suppose, but other vehicles do get in my way!!
    However back to this weird intuition, when I look back at my life I can see (and I discovered this in my teens which strangely is when cross dressing started) that if I desired something badly enough, It would happen eventually by one means or another, either by luck or eventually by my own efforts. An example would be in my early biker years wanting a decent motorcycle (in those days decent meant non-Japenese!), I had to do this by my own efforts with a small amount of luck thrown in. I started off with cheap junk and through repairs , renovations, and trading up ended up with a superb Norton Commando with engine modifications including increased capacity to 920cc, I just wanted that bike so much that it happened, but luck played it's part on the way with opportunities to sell high and buy low.
    The same can said of my transition from male to female, although at the start I just thought that I had a kinky fetish, I wanted to be able to wear certain provocative clothing and footwear that females wore, hell that was a real desire seeing girls dressed that way day in and day out, and eventually here I am, I've done that, and passed on to dressing comfortably as a female. I also had desires for boobs, well don't most males!, but no I mean my own, I always wondered what it'd feel like to have my nipples sticking out 4-5 inches in front of my ribs, and wobbling when walking etc., OMG this is sounding more and more like a fetish to me! LoL, however I desired them and they happened.
    So are desires and intuition linked or did the intuition happen because of hormonal changes, I'm not totally sure yet but I surely hope that the intuition thing increases, I love it! in fact I desire it.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  11. eveannessant

    A bump in the road,

    By eveannessant,

    It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without.
    Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. 
    Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either.
    However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice.
    It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins in a consultation, only having read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before.
    I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol.  
    Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning..................
    Cheers,
    Eve
     
  12. eveannessant

    Out and about

    By eveannessant,

    I've been a mix of stuck and lazy recently......stuck for something inspiring to post here and too lazy to push myself.............to enter much. Trouble is that life as Eve is so normal now, I just don't think beforehand about doing things and worrying if I pass or not. I just get on with it, of course you never know if you pass or not, no trans girl is 100% sure, if you ask you most definately won't pass! we refer to this as Schrödinger's pass! I don't need him or his pass anymore!
    However I've been out and about recently in the great (hey it's small in the UK!) outdoors, with my friend Sharon cycling in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire, near the Welsh border, a couple of weeks ago, and got plastered in mud from my mountain bike. And last weekend we went back to the lovely Severn Valley at Bewdley and walked up along the river further than previously to Highley. This is two stations further up the preserved steam railway, we stopped for a pint of cider again, at Arley halfway along our walk, and by the time we got to Highley my right knee was killing me (hardly any cartilage left on it, caused by a Norton Commando kick start in my youth). We were very thankful for the return journey by train.
    This weekend i'm off with my partner Maybelle (that's what we decided our ex husband and wife terminology would become) to Luxembourg on our holidays, with our caravan and some freinds from my previous existance.

    Oh I 'spose that I should tell of Gossard undies, their superboost bras really grab boobs and push up and together, with matching thongs of course in a smallish size to enable tucking (that begins with a T) I just bought 3 sets ready for my hols......................
    Cheers,
    Eve x
    .


