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Mikaylajane79

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Blog Entries posted by Mikaylajane79

  1. Mikaylajane79
    Tomorrow I start Therapy again. Its been a few years since I went to a therapist. With everything I have had on my plate it's a good thing for me to go. I need to have someone to talk with that isn't in my daily life. Well Heck that would be anyone lol since I don't talk to anyone at all daily. I am very withdrawn from society and people in general. Everyone in my life has always been so mean. I seem to attract mean and selfish users. Anyways I am hoping this will help me begin to realize I am fine. I am who I am. And maybe help me get to where I need to be. 
  2. Mikaylajane79

    Growing up and out.

    By Mikaylajane79,

    I continue to grow as a person. I have been dealing with issues my whole life. Now that I am accepting myself as who I am meant to be I find it more freeing. I am wearing more of my bras and pretty much all female outfits in public now. My breasts are sore and my nipples hurt those have been for a while now. And I haven't even taken anything to create that at all. I guess I am a lucky one. Having an overactive pituitary gland has forced my hand and forced me to accept myself. Having a higher than normal estrogen level and lower testosterone levels. My hair is softer and my body hair is growing slower. I have been exfoliating with tea tree and mint body wash and a body buffer. My skin is so soft. I am finding that I am more caring than ever. But on the down side I am over emotional sometimes. I take offense to little things that shouldn't matter. I even bought some new panties yesterday and the woman in the checkout isle said nothing about it at all. It was no big deal. I even when I was looking at some in the lingerie dept a woman who worked in the dept. Asked if I needed any help. I said I am not sure. She said if you do let me know sweetie. If you need help finding your size or anything. That made me feel really good. It's nice when you have a good experience out. Tomorrow I have a Dr appt. For refills on my back scripts but I am also gonna ask her about my gender Dysphoria. And see what happens from there. I am gonna ask if she knows of a local therapist or anything. Idk if my ins. Covers med for transitions or not. But T blockers would help I think with my Dysphoria more. There are still so many things I look at in the mirror and go darn I look way to manly I hate it. I just want to be able to be myself and really be comfortable in my own skin. I am getting there it is gonna take a while. For almost 39 years I have gone between self loathing and hatred of my body and periods of time where I liked myself. Somewhat and then back to depression and anxiety over being not who I am. I have already lost most of my friends But whatever. Maybe I can make new ones. Idk only time will tell. Thanks to everyone on here for being so friendly and accepting and loving. And there is a support group that meets 2 a month here. But only one I can attend because of work. So I may go this month and see what that's all about. This site has saved me and I am so happy to have met you all. Thanks again 
  3. Mikaylajane79

    Being misunderstood

    By Mikaylajane79,

    The biggest thing I hate about me is being so misunderstood. People think that Me being different that its ok to call me names look at me funny. If I take my son to the park and other families are there I get looked at funny and round up their kids away from me. I don't look as a passable female at all. So I guess that means to them I am a predator or something. Being called names like freak and gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay but I don't identify that way. That is desperate from gender. I wish people were more informed and understanding. I am tired of being treated poorly. I just want to be me have fun raise my son. What's wrong with that? I have already lost all my friends and most of my family. I haven't even told them how I see myself. I mean Idk how I see myself Anyways. My ex told a lot of them about who I am at least in her eyes and outed me to them. So they know but I get no chance to defend myself or explain because it's just ignored. I am ignored by all. I have no one left. It a sad closed off world. Not to mention. Of the guys at work knew I would be made even more miserable. Everyone in my life is narrow minded. I am just tired. Its exhausting 
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