Being misunderstood

Dear Mikaylajane,

Live in a small city 50 miles north of NYC that is growing very fast.

It has always been clique-ish and clan-ish, but as it grew, it got meaner.

Have found medium-sized towns the best.

These cities are known to be T/LGB friendly:  San Francisco, CA; Portland, OR; Seattle, WA; Fort Lauderdale, FL; and the Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg, Tampa), FL area.

Try to participate in as many gender conferences as possible, and ask transgender people about the pros and cons of where they live. 

Ask people here at TGGuide for their suggestions.

Also, look for transgender meetups nearby to find others seeking community.

Remember to look for a good overall fit, not just about how T/LGB friendly a city is.

Hope this helps.

Your friend,

Monica

I wonder if the people who are the nastiest are men, women, or if it’s roughly the same. I suspect it’s men. We all know how men are so afraid of women. In my experience cis women have been very supportive of me. Trans women are too but it’s less clear.

On the other hand if women are acting scared or threatened by you then maybe they’re not seeing you for the woman that you are. This is where I think Chrissy is so correct. If you can show a level of confidence (not arrogance!) and female body language (especially walking and standing) I suspect their attitudes will change. Your being you becomes harder to deny.

All this is indeed tiring, no doubt about it. Some of it is what all women have to deal with. Some of it is reserved for transgender prejudices. Very hard to tell the difference!

Walk, standing straight and proud, not folded over like men. Go ahead and swing your arms but don’t limp your wrist in an affected manner. Dress appropriately for the climate and social scene. Check out what other women are wearing and if you like their style make mental notes to emulate them. Smile! It’s harder to scoff at someone when they’re smiling and happy.

Ha!  My wife tells me that once a month I come out with a really good funny; to the point when it's getting to the end of the month, she reminds me she's waiting!

3 hours ago, Christy said:

 Before I came out to my wife I was displaying almost all the same feminine manners that I do now.

She even told me that the way I see it and cross my legs or stand at the kitchen counter is bothering her. 

My wife used to often make such observations too, as if she was my personal coach. She said that crossing my legs at the knees, fluttering my hands while speaking, standing with hands crossed, so many things, made me appear effeminate and would cause people to think I was weird. It was so painful to hear her since I was simply being myself, often otherwise happy. She’d bring me crashing down to earth.

I did defend myself but was too hurt to try to make any part of it humorous.

Dear Emma,

Men and women are equally nasty, just men show it through violence and women, because society doesn't give them permission to be violent (until very recently), are nasty by emotional and verbal abuse.

My dream is of a society that is secure enough that people do not resort to such behaviors.

Remember, it is a people problem, not a gender problem.

Yours truly,

Monica

On ‎9‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 7:26 PM, Christy said:

I agree many people are afraid of transgender people. It must be difficult for you. For me personally I just tone down my appearance to where I’m androgynous ish. I also go in boy mode still for work and other things. I actually like the androgynous look because it’s fun, people just don’t know what to make of me. I dress appropriately for the situation as best I can. This  mitigates the back lash out in public. I also stay confident in myself and that is really important. 

Yes, I believe confidence in yourself is very critical!  We need to remember we are not out to prove anything to anyone else.  We need to feel good in our own skin and our own mind, and that's what our dilemma in life has been, to do just that.💜