     
  13. eveannessant
    I'd always wanted a pair of nice boobs for as long as I could remember, I used to imagine what it'd be like to have boobs, what it'd feel like with my nipples placed out much further from my ribs than they used to be. Then when I came out as transvestite, dressing part-time, I used to long to be more feminine, and that really started me off with hormones, way before any sane person would have advised anybody to, so yes I self medded.
    I wanted as much feminisation as possible, to enable me to "pass" and act as a female, so that I could convincingly wear tight skirts, leggings, make-up, tight tops, and wait a minute isn't this sounding what a man's idea of what a woman is? It was mine. 
    Point is that I knew that HRT would feminise me, that I'd grow boobs if I was lucky, that I'd loose upper body strength (I didn't realise just how much I'd lose though!), my facial features would soften, and that weight re-distribution would happen. This has happened, and over the last 14 months or so my tastes in female clothing have also changed, they started to become much more what a real woman would wear, same is true for make-up too.
    It's gradually started to dawn on me after all this time, that I'm becoming a woman, not just a more feminine version of the previous me, as I had previously been thinking of. HRT for trans women is not just about Hormone Replacement Therapy, I'd been taking oestrogen for 18 months or so before I became a patient of Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic, and during that time I had developed as a more feminine male - the more feminine version of the previous me. HRT for trans women is as much about Hormone Removal Therapy, taking away testosterone has in my opinion, been responsible for my becoming a woman - not sure if there's still a way to go yet, I can only hope so.
    So it was a bit of a revelation to realise that I'm becoming a woman, but one that I wouldn't want to miss for the world. Maybe those in our community who have known from birth that they were born in the wrong body may already know that they are a woman, but there are many like me who did not posess those feelings or have that knowledge. So to those who are treading, or contemplating treading a similar HRT path, beware that you'll become a woman not just a feminine version of yourself.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  14. eveannessant
    I have to admit I'm struggling with writing these entries at times.........my clutch seems to have an intermittent fault...............I just can't get my ass into gear sometimes.
    So, in my previous entry, I said I was looking forward to swimming in a Trans only swimming session, well it's also for gender non conforming people too, which I forgot to mention in my last entry. It went really well I enjoyed myself and swam 12 lengths of the pool straight off non-stop, this surprised me as I have had very little exercise over the last couple of years, other than occassional walks and cycle rides. So it seemed I was fitter than I had imagined, I could also swim quite quickly when I wanted to, this was the first time in the water in about 4 years, when I last SCUBA dived.
    We could have done with a few more swimmers to cover the cost of the pool hire, but 3 of us paid extra to cover the outlay. I plan to introduce snorkelling as a taster at the next session, to see if we can attract more swimmers, I might even take along an underwater propulsion unit for fun. I have to put together an advert for the session so I have my work cut out, and I have to get my clutch fixed !
    On the way back from the last TAGS session I had to call in to our local supermarket to get some stuff my partner wanted, but the thing is, I'd forgotten completely that I hadn't got any make-up on, and generally when out in public I always wear make-up, because I think I don't look femme enough without it, anyway this time I just got on with it as normal no-one stared or made any derogatory comments - as is normally the case, and it wasn't until I'd got back to my car, that I realised that it was my first time in a supermarket without make-up. I have to admit I was amazed and happy with myself (chuffed).
    On a day to day basis I'm getting more and more delivery drivers calling me "luv" than I ever imagined would be the case, LoL. 
    Christmas preparations are getting underway here, the trees up and decorations and lights are on, party organised for the 27th, pain killers ready for the 28th ! We're all looking forward to it, and hope that your Christmas, or whatever celebration you have, is equally enjoyable.
    Have a fabulous time,
    Eve
  15. eveannessant

    Going Dutch

    By eveannessant,

    Hi Girls and Boys,

    In my last entry I told of my excitement of going on holiday to Holland for a week driving with our caravan in tow from Dover to Dunkirk via a ferry. My excitement was fully justified, however dissapointingly no one on the outward journey checked my passport other than the ferry company, but no worry once on the ferry I settled down to reading a new e-book that I recently purchased (Becoming Drusilla - more about this later). No-one stared, no-one said any rude remarks as my innermost self had feared, and why should they, have no-one has in in the UK to date, we disembarked at Dunkirk with myself feeling very happy and drove through northern France, Belgium and into Holland. As we neared the camp-site we saw the magnificent bulb fields with mainly tulips and hyacinths in full bloom, they gave a wonderful striped colourful view of the flat landscape.

    We shared our section of the campsite with 2 Canadian women (amongst others)who were touring in a German registered motor home, They told my wife that liked to see 2 women camping together! My wife then told them that I am transgender, and they absolutely accepted me as myself as a trans woman, I told them I still needed 'L' plates!

    When our freinds visited the next day for a BBQ the two Canadian women also came over for dinks, our freinds are a (cis) couple, she's a "Kiwi", and he's a "Cloggie", they're an absolutely fantastic couple, who invited us over to their house in The Hague for an overnight stop. The next day we visited a museum in Harlem in the morning and then drove to The Hague. My wife went out cycling with the the male half and I went shopping with the female half.........great fun, quite unexpectedly she said that getting the foundations right was so important to looking good...........so she bullied me into going for a bra fitting, the net result hasn't produced anything that I didn't know already, but the experience was fun, the Dutch shop assistant was sooo open minded! Bless her.

    That evening we drank in the beautiful bar that they created in their loft space, it was truly amazing. The next day we visited the Japenese garden, followed by lunch and a visit to the amazing model world exhibition. In the evening we went to an Italian restaurant, where I was always referred to as madam, this was really good! Food was also good too.

    All too soon it was time to pack up the caravan where I ruined my nails on the caravan awning , oh well camping and long nails don't really mix! After an overnight stop on a Truly awful campsite next door to Dunkirk, we made our way to the ferry port, where my passport was checked more times than I can remember, success at last I thought!

    It was nice all the same, to be back home in the UK except for the M25 around west London, we got home and eventually had drinks and a roast chicken dinner (UK style of course with lots of gravy!).

    I'm now back at work and looking forward to our next trip in the South of England in a couple of weeks time.

    Ok I mentioned the book that I couldn't put down "Becoming Drusilla" by Richard Beard. It's a biography of a MTF transition from the eyes of a close friend who is the author. I was fascinated by the similarities between Drusilla and myself, hands on engineering backgounds etc. At the conclusion of the book I actually cried properly for the first time since transitioning, I felt that I had found some answers to my own questions, and at the same time to find that I am not at all alone in being different to many other "T" girls that I know, both mentally and physically. Drusilla also has a website called Being Drusilla.

    Well at least I haven't bored you to death with the holiday snaps taken on my new i phone!

    Cheers,

    Eve
  16. eveannessant
    I had weird dreams recently, but a theme from one of them has stuck in my head. It seems to me to be appropriate for most, it's "I will use my individual freedoms to my desired extent, without impinging on the freedoms of others", I think that this used to be called "good manners", but it's much more than just saying please and thank-you, and have a nice day too. It's more about how can I do what I want, and aid others too where I can.
    How much smoother the world would be if everyone adopted these thoughts. 
    Imagine you're on a busy motorway, would it not be easier to pull over to the nearside lane to allow others to pass at a greater speed, would it also be better if those travelling at a higher speed asked themselves if it was safe to travel faster in a given scenario, or how they might achieve a faster speed whilst not endangering others?
    I guess a more appropriate example here would be something like, how can I help others with what I have gone through, whilst recording my experience for my own sake, and at the same time doing what I want to do ( Transitioning, cross dressing, androgenuity? is that a word lol), or how do I transition and help others to understand me, or help them to adjust to me?
    I wonder if the Foriegn Departments of Governments have such thoughts before acting, or if they just think it's good for our country, don't worry about others?
    Cheers,
    Eve
  17. eveannessant
    Recently for me, there seems to be new ways of looking at things, from a very much different place than was previously the case. After reading Karen Paynes recent entry "Haloween" where she looked back a year or so ago, it sparked my thoughts about the past, dressing and early transition.
    I thought about those who, like I did, like to wear female clothes around the house, wearing skirts and dresses, or leggings and tops, with outrageously high heeled shoes. This was part of my earliest practical phases of transition. And today without thinking about it too much, I just seemed to automatically visualise young kids dressing up in mommy's clothes and shoes, as small children often do, especially small girls.
    So what? Well it seems to me that I was doing the same exact thing a while back (maybe not with my mothers stuff though!), looking back from my present vantage point I can see that I was practising for what was to come in my life, it was part of growing up as a transwoman.
    Now, at the start of my escaping "the closet" 4 years ago, I had realised that I had to go through female puberty, and as such I had thought only in terms of physical changes and social changes and challenges. I can now see that the early private dressing in the "closet" was pre-puberty.
    I have always and honestly stated that I didn't feel as if I was "born in the wrong body", but that only when I look back I can see that there were signs that I was "not right" as a male, and whether or not it's the hormonal changes that I am going through, I am unsure, but it amazes me how much of my past that I can now see, and especially the sense I can now make of my past. I did used to get vague feelings as a male of what it might be to be female, but they'd soon disappear and I just thought of it being idle curiosity, and my "closet" cross dressing as a fetish.
    On the other hand, perhaps my past problem was to ignore vague feelings that I didn't have some form of proof for, is this called a lack of self-belief? Whatever, I'm now happy to be on my voyage of joyful discovery............
    Cheers,
    Eve
  18. eveannessant

    Trans Snorkelling

    By eveannessant,

    On Sunday with the assistance of my partner and friends, all of whom are ex SCUBA divers, we put on a snorkelling 'taster session' at one of the swimming pools in Birmingham. This happened at a private session hired from the City Council leisure dept, by Birmingham LGBT under the name of Moseley Shoals. Moseley is a suburb of Birmingham for those of you who don't know, and Moseley Shoals have been in place for quite a while. It only costs £4 a session to swim, after the first session which is free, and it's open to anyone who identifies as LGBT.
    I had offered to do snorkelling for them, with a possibility of continuing on to SCUBA later, the offer was very gratefully accepted. The group are very friendly and obviously open minded, and many of them tried ot snorkelling for the first time, along with some of my trans friends. The session was greeted with enthusiasm, and it turned out to be very successful. I've been asked to repeat the session next Sunday, and then to do fortnightly lessons.
    Birmingham LGBT have an aim of involving more LGBT people in sport, as well as raising general awareness of the needs of LGBT people in the Birmingham area.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  19. eveannessant
    This has been bothering me for some time now, I have never felt as if I was born in the wrong body as many who have transitioned have. I have never really understood why I had it in me, or what caused me to want to transition to female. Sounds kind of daft to admit to that doesn't it, well it does to me anyway, I pretty much can't go back even if I wanted to, which I definately don't.
    After reading Becoming Drusilla, and Karen Paynes latest blog entry, it becomes ever more apparent to me, that signs of the female side of my self were there all along, from a reasonably early age, I just couldn't see it at the time. Was it social conditioning, or too much testosterone that hid my femme self? Perhaps both.
    I have had a number of girlfriends when I was in my late teens and early twenties, all of whom were good looking, yes I was quite choosey about that. More than one of them said to me that they had thought or dreamt of another of my male friends who was cross dressed, but the scary thing was that this other guy had the same first name as myself, and yes I was secretly cross-dressing at that time. Where they trying to broach the subject of cross dressing because they suspected me, and wanted to make it easier for me to talk about it? I always wanted to buy them what could only be termed tarty but sexy clothing, so I suspect it must have made them wonder why.
    There were earlier signs too when I was very young perhaps 5 or 6 years old, I came across an elder female cousins high heeled knee boots, leather jacket, and motorcycle helmet (She was in her late teens and had arrived at our house on her parents motorcycle and sidecar) I was truly attracted to them in my innocence, and put the on, although obviously they didn't fit, anyway I was clumping around in them when I was discovered, all the adults of course laughed, because they thought it was childish innocent play.
    In my later years I just thought that it was a fetish, perversion, or kink - call it what you will.
    I now know that there has always been a very female side to me ever since I was born, but I'm still unsure of why. I seemed to have a lot of very male traits in my early life and testosterone has ravaged my body, leaving me prior to coming out as Trans with a stocky, hairy, wide shouldered and narrow hipped body with male pattern baldness, not at all what most people (including myself at that time) would have thought of as Transgender material. Perhaps it was these factors that had kept my female self from becoming apparent to me at that time.
    Point is, that by reading the stories of others can help understanding of one's self (sorry for the Britishness) and in my case my evolvement to transitioning. Thank God others have trodden a similar path to me, before me, and have been bothered enough to record it.
    Thank you all, don't stop recording your path.
    Eve xx
     
  20. eveannessant
    I don't know if this is the same for other parts of the world, but here in parochial England there is a definate tendency for separate cliques within the Trans community. The individual cliques seem to me to be hierarchical too, I'm not sure if this intentional or not, I suspect that it isn't and it's just people with similar interests and similar issues in their lives gathering together.
    Let me explain, when I first took my faltering high heeled steps outside of my front door in the Birmingham suburbs, and drove into the city centre to go for the first time to Outskirts I'd identified myself as Transvestite, and within 2 or 3 visits I'd found a group of freinds that I coud relate to, I soon found that most of those who'd progressed further with their journey or were much more experienced seemed to be in another separate group. It seemed so hierarchical to me at the time, and I found it somewhat off-putting, it seemed to almost be a system of rank at that time. I'd also add that I was quite shy and no good at all with small-talk, hell, that was me all through my male life. I thought that most of these "advanced" (for want of a better term) trans, probably started in a similar fashion to myself as a part-time Transvestite (or cross dresser if you prefer), and that they thought that I was playing at being trans, and so looked down their noses at me. I recall on my very first visit one of the two organisers took me outside around the block and then talked to me giving advice, after which on subsequent visits she never spoke a word to me or even acknowledged my existance.
    Well it didn't stop me, and when my breasts started to develop soon after starting on oestrogen, things within Outskirts started to slowly change socially for me, and my circle of friends expanded into other groups without losing contact with my first group of friends, however by and large the groups were distinct from one and another. Well, one of the gradual things caused by hormones that happened to me ,was that I started to lose my shyness and my small talk started to improve, albeit very gradually. I suppose some would say that I was more self confident than was previously the case.
    There have been entries on UK Trans sites that reflect this phenomena, with full-time pre-op trans feeling and acting, quite different socially to part-timers. Whilst I think I can now see their point of view, I don't agree with it at all.
    So what do I think their point of view is? Ok, I think that they see their own first faltering attempts to express their true identity, and are embarrassed by the memory and want to forget it, also that they are trying so hard to pass off as females full-time in their life, that they perhaps think that unconvincing (as I was at first) cross-dressers get noticed by the population at large, as men dressed as women and cause disparaging remarks and comments, which then by association sticks to them ( getting tarred with the same brush), the population at large is uneducated and doesn't see or understand the difference between someone who might be part-time has no intention of becoming transgendered, and full-time Transgendering wanting to be accepted by the population as a woman. I suppose it's rather like not wanting to walk down the street next to an unconvincing drag queen, knowing that you're going to be sharing the remarks of the public.......
    Well, look at it from the unconvincing drag queens, transvestites or cross dressers point of view, they need to feel that they belong, have support and encouragement, and are not alone, it's a lot more likely that they'll look up to you, and eventually become who they want to be, and you know what?, the best part of it all is that you get a sense of pride having having helped someone to have lost their self inhibitions, and gain the self confidence to express themselves as they truly feel.
    Cheers,
    Eve x
  21. eveannessant

    Jewellery

    By eveannessant,

    I went into Birmingham's Jewellery Quarter this morning with my Mom who has a small jewellery business, so we went into a trade only wholesaler's where we were looked after by 3 very nice ladies. I wanted a new bracelet or bangle to replace two that have recently broken, now my wrists are fairly large by female standards, and the normal 7.5" bracelets will fit but they're not loose, so I was after 8" bracelets, which I asked for, one of the Ladies then said "oh ladies Bracelets are usually 7.5"", so I decided to be right up front and said "yes but I'm Transgender", "oh really" replied the lady, "I'd never have guessed", yes, this made me feel really good, Shrodinger would have been proud! I did pass after all! There followed a little bit of discussion then about trans issues in general, and I was told that now they know me I could come back any time in the future, so that'll be handy just before Christmas!. The older Lady asked where I had got my coat from, so I told her Luxembourg where I have recently been on holiday, so she was quite disappointed at this, so I suggested that she look on the web for it, I took my coat off and showed her the label, it was sold by Belgian Company JBC, who's stuff I really like. Anyway I got a split solid silver bangle, two silver rings and a pair of genuine pearl stud earrings....... I can't wait to go back again soon.
    Cheers,
    Eve
  22. eveannessant

    Trans Workers UK

    By eveannessant,

    Trans Workers UK is a Facebook closed group that advances Trans rights in the UK workplace, I'm a member of the group and regularly advice is sought and given by trans workers on most aspects of being trans at work. However by far the most numerous postings are for trans who are still "in the closet" as far as work is concerned, who are wanting advice from those of us who are fully out in the workplace and in life. Most of these folk have come up against the societally conditioned old barrier, that they'll be ridiculed, or lose their jobs and workmates, this is by far the biggest hurdle that we have to overcome, it's our pre-judice, based on experience in society at large. Most don't realise that it's 2016 & not 1975 anymore, and that attitudes have moved on.
    Anyway I posted my recent experience to help them overcome their fears;
    "Last week my employer (a County Council) sent me on a Fire Risk Assessors course, with a view to my carrying out Fire Risk Assessments for the Council's properties. This sort of fits in with my existing role as a H&S Advisor. Anyway I was kinda nervous about attending the course which was held at the Firefighting College in Moreton in the Marsh. I had imagined it as being a very male orientated place, and half expected to be stared at or have the occassional joke or wise crack made at my expense. I couldn't have been more wrong, I was pleasantly surprised to find that doors were held open for me by smiling young firefighters, who were also very polite. I thought wow, if anyone had told me 3 years ago that I'd be wearing knee high boots, treggings, leopard print top, make-up and attending as a woman at the firefighters college, I'd have said "yeah, in your dreams". But there I was doing it. So to all who are contemplating gender change at work, but think it's impossible, think again, I've done it, it's so much easier than you might think. No, as a male I was not a small built effeminate man, I was a 100 kg 5'10" bloke with wide shoulders and narrow waist, and yeah, I thought it impossible to do what I've done, and yet here I am as Eve, my true self. I hope that this helps to inspire others to to do what they really want and not hang about wasteing time, I regret not doing what I did much earlier in my life. Good Luck to you all xx".
    Cheers,
    Eve
  23. eveannessant
    I received a letter from my Mortgage company that happens to be one of the UK high street banks, I was particularly annoyed to find that it was addressed to my old male identity, I thought that I had put all that behind me a year ago, when I took my Deed Poll cerificate into a local branch where they photocopied it. So I complained via telephone and couldn't get past someone reading from a flowchart, whilst they were sorry about what happened, they said that they hadn't received the copy of the Deed Poll, could I go back again to the branch and go through the same again. I was angry about this, because they had the clear expectation that I'd correct their mistake, so I offered to send scanned copy via e-mail to them, they refused and said that they could only accept a fax other than going to the branch again. I seemed to be entering the name change merry go round all over again......................what a DRAG!
    So i visited their web-site and looked at how to contact their customer services, and found a "make a complaint" page, so I did giving full details of what had happened chronologically. Earlier today they phoned me and apologised asked me to e-mail the copy to them directly, they have amended the errant name details, and offered me £200 compensation and £5 for the time wasted phoning the flowchart people. Well I thought, it'd be rude of me to not graciously accept the offer, after all that they had done, but honestly all I wanted was the name on my account to reflect who I now am.
    So it shows that it's worthwhile escalating a complaint if at first you don't succeed...................I've spent the money already on a new longline jacket for work, brown leather knee boots, and purple heeled sandals.........I'd been hankering after these for a month or so, but was being careful moneywise, and I've learned that if you don't buy when you can, it soon goes out of stock and rarely if ever is available again..........
    Cheers,
    Eve
  24. eveannessant
    I am so peed off with organisations getting my identity wrong.......... I have just received an appointment for a Pituitary MRI Scan at Redditch Hospital.....(because I had an abnormally low testosterone count in my blood) addressed to Mr Eve Ann ............. How embarrassing! I could go there and get called out as Mr ........... when I'm not anymore.........I've phoned the hospital, they've apologised, but I don't trust them to get it right.

    Identity change is a nightmare..................
  25. eveannessant

    My Christmas

    By eveannessant,

    Hope you all had a great Christmas, mine was quiet, but the following day we went out to get party food from the supermarkets, and on the 27th my partner and I held a party, it was manic preparation all day, and then my mother arrived late afternoon followed by friends who sorted out her Windows PC for her. My lovely partner cooked loads of party food all afternoon and made a fabulous Black Forest Gateau, she put quantities of Kirsch Wasser and de Kuyper Cherry Brandy in with the cherry filling layers, it's my top favourite cake and it was to celebrate my birthday, but it wasn't large enough to place the many candles necessary for my age!
    Anyway enough about culinary ingredients, friends soon started to arrive both local and further afield as far as The Hague, I have mentioned our Dutch friends in an earlier posting, he is way over 6' tall and she is a New Zealander, she had took me for a bra fitting in The Hague last April, this time she mercilessly teased me to the great amusement of all, especially me! Well much alcohol was consumed by all, including 2 bottles of pink Champagne, we had a great time. The following two days we took our Dutch/NZ friends out to see the local attractions and Birmingham City centre.
    Today I have had a little more time to myself before I went out for my mammogram appointment, which is part of the national healths breast screening service. It didn't feel at all strange to me, the staff were entirely respectful and treated me exactly the same as if I was a CIS woman. 
    So since Christmas I haven't really had much time to do much, so I'm really looking forward to a few quiet days to myself from tomorrow before I return to work.
    My partner has really noticed how well I pass these days, no one stares at me anymore, but then again I couldn't care less if they did, but it makes her life a lot easier when we're out and about, and she's really happy now, almost as happy as I am.................Sometimes I have to pinch myself, to check that I'm awake and not dreaming all this.............
    Hoping you all have a great New Year as yourselves,
    Cheers,
    Eve
